I’m a Movie Heretic, Not a Critic

I take pride in that. It came about as a result of working for a movie store back in the 90’s. We used to get the most obscure, random movies to stock, so I took the time to learn about them. In the course of “research”, I found I had a unique taste for the random and obscure. But I also discovered that popularity of certain celluloid art made them less…palatable to me. The more popular a film, the less likely I was to find interest in it. This didn’t apply to cinematic masterpieces such as Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur, A Streetcar Named Desire, anything by Hitchcock, etc. Even more modern fare like Silence of the Lambs was fine. But there is a limit for me. Some things I will never bother watching.

Probably the one movie above all others that I will never watch is Top Gun. No, I am not sorry. From what I have seen online and in trailers and accounts, “Maverick” is a total jackass. I don’t care that he finds humility at the end of the flick. I don’t wish to see Navy pilots portrayed in such a manner. My dislike of Tom Cruise is but icing on that cake. If the role were played by Bruce Willis, I still wouldn’t watch it.

And y’all know how I feel about Bruce Willis.

And that’s not the only movie that’s off my list. I will never see Pretty in Pink, my love of John Hughes notwithstanding. I’m pretty done with Marvel and DC Comics films, too. The only exception I would make to those is Deadpool. And no Nicholas Sparks films, either. He wrote one book, and now just changes the title. But give me an odd movie and I am THERE. Who can possibly pass up the chance to see Manos:The Hands of Fate, or even Birdemic? One of my favorite sleeper movies probably has the record for the longest title: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill, But Came Down a Mountain. It’s the story of two cartographers tasked to determine whether Wales’ highest peak is a mountain. When it falls short, the villagers begin to build it up, bucket by bucket. It’s based on a true story and honestly the film doesn’t do the screwball happenings justice.

And what are your picks for celluloid waste? 😉

Here, Kitty Kitty

Sometimes I am surprise by what inspires me to write.

While struggling to come up with something coherent to write, I came across the classic, campy original Batman. I remember watching it in Spanish and I can tell you, the voice actors were just as melodramatic as the original cast. I miss old movies like this one.

How can you not appreciate the shark repellent scene??

Anyway, while contemplating on the beauty of Lee Meriwether (ok, more like wish I looked like that), I began to muse over the many wonderful ladies who graced the screen as “Catwoman”. Each of them had their own style, their own take on that volatile and charismatic character.

Eartha Kitt, the most petite and most purringly devious.

Julie Newmar, the most statuesque and sultry.

Lee Meriwether, the most agile and refined.

With the revival of “Batman” came Tim Burton’s take on Selena Kyle. Michelle Pfeiffer as the new Catwoman was sharper and dark, though no less sensual than her predecessors. The last decade brought us Anne Hathaway, who was not as vivid as the others but managed to spin a nice take on Kyle’s character. I bet you think I skipped Halle Berry but to be fair, the character was different from the rest.

So the questions of the day is, who is your favorite, and why? 😀

Simple Observations on Southern Living

This weekend was full of surprises. I am not one who is fond of surprises, bad or good. But it’s an observation that the bad ones happen without consent, and the good ones always require planning.

In the years I have lived in Texas, the A/C unit has gone out a few times. And it is a solid observation that it always goes out during the weekend, when A/C repair is not available.

Iced tea comes with both sugar and ice. Though unsweetened is no hardship to order, it is an observation that you will be looked upon suspiciously by the server if you ask for no ice.

Country roads are narrow. Though usually two-lane roads, it’s an observation that it’s just a wide one lane road. One can drive down the middle, as long as A) you scoot back to you lane with oncoming traffic, and 2) wave as they pass you by. The latter is mandatory.

Wildflowers are abundant and pesky, in a charming way. It is an observation that a lady will always appreciate any flower picked for her over one bought randomly. It takes guts to go out and pick out flowers on the side of the highway instead of ordering them by phone. All Southern ladies know this. However, all will appreciate any and ALL flowers anyway.

Football is a big deal in the South. It is an observation that we will talk trash with each other over our teams, and in the same breath defend them to those outside of our state who know NOTHING about football etiquette. We can trash our own state teams, but it’s always State over Team*, any day.

Anyway, time for me to get going. It is an observation that my presence is required early in the kitchen on days ending in “Y”. That’s not a Southern thing. That’s a regular thing 🙂

*Except for t.u. That’s my exception and I’m sticking to it.

Anchors to Compasses

As some of y’all know, Eldest is serving in the US Navy. One of the things I had to get used to was dealing with the fact that she is an adult and I have no control over her wants for a tattoo. I admit it is…. difficult to untie the apron strings, and I have managed to do so. For the most part. Oh, like *I* am the only parent who has ever gone through this???

Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway, blogger friend XBradTC has a post about a Russian nuclear sub catching fire. The first thought to pop into my head was Red October. And then my friend Mark commented about reminding him of the movie Hostile Waters. And that brought to mind a survey done by USAA long ago about the best submarine movies of all time. I have told y’all how my mind wanders from one thought to another on skewed lines. This isn’t news. And I began to recall my favorites.

Das Boot is by far my favorite. I fell in love with Jurgen Prochnow watching his portrayal of Capt. Willenbrock (not his name in the movie but the real life character on which it’s based) dealing with the immense claustrophobic conditions and the grittiness contained in that sardine can. He broke my heart in Beverly Hills Cop II but I soon forgave him. The movie gave us a slice of that unforgiving life served raw and rotted. And the look on his face as he dies in the air attack has never been equaled.

In not-too-distant second place it’s Gray Lady Down.

Two words: Charlton Heston.

Sure, you have Stacy Keach and Keith Carradine and even Christopher Reeve. But none of them come close to Heston. NONE!! As captain of the “Gray Lady” he balances hope against certain death masterfully. And Carradine’s act of ultimate sacrifice makes me cry every single time.

I think the first submarine movie I ever watched was my third place contender, The Enemy Below. It was dubbed in Spanish, and let me tell you, the guy who dubbed Robert Mitchum’s voice didn’t even come close to doing him justice. Technically, the submarine was not the protagonist in this movie. But the cat-and-mouse plot between Capt. Murrell and Capt. Von Stolberg brings you to the edge of your seat, and you can’t help but admire the German’s brilliance.

Tied for third place is the film that got me thinking about all of this in the first place. The Hunt for Red October had everything you could want in a movie: mystery, subterfuge, action, drama, humor, frivolity, major eye candy (don’t judge me), and even a touch of romance. Oh, not the “chick flick” type of romance, but rather romance in the simplicity of Capt. Borodin’s wishes to live in Montana. Respect for each other is definitely earned by all of the characters as the leadership of the Russian sub lies to its crew in its fight for survival on both sides of the ocean.

Last but not least, I have to say the “guilty pleasure” addition to my list is Down Periscope.  Though the entire scenario requires a complete and thorough suspension of disbelief, it’s still manages to instill good lessons in raising morale and dealing with the worst hand ever dealt. Kelsey Grammer’s portrayal of Commander Dodge is beyond hilarious, from deadpan to outrage to outrageous. Forcing the XO to walk the plank was hilarious. Christening the Stingray as the U.S.S. Rustoleum was genius.

Well, now I am feeling nostalgic. I may dig up my VHS copy of Red October from the bins upstairs. Yes, I still have VHS, and that cassette is rather special, since it’s red instead of the conventional black. Besides, one can never have too much of Sean Connery 😉

This Is Super Bowl Weekend, and I Will Be Celebrating the Ads

I remember vaguely when the Super Bowl was a game, and not a soap opera. I am not the most savvy football person out there, but holy cow….cheating, on the field and on your girlfriends (you know who I’m talking about), and “I’m too good to talk to the media” (you know who I’m talking about), and now one of the big time players may miss the game due to his girlfriend giving birth to their child (you know who, and if he loves her, put a damn ring on her finger and your name on the birth certificate). Honestly, I am half-tempted to DVR the whole game so I can skip it and fast forward to the commercials. But if I did that, Hubby would be disappointed. Although….. we did just get a new TV for upstairs, so he has that going for him, which is nice. Besides, the game justifies the food.

No, I’m not making that food stadium extravaganza. I am making seven layer dip and pigs in a blanket and popcorn chicken and po boys and micheladas and snickerdoodles and fried biscuits bits rolled in cinnamon sugar. Hopefully that will be enough for the five of us.

And what will y’all be ingesting in celebration of the end of football season? 😀

Thursday Never List

It’s College Bowl Time around here, and boy howdy, has it been fun!

The Aggies won, the Spartans won, the Raiders won (I will catch hades for this one), the Ducks won (and this one, too), so I’m a happy camper overall. Especially with the A&M- Duke game. But that’s my bias typing.

Anyway, one of the complaints heard from the Peanut Gallery was my lack of *ahem* hostess skills this time. When Draco was here visiting, I went out of my way to set out snacks and sandwiches for the guys while they watched football. Apparently my lack was noticed by some, since this time I decided to enjoy the games and let them fend for themselves. They weren’t raised by wolves, apparently.

Things One Should Never Skimp on Football Days

#5– Pillows

You’ll be on the edge of your seat, so best to have some backside support.

#4– Ice

If you run out, you’ll get tasked to get some. Which means you’ll be missing the game.

#3– Throat lozenges

You’ll thank me for that. And avoid the cherry flavored ones. You’ll thank me for that, too.

#2– Snack foods

This goes without saying, I know.

#1– Painkillers

Because not every team wins, and “moderation” is not in your vocabulary during a game.

Anyway, I’m off to shop for tonight’s game. The last thing I need is more Peanut Gallery musings while screaming at the TV 🙂

Thursday Never List

I love my kitchen. It’s nice and big and has an island upon which I sacrifice chickens do all my cooking prep. It’s really my favorite part of this house. And with having a kitchen, one must have kitchen gadgets.

Gadgets make the world go round.

However, some gadgets I can do without. Frankly, they tend to either hinder, or make things worse.

When was the last time you wanted an effigy with breakfast?

#5– Electric Potato Peeler

Why save electricity when you can whirr to your heart’s content?

#4– Egg Separator

Using one’s fingers are free.

#3– Banana Case

The world’s perfect food comes in a biodegradable container. Carrying it in a case is overkill.

#2– Salad Scissors

Some people like them, but I prefer to tear the greens with my bare hands. It’s therapeutic. And cheaper.

#1– Egg Cuber

This little gadget makes it possible for one to take a freshly peeled hard-boiled egg and make it cubed with the twist of a screw. Why you would need a square egg AFTER storage is beyond me. Seems to me one would be smarter to come up with a hen that lays square eggs, so you can store them more efficiently.

And there you have it. I have owned some of these. But not the Egg Cuber. I have standards 😀

Thursday Never List

I was cleaning out my book stash in the garage, when I came across a folly I purchased way back in the ’90s. Not an actual folly. If I had a folly it would be in my backyard. No, I’m referring to a purchased mistake because I was silly enough to follow the dictates of the New York Times bestseller list.

And don’t get me started on the made-for-TV waste of celluloid that was spawned by this waste of a good tree. When I saw Joanne Whaley-Kilmer (she was still married to Val at the time) playing Scarlett, I shrieked, “SCARLETT HAS GREEN EYES, YOU CASTING FOOLS!!!” There are just some things that should not be. And thus the Never List of movies that should never be rebooted.

#5– The Longest Day

I remember a few years ago someone had broached the subject of rebooting this masterpiece. It was shot down faster than an Me 262 before take-off.

#4– The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I shouldn’t even have to explain this one.

#3– Gone With the Wind

Only Carol Burnett could do it justice. Besides, if Atlanta were to burn, it would be due to riots.

#2– Casablanca

Y’all just know the film would become some kind of politically correct vehicle against the war. ANY war.

#1– The Wizard of Oz

Disney really came close, even so far as to include elements from the 1939 film into Oz, the Great and Powerful. Making a prequel to the masterpiece saved them a lot of headaches. Of course, now that Disney owns the rights to all that is Star Wars, I weep for the future.

Of note, I wanted to add an Honorable Mention: Star Trek. I can not stress how horrified I was to learn of the reboot. I would write about it, but currently I am not on heart medication 😀

Thursday Never List

Yesterday I wrote about having a distinct lack of motivation to get stuff finished around here. I did manage to finish a couple of projects after I unplugged myself from the interwebs wrote that post. A smartipants suggested I make a list of projects I’ll never finish. Depending on how the weekend goes, that may be next week’s list.

When I was perusing for a motivational funny, I found quite a bit that were sports and exercise oriented. Seriously, the only motivation I would ever need to exercise would be a clown in a hockey mask. But I do understand what motivates people to work hard to win at a sport. There are some sports however, that I will never understand.

#5– Cross Country Running

Like I said, clowns with hockey masks.

#4– Sumo Wrestling

Uh…. this needs no commentary.

#3– Curling

I am sure to catch Hades for this, and I get there is a method, but it looks to me like you are ironing the ice.

#2– Jai Alai

I can barely make sense of lacrosse. Adding a wall and lines just serves to up the confusion ante.

#1– Wife Carrying

And I can just imagine what transpires if he drops her, seeing as he carries her on his back, upside down.

Don’t get me wrong. I do watch some of these. It’s like a train wreck in a way. And there are other sports that I would have included, too. But Chess Boxing just sounds too existential, even for this itty bitty blog 😀

Monday Stuff

Sorry guys, but I am waaaaaaaaaay too busy today, so here’s an open thread and make sure to leave funny stuff for me to read when I get back!

Hope y’all have a great Monday!! 😀