I’m a Movie Heretic, Not a Critic

I take pride in that. It came about as a result of working for a movie store back in the 90’s. We used to get the most obscure, random movies to stock, so I took the time to learn about them. In the course of “research”, I found I had a unique taste for the random and obscure. But I also discovered that popularity of certain celluloid art made them less…palatable to me. The more popular a film, the less likely I was to find interest in it. This didn’t apply to cinematic masterpieces such as Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur, A Streetcar Named Desire, anything by Hitchcock, etc. Even more modern fare like Silence of the Lambs was fine. But there is a limit for me. Some things I will never bother watching.

Probably the one movie above all others that I will never watch is Top Gun. No, I am not sorry. From what I have seen online and in trailers and accounts, “Maverick” is a total jackass. I don’t care that he finds humility at the end of the flick. I don’t wish to see Navy pilots portrayed in such a manner. My dislike of Tom Cruise is but icing on that cake. If the role were played by Bruce Willis, I still wouldn’t watch it.

And y’all know how I feel about Bruce Willis.

And that’s not the only movie that’s off my list. I will never see Pretty in Pink, my love of John Hughes notwithstanding. I’m pretty done with Marvel and DC Comics films, too. The only exception I would make to those is Deadpool. And no Nicholas Sparks films, either. He wrote one book, and now just changes the title. But give me an odd movie and I am THERE. Who can possibly pass up the chance to see Manos:The Hands of Fate, or even Birdemic? One of my favorite sleeper movies probably has the record for the longest title: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill, But Came Down a Mountain. It’s the story of two cartographers tasked to determine whether Wales’ highest peak is a mountain. When it falls short, the villagers begin to build it up, bucket by bucket. It’s based on a true story and honestly the film doesn’t do the screwball happenings justice.

And what are your picks for celluloid waste? 😉

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About LC Aggie Sith

Machete-wielding zombie killer when not a stay-at-home mom. View all posts by LC Aggie Sith

37 responses to “I’m a Movie Heretic, Not a Critic

  • KC_EDM

    Hands down Space Mutiny. Easily one of the WORST movies ever made, but all the more hilarious for that fact…

  • Mitchell

    Manos: The Hands of Fate?? Please tell me you only really know that movie from MST3K.

    Some flicks are just cultural touchstones, and for some reason Top Gun got into that category. It’s mostly just hilarious to watch Cruise and Kilmer get all gay for each other.

    We’ve hit super-saturation for super hero movies, tv shows, etc. Deadpool was very fun though.

    I have a super-obscure (with super-low budget!) movie for you: The Jet Benny Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bsi0ATEkcI
    It’s Jack Benny, in space. Sort of. I worked with the guy who played the lead for a few years. He was a blast.

  • Mitchell

    Bah. I put a link in my comment which got me bagged in the spam filter.

  • bbuddha

    The worst movie ever, Pulp Fiction, Yes I watched most of it (it was free) and i wanted a refund of my time. Never seen Top Gun, doesn’t sound that interesting I don’t find Tom Cruise as repugnant as you apparently do 🙂 I love Bruce Willis and Johnny Depp.

  • roamingfirehydrant

    I love Buckaroo Banzai. I even have the kids quoting it.
    “Where are we going?”
    “Planet 10!”
    “When?”
    “Real soon!”

  • Mycroft

    Vibes with Peter Falk, Jeff Goldburg, and Cindy Lauper.
    Worst: Starcrash, the Adventures of Stella Star.

  • RabidAlien

    “Treasure Planet” (Disney) is one of my favorites, and I will admit to having thoroughly enjoyed “Waterworld”. I’m a sucker for all of those cheesy Saturday-afternoon (or worse….Nikelodeon’s Up All Night movies with Gilbert Godfrey) post-apocalyptic flicks. Can’t remember the name of the one with the rebel force in the desert, they had a C-130 (awesomesauce right there) and dune buggies that had photosensitive paint (desert camo during the day, black at night). Mega Force or Omega Force, something like that.

    The all-time best movie I ever saw that nobody else ever did, though….”12 Angry Men”, 1957. They remade in 1997, and the re-release, I have to say, was as good as the original, with different juror personal-issues. That *had* to have had the lowest budget for props/effects….the entire movie was filmed inside a jury room. Start to finish.

  • Lemur King

    The Ninth Configuration.

    /**

    And do you know what that
    heartless butcher prescribed?
    He said “Here, take this…
    … It’s a suicide pill with a
    mild laxative side-effect”
    What kind of bedside manner is that?

    **/

  • Eileen Roberts

    I think taste is changing with age….I have made it a point to watch again movies I thought were awesome at the time, suck now. I would get a movie to watch with the kids ( now 20 they were teenagers at the time) and they were “man the special effects suck, mom” . The movie was before star wars so yeah. Trying to explain that was cool back in the day. Watched all the John Hughes movies so they got the jokes in “Family Guy”. Didn’t like “Pulp Fiction” but like all the other QT movies, last one was way too long. I like Westerns some of the older ones are the best. The Man from Snowy River, fall rainy days a must! New favorite just saw, Richard Gere movie from ’78 ” Days of Heaven” I never heard of it but clicked on it ,the cinematography is beautiful!

  • RabidAlien

    “Mystery Men” is another one just about everyone I’ve mentioned it to hated. I thought (and still think) it was hilarious!

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