Thursday Never List

I was cleaning out my book stash in the garage, when I came across a folly I purchased way back in the ’90s. Not an actual folly. If I had a folly it would be in my backyard. No, I’m referring to a purchased mistake because I was silly enough to follow the dictates of the New York Times bestseller list.

scarlett

And don’t get me started on the made-for-TV waste of celluloid that was spawned by this waste of a good tree. When I saw Joanne Whaley-Kilmer (she was still married to Val at the time) playing Scarlett, I shrieked, “SCARLETT HAS GREEN EYES, YOU CASTING FOOLS!!!” There are just some things that should not be. And thus the Never List of movies that should never be rebooted.

#5– The Longest Day

I remember a few years ago someone had broached the subject of rebooting this masterpiece. It was shot down faster than an Me 262 before take-off.

#4– The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I shouldn’t even have to explain this one.

#3– Gone With the Wind

Only Carol Burnett could do it justice. Besides, if Atlanta were to burn, it would be due to riots.

#2– Casablanca

Y’all just know the film would become some kind of politically correct vehicle against the war. ANY war.

#1– The Wizard of Oz

Disney really came close, even so far as to include elements from the 1939 film into Oz, the Great and Powerful. Making a prequel to the masterpiece saved them a lot of headaches. Of course, now that Disney owns the rights to all that is Star Wars, I weep for the future.

Of note, I wanted to add an Honorable Mention: Star Trek. I can not stress how horrified I was to learn of the reboot. I would write about it, but currently I am not on heart medication πŸ˜€

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About LC Aggie Sith

Machete-wielding zombie killer when not a stay-at-home mom. View all posts by LC Aggie Sith

24 responses to “Thursday Never List

  • Guy S

    This may be akin to heresy, but I liked the first movie in the “reboot” of the Star Trek series. (The spin off {not directly, but would not have happened had the new series never got off the ground} commercial done by “both Spocks” was hilarious too. I believe it was for Audi, and I know it is on You Tube)

    You are correct about Carol Burnett … she was the only one who could have picked up the mantle of Scarlett!! (With Tim Conway in blackface for reprising the Butterfly McQueen role?)

  • reiuxcat

    Um, Atlanta is not burning nor rioting. Crashing and gridlocking, yes, I won’t dispute that fact.

    So, that being said, they should have left “Father of The Bride” alone too.

  • RabidAlien

    Heh. My list:

    1. Knight’s Tale. Seriously. Shoot me. And the actors. And the directors who made that atrocity.

    2. Pretty much any Alexandre Dumas novel that Disney tries to adapt to the silver screen. In live-action or animated form. Have the screenwriters or directors or producers or the idiots who green-light these projects even READ the books?!? If it says “Musketeers” in the title, you can guarantee that that’s about the only thing it has in common with Alexander Dumas’ work. Exception is the 2002 Kevin Reynolds “Count of Monte Cristo” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0245844/?ref_=sr_1). That one was close enough to be decent. Still…read the book.

    3. Pearl Harbor. Oh, God….please….never try to reboot that abortion. just boot it.

    4. Red Tails. A straight-up story following just one of the Tuskeegee Airmen would provide enough for an awesome film, with no need to embellish or try to set a P-51 equal to an ME-262 in combat (the best tactic that Allied pilots found to combat the -262 was to catch it trying to land after its roughly 30-minute combat flight limit.). Drop the BS. Just tell us their story.

    5. Miracle at St. Anna. Spike Lee should be dragged out and beaten to death with something found in a Central Mexico dump for producing that very large lump of excrement.

    • LC Aggie Sith

      Knight’s Tale is brain candy. Besides, ALAN TUDYK πŸ˜€

      But yeah, you are dead on. Especially on everything related to Spike Lee.

      Also, I’m glad someone else knows about the Me 262. Only way to stop it was either while it was trying to land, or before take-off: in the air, it was death.

      • RabidAlien

        Yup. Once on approach, that little bastard was committed to landing. There was no do-over. There were several shot down by B17 crews, but those were mainly “holy crap, I was aiming at this other guy and the -262 flew into my line of fire! Woot! Y’all owe me a beer!” kinda shoot-downs. Now, I’m not knocking the crews of the -17’s, or the jockeys who tossed -51’s, -47’s, -38’s, Spits or Hurricanes around the skies, no matter what their skin color happened to be. I respect each and every one of them, and try to shake the hand of every vet I meet….but, regardless of your feelings towards the Nazi gov’t, you simply HAVE to respect their engineers. They had plans for bombers in ’45 that could fly to New York, drop bombs, loiter around for an hour freaking out the civvies, and then cruise on back to the Fatherland. They had the HO-229 flying wing OPERATIONAL in …..’43 or ’44, and had it not been for Hitler’s divine intervention, that one plane would have royally hoarked up the Allies’ invasion plans (recent tests rebuilt and checked the radar cross-section of the plane, determined that it was not “invisible”, but using radar technology of the time, would only have given the Allies in England a 5-minute warning. The average response time for a Spitfire interception at the time was 12 minutes…and this puppy was sitting on two jet engines. Zip in, bomb the radar sites into the stone age, and then the next flight has its way with Merry Ole’ England. Pre-invasion build-up? Not anymore.).

        “Knight’s Tale” (anyone else hear that Frenchman from Monty Python’s “Quest For The Holy Grail”? “Kinnigit’s Tale”! LOL) was good for two things: the female blacksmith, and stuck-up-princess whazzername’s handmaiden.

      • xbradtc

        When 8AF got clued in to the Me262, whenever one was spotted, the call “JET!” would go over the radio. Squadrons of fighters would head to every concrete runway in 100 miles to sit and wait to ambush them upon landing.

    • roamingfirehydrant

      Count of Monte Cristo? Jim Caviezel, ‘nuf said. Mmmm.

      I will add the Dr. Seuss movies. Not the TV specials, but that awfulness with Jim Carrey and with Mike Myers. If your script is based on classic children’s literature and you get a PG rating, you’re doing it WRONG.

  • Mitchell

    You know they actually did a re-make of “A Fistful of Dollars” which in itself was a remake of a Japanese film as was “The Magnificent Seven”. It was a Bruce Willis flick, but I can’t remember the name. It wasn’t bad. Oh, but speaking of Good, Bad, & Ugly, how many here know that even though it was the last of the The Man with No Name trilogy, the events in this one actually come before the first two? There’s an Easter egg in GB&U that tips this off.

    I didn’t care for the first Star Trek reboot movie; frankly the time-travel story lines always sucked both in the original movies and the TV shows. But, I did enjoy the second one and how it played off of the implications from the first.

    Gone With the Wind was one of my Mom’s favorite books and films. She used to re-read it again every 10 years or so. Once she learned of a certain detail about Clark Gable & Vivian Leigh during the making of GWtW it kinda ruined it for her. :-/ …No, you don’t want to know it.

    • LC Aggie Sith

      I am happy being ignorant about certain things, Mitchell. This is one of them. And yes, I knew the two were remakes of Japanese films, since I am an avid Akira Kurosawa fan πŸ˜€

  • Mitchell

    blew a closing tat there. 😦

  • Jazz

    The Star Trek reboot is a flaming bag of shoo-shoo just waiting for the feet of hapless viewers. The Red Tails suggestion made me laugh, too – I’m cursed with having lived thru the rule of Coleman Young in Detroit, and reconciling the shameless corruptocrat with the story of the Red Tails a humorous feat.

  • Jazz

    Oh, and HI, AGS!!! πŸ˜€

  • Azygos

    And I hope they never remake Ishtar…

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