Project Runway

No, this has nothing to do with the show. So, if you found this blog because you were searching for the latest Heidi Klum favorite, or Tim Gunn savaging of young wannabes, you’re out of luck. This is about my birthday, which is coming up in a couple of weeks.

I don’t have much luck during my birthday. I don’t make a big deal out of it, either. But it’s a bit hard to take when family forgets sometimes. It’s even worse when you get a used appliance for a gift (“Well, you liked my travel iron so much I decided to give it to you for your birthday!”), or even when you get a gift you had given someone, still in its original gift wrap.

But this year will be different!!

I have decided to celebrate my birthday, on my own. New dress, new shoes, new attitude. I will celebrate that I’ve had another wonderful year on this rock, and be grateful for all of the ups and downs, the good and bad. I will walk the runway like I own it, no matter that there is a run in my stocking or even if the heel breaks off my shoe and I become fashion roadkill.

True fashion roadkill, on many levels....

None of that will matter, because I’ll have made it to the runway.

Nitpicking

Well, yesterday was my tri-annual trip to the dentist. I go three times a year because I tend to be more susceptible to plaque than most people.

Too much info, I know.

Anyway, yesterday’s visit was with a new dental hygienist. I will call her Olga. No, I’ll call her Brunhilde. Anyway, I was to be tended to by Brunhilde, who was fresh from dental school. Now, I don’t mind being anyone’s “first” guinea pig. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? Brunhilde was a nice gal. She was very talkative, and by “very” I mean she asked a lot of questions. That’s not very conducive to a successful dental cleaning. But she took everything in stride, and was very funny.

I needed the sense of humor, trust me.

She began by asking me if I would like a deadening gel. I have never needed one before, and told her so. She shrugged and said ok, and began what I like to refer to as “The Reckoning”. I call it that because I reckon she got to scrape under my guns at least 75% of the time. By mistake, not design. By about the tenth time of that, I put up my hand, and when she sat back, I asked her for the deadening gel. And by “asked” I mean begged. I was trying very hard not to cry, but she had a gift for unerringly finding my nerves. She got a swab, and proceeded to spread the gel all along the gumlines. Unfortunately, my tongue was also along the gumlines. I began to feel the familiar swelling that come with Novocaine™. Pretty soon this should no longer bother me, right? WRONG!! My tongue was numb, but the inside of the gums was still having a party. And the worst part? I couldn’t talk well enough to let her know. I laid there, praying she would ask me if I was feeling ok so I could shake my head “no”. Finally she stops and says, “Ok, time to floss and then polish!” I smiled weakly and mumbled that I was sore.

She asks, “Did you just call me a wh*r*??”

I shook my head frantically, trying once again to be understood. Thankfully, she got it, and laughed at what happened. I was still mortified when the dentist came in to do his check-up. When I left, she thanked me for letting her do the cleaning, and asked what she could do differently to make it more comfortable. Of course, I had to tell her!

1. Don’t ask the patient questions during the cleaning. Just keep the conversation as general and monosyllabic as possible, and not too many funny jokes, or the patient will choke!
2. When using the gel, make sure to swab each gumline thoroughly, and reapply gel to swab before continuing. Also, move the tongue out of the way first!
3. Watch for body language. Gripping the chair with white knuckles is a clue.

She was very glad to get my input, and I already made my next appointment with her for next time. After all, I did break her in 🙂

Tropical Treasure

One of my favorite little critters is the coquí, the national symbol of Puerto Rico. It is one of the cutest tree frogs, or hylas, in the world. They aren’t poisonous, but are very abundant, and because they are so small, they are everywhere.

Their song is a beautiful lullaby after a rain, and at night. It is said that a coquí will not sing outside of Puerto Rico, so here is a taste of nighttime in my tropical home:

Now, what I call a lullaby, others call a cacophony. My brother went to PR to visit for a week, hanging out with my dad. And this was our conversation via text:

Bro: (sends pic of coquí in can)

Me: How adorable!

Bro: No, how effin noisy.

Me: HAHAHAHA!!!

Bro: I feel accomplished for catching two in one night. Dad told me I achieved Hubby status.

Me: (laughs even harder)

Me: (catching my breath) Are they still yapping?

Bro: No, I threw them into the empty lot next door.

Me: (laughs hard enough to choke)

Bro: People that don’t know Puerto Ricans think that they yell because they are mad… but I think it’s just because sustained time on this island is cause for auditory damage.

I suppose it’s all relative. 😉

The Olden Days

Last night we had a block party for the neighborhood. I was the ONLY adult that dressed up for Halloween. Thank goodness I passed on the fairy costume. I think I a bit long in the tooth for that. I went as a be bopper.  You know: rolled jeans, boyfriend shirt with rolled sleeves, bobby socks…like this:

I had my hair up in a pony tail, and bright red lipstick, blue eyeshadow and cat eyeliner, and even a scarf in a bow! I was cool!!!

Until a teenage kid asked me what I was supposed to be.

Understanding that some kids really don’t know there was a century before this one, I explained as best as I could. Still, he wasn’t getting it. Until another kid piped up to explain:

Kid #2: She’s dressed like The Outsiders, remember?

Kid #1: Oh yeah, like in the old days.

Me: (Hears the grave calling. Gives them yucky candy)

Next year I’m going to dress up like the Crypt Keeper.  He’s closer to my age.

A Local Haunting

Today is Halloween, the day when we gorge on ill-gotten sweets try to fake out evil spirits before All Saints Day. I shall be super busy altering Eldest’s costume today, but I thought it would be fun to regale you with one of our famous ghosts.

Her name was Sally White, and she was a chambermaid at the famous Menger Hotel. The Menger is the oldest continuously operating hotel west of the Mississippi. Opened in 1859, it was built on the site of the Menger Brewery, for the frequent visitors who otherwise couldn’t travel back to their homes. It has hosted presidents, generals, and celebrities. Sally White worked there during the 1870’s. Legend goes that one night she and her husband had an argument, and Sally decided to stay at the hotel overnight, instead of returning to her home. Her husband, in a fit of rage, threatened to kill her the following day, and later went on to attack her in the hotel. She suffered for two days before dying of her injuries. Mr. Menger paid for her doctor and her funeral, and in her debt for that kindness, Sally White roams the halls of the Victorian Wing, wearing a gray skirt, and carrying a load of towels for the guests.

The Menger Hotel is still a big attraction for the famous and not-so-famous alike. It is also part of the local ghost tour, which includes The Alamo. If y’all ever come to San Antonio, it is worth checking out, not only for the beauty of the hotel, but the rich history.

And on that note, have a great Halloween!! 😀

Crunch Time

In more ways than one!

Today I am hosting a cooking party, and a jewelry party. I still need to finish shopping for Christmas, and this also provides me with adult conversation, and food. Food is big around here.

Yes, chocolate will be featured heavily. As will wine, but I won’t be making that. Just serving it.

And of course, there will be bling!

Pretty!!! Hopefully, we will get all the last minute shopping done, and have a great time doing it. If all else fails, at least we can spend the afternoon talking and drinking and eating. And that is a success in every way 🙂

Musical Crush

Ok, y’all know Country music isn’t my kryptonite. But sometimes there’s a song that melts the heart. This is one, sung by my latest crush, Ryan Laird:

SWOON!!!! 😉

The True Horror

This time of year, there is no need to fear the Reaper. No, I give you The True Horror.

They suck the life out of you.

They will destroy everything in their path.

And they are pod people!!!

May God have mercy on our souls…..

Hope y’all have a great Friday 😉

Things You Didn’t Know

I love random facts. Trivia is useless crap that floats in my brain, but it makes me happy. This week, Hubby is organizing a quiz night for several friends, so I thought I would help him out, as well as provide y’all with even more stuff for your memory holes.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. This is probably why dogs are Man’s best friends.

The white part of your nail is called the lunula.

Porcupines can float in water. They also like to eat teeth and bone. Just FYI for CSI.

The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle.

Charlie Brown’s dad was a barber. This explains a lot.

Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards.

Grapes explode when you microwave them. Trust Son on this.

A “twit” is a pregnant goldfish, among other things.

The plastic things around the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.

There are no coins used in Vietnamese currency.

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

Scissors were invented by Leonardo Da Vinci. But the man couldn’t be bothered to finish St. Jerome in the Wilderness…

The island of Guam has no sand, only ground coral.

The infinity sign (as in infinite numbers, not the Nissan luxury vehicle) is called a lemniscate.

Aren’t you glad you read my blog today?? 😉

Playing Dress Up

Yay!!! Less than a week, and it will be Halloween!! The candy, the lights, the candy, the haunted houses, the candy, the decorated trees, the candy, the little kids dressed up, the candy…. WHAT??

I admit, I like to make my own costumes. I prefer to make my own using stuff I already have. One year I managed to wrap some leftover silver lamé around me, and wore a shiny metal trashcan lid on the back of my head: I went as a spoon. Then there was the time when I took two brown towels, sewed them together, cut out felt letters and ironed then on with no-sew stuff, and went as a bag of M&Ms. And who can forget the time I took a brown sweatshirt, brown sweatpants, and made “wings” and sewed them under the sleeves so I could be a bat??

Good times, good times….

This year, Little One decided she wanted a more blingy, high-maintenance costume. Eldest decided to take a pair of scissors to an old evening dress of mine and do her own thing. Son decided to not dress up. I believe he is the lone sane one among us. I had toyed briefly with the idea of purchasing a costume, but decided to save a bundle few bucks and go with what I have on hand. As I looked in my closet, I came to the realization that either a) I need to divest myself of unnecessary stuff, or b) I’m a throwback to another age. I think it’s “b”. At least, I hope it’s “b”, because I don’t want to get rid of anything. Sigh…

Anyone else dressing up for Halloween?? 😉