Tag Archives: panic!

Paint Can + Fighting Dogs / Fuzzy Slippers = Giant Mess

There are days when a cup of coffee is enough to get me going. Of course, today was not one of those days. Two cups apparently were not enough, either. This is how my day developed….

I completed the coffee ritual and began to take stock of the mess on the kitchen table. I had recently finished making some pincushions and still had the accoutrements scattered around looking like an art exhibit from the MOMA. Anyway, I took some of the stuff out to the garage, and as I was passing the hall bathroom, I noticed the little accent table I had acquired for the nook in the bathroom. It was in need of a quick sanding, so I went back to the garage and gave it a once-over, and brought it back into the kitchen, along with a quart of French Linen chalk paint. I wiped it down and let it dry as I took the rest of the crap to the garage or to the study-slash-catchall room.

(Yes, I have a lot of crap in the study and garage and hopefully it will be out of the house once the vendor spot opens in mid November *sobs quietly*)

Moving on, I get the table set up on the floor and open the can, a full quart of the loveliest dun color ever. I set it on the lowest shelf and begin to paint. Meanwhile, my dogs wander over to see what I am doing, since the scent is different from dog food and leftovers and Sonic tatertots. As they jockey for position to get as close as possible to me without having to deal with the scent, Lenny the big dog steps on Ivy the little dog, which makes Ivy irate and forces her to strike back in the only manner she can: using her itty bitty canines and jump at Lenny’s throat. Well, Lenny does NOT like that and turns to snap back at Ivy, which makes Ivy jump more at Lenny and causes Lenny to swing her body around and hit the table, knocking the paint can to the floor.

“GOOD LORD!!! YOU DOGS!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!! NO!!! GET AWAY!!! GO TO YOUR SPOTS NOW!!! STOP TRYING TO LICK THE PAINT, YOU IDIOTS!!! AND STOP TRYING TO LICK ME WITH THE PAINT!!!”

Yeah….so, I hurriedly shooed them out the backdoor and scooped up as much of the paint as I could. Thankfully is it relatively thick paint so I recovered quite a bit. And being one to not waste not, I simply used the rest of the spilled paint to finish painting the first coat. One thing about chalk paint: clean up is easy. I just wiped the floor clean with a wet rag and scrubbed the grout with a toothbrush. Once I was done, I washed the paint out of my clothes, and then went and showered again, because somehow I had paint in my hair. Aggie’s Axiom #18: no matter what I am painting, or how much I cover my hair, paint will eventually get on it and usually towards the back thus defying explanation.

So yes, that was my morning, and rest assured several lessons were learned here:

  • Never rely on one cup of coffee
  • Make sure to corral the dogs before starting to paint
  • Avoid doggie drama and paint outside

Tomorrow is a new day, and I have a new bag of coffee waiting for me 😉

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How I Stopped Fretting, and Learned to Love the MRI

Yesterday was a fun day for me. And by “fun”, I mean at least I didn’t cry.

Full disclosure: I have back issues. Last January, I managed to do something that aggravated my lower back, specifically my lumbar region (I was born with fused vertebrae in the lumbar region). I was in pain for a few days, and after it lessened, I discovered that my lower back now liked to crack like it was Knuckles Malone. My back now hurts more periodically than it used to, specifically when I bend or sleep in an awkward position. So, I made an appointment with my provider to be seen. He suggested I take a steroid (NO!), ibuprofen (CANDY!), and Lidocaine patch (…..wut?). I will say that patch does relieve the pain rather nicely. He also scheduled me for a back X-ray and…an MRI.

Sigh…. I am not a fan of certain enclosed spaces. I can hide in a closet just fine, but can’t wear a scuba mask. I knew there was a chance I could get the open MRI is there was no wait list. I called, begged, pleaded, and finally they told me they could fit me in.

In August.

That wasn’t going to work, so I chucked it up and made the appointment for the old-fashioned tunnel of despair. And so it began.

I get there with plenty of time to check in, only to be told they are running 30 minutes behind. No worries, that just gives me time to breathe deeply and not freak out. In what seemed like a few seconds but was actually 35 minutes, I was escorted out to the dressing area and asked questions about my affinity for metal. I told them I get my metal from Sirius XM. Satisfied, I am instructed to get into scrubs ten sizes too big and wait in the lounge area. Sooner than later, they walk me back to the gallows MRI. It looks like a tunnel to nowhere. I am given earplugs and a button to press in case I have issues with the procedure. As I lay down, I ask if I can have a bolster for my back, as I can’t lay straight without a considerable amount of pain. They tell me sorry, but no can do since that’s the area they need to scan. Fine….FINE!! They slide me inside the coffin, and the scanning begins.

BANG BANG BANG!!!! Sounds like some kid is hitting the outside of the machine with a hammer. I concentrate on counting the holes in the speaker so as to distract me from the fact that I am now a sardine. All goes quiet, and then I begin to pray my thanks to the Almighty God for the earplugs, because it begins to sound like my head is inside a semi truck’s engine while the trucker is blasting his horn.

Meanwhile, my back is beginning to let me know she is about to stab every single nerve. I am trying my damnedest to stay still when suddenly, I remember my ablation procedure and begin to panic because I HAVE COILS IN MY FALLOPIAN TUBES!!! I feel my heart thudding while I picture the coils being ripped out of my abdomen and sticking to the sardine can in bloody splatters. This is when I calm down enough to remember the freaking button in my hand and press it. Scan is stopped and I explain my dilemma. I hear the tech laugh and tell me that it’s ok, the X-ray shows it isn’t metal. Well,  of course it isn’t. Momentary lapse of reason due to panic. The adrenaline rush isn’t the only pain I am experiencing by now. And before I can stop myself, I move juuuuust a teeny, tiny, weensie, itty bitty bit. I’m talking micro-milli-meter here. I realize what I have done and pray the techs don’t notice.

Yes, I laughed too. After I got home and had taken a pill and drunk a margarita.

Due to my slight movement, I had to repeat the procedure. This time I begged for a bolster under my knees to help with the pain. The obliged, and even though it was a small bolster, at least it was something. Second time was the charm, and finally I was able to go upstairs to wait fifteen minutes for a CD of the scan to take to my provider, who as we all know can’t read it, but whatever. I’m just glad it’s over for now. I can stop fretting over it and move on to fretting over more important things.

Like wondering when the rain will stop 😉


A PSA From TSA

Last week, I traveled to Washington, D.C. Though I was there only a few days, we managed to see a lot of stuff, mostly drive-bys with the intent of scoping out the territory, so to speak.

But this is not about the trip.

This is about the pre-trip part of the journey.

One of the things I do is pack lightly. I am a master at packing. I can manage to pack for five days in a carry-on and still have room for any shopping I wish to do. I am also cognizant of all travel restrictions so I avoid packing any liquids or fragile items. Also, I dress accordingly: no bulky jackets, no boots, no extra bling, no hair clips. Still, due to the fact that I have a rather unconventional hobby, I am bound to be flagged for swabbing or for a thorough search consisting of a pat down by Guido the Supervisor.

But not this time. This time I was sent through TSA Pre and walked right through the X-ray machine with no incident. I was one happy gal. Until I noticed my bag wasn’t coming through the conveyor belt. The agent took it out and re-ran it through, twice. And the third time she called the supervisor over.

Ok, now I was sweating a bit. I reviewed where the bag had been before. No, not the range (wrong bag for that), and no one had borrowed it. Nope, never left my home unless it was with me. The supervisor signaled me over and asked a few questions, specifically if there was anything in the bag that could cut him or physically harm him in any way. Uh, no, unless you think the mascara wand can be hostile. He swabs the inside and proceeds to test it, honing in on the area that sets off the alarm. He begins to dig through my clothing. I am painfully aware of other people watching as he takes out my undies and places them aside. Why the hell didn’t he move the jacket and shirts?? Finally, the culprit was found.

thinmints_pkg1

That’s right. The package of Thin Mints was setting off the TSA alarm.

The supervisor took them out and scanned just in case, and turns to me and says, “You know, we like these cookies…”. And with a smile I replied, “And so do I.” He had the good grace to laugh and let me repack my bag. My mortification was further enhanced when the young girl next to a lady piped up and said, “Mom, she has the same panties you do”. I smiled and nodded to the outed Soma™ addict in commiseration, grabbed my bag and ran to my gate.

The moral of the story: never take cookies in your carry-on, and always pack your undies under everything else. It could have been worse, though. I could have been carrying haggis 🙂


Mom Day Gifts, As Seen On TV Edition

I haven’t done a shopping guide in a while. Y’all really do not need my help, for one, and there are only so many wineglasses one can own, for another. But there is a niche that is not quite ignored, but usually given a pass. That’s the “As Seen On TV!” stuff that you roll your eyes at until you are in Walgreens and see the display and wonder if the Sham WOW™ really works.

It does, just so you know. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, I figured some people are at wit’s end trying to get a nice gift for pocket money, or maybe just a gift for the mom who has pretty much everything. So I have gone and searched for y’all, and for my kids. Just in case they manage to read the blog. If they don’t, then I will remind them this weekend while there is still time.

One of the handiest gifts I ever received was Aqua Globe. My German neighbor gave me one when I lived in Germany and it was a handy way to water potted plants.

aqua-globes-watering-bulb

I think those were the only potted plants to survive Aggie’s German reign of terror. And the bulbs look very pretty, to boot.

Some things that women never tend to think about getting for themselves are foot pampering tools. I am partial to the Amope foot file. Ok, it sounds odd for me to say this would make a nice gift, but trust me: women often forget to take care of their feet. Throw in some nice body cream and a foot soak and BAM!! You are done. And if you really feel like sealing the deal, give her a foot massage to go with it. And peel a few grapes while you’re at it.

If all else fails, treat her to a nice picnic by a lake or a fountain and make sure to tell her thank you for putting up with everything. You don’t have to break the bank to make moms feel appreciated. The thought does count, even if it’s as simple as a jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou 😉


I’m Not Old Enough For This

I am a bit freaked out today. Today marks a turning point in my life, and as much as I wished to be ready for it, I don’t think I am. No, nothing bad has happened. Everyone is in good health and accounted for. Also, I have my vehicle back so I am once again mobile, as in mom taxi. No, I am simply overwhelmed by the fact that today is my Eldest’s 19th birthday.

woman crying

WHAT HAPPENED????

It was just a while ago that she was catching lizards and geckos outside. Wait, that was literally two or three days ago. But I still remember her coming to me and asking for a pony tail, and picking out her “on”*. I still remember her asking for her sippy cup. I remember going Easter egg hunting and finding ladybugs to catch instead. I remember her crawling into bed with us when she heard thunder. Now she runs outside to take photographs of rain clouds and lightning. It wasn’t too long ago that she was asking for my help in shopping. Now she drives herself and gets whatever she needs.

*sobbing uncontrollably*

I’m not old enough for this. She was the first to make me a mother, and the first to make her way into the world. Her path to adulthood has not been without mistakes, but she has learned from those pitfalls and in that she has shown a maturity that is beyond her years. My baby is growing up, and all I can do is kick her out of the nest encourage her to fly.

I’m not old enough for this. But I do have to accept it. I take comfort in the fact that I will always be her momma. She may think I am a fuddy duddy and don’t know what I’m talking about right now, but just wait. She will face up to my wisdom soon enough 😉

*An “on” is a pony tail holder or hair clip. When they were little, I would hold one up to the girls and ask, “Do you want this on?” They understood “on” to be the name of the item. And they do call them by that to this day 🙂


Rising to the Challenge

Well, it’s long past time to clean up the yard and get more plants to murder.

Yesterday, I went to a home improvement store to get some plants for the front yard. I had spent the previous morning cleaning up the dead debris from the previous year, and needed some boosts of color. As usual, I gravitate towards petunias. I love petunias. They tend to do well in hot weather, and their velvety colors are rich and radiant. Who wouldn’t want such beautiful blooms??

petunias

Look at them!!! Aren’t they lush and gorgeous?

I have to admit, those plants tend to survive here quite well, but it does get rather boring after a while. The problem we have is choosing plants for the front stoop. That area acts like a magnifying glass in the afternoon. After consulting Hubby (and by that, I mean he pretty much said I couldn’t kill these), we settled on cacti.

cacti pot

There they are and there they’ll stay. Heat and Summer challenge: accepted. And if they do die, it will NOT be my fault this time.

I’ll take the blame for the other plants that do die off, though. This is me we are talking about 😉


Not Getting Down on This Friday

I live in the South. We get maybe two weeks of “cold” weather. And by “cold” I mean mid to high 40s.

For those of you who think I am a silly whiner, keep in mind we tend to be Sun’s next door neighbor for about eight months, and do quite enjoy 98* F in the shade. So there.

Anyway, we are in the middle of a winter storm which has brought ice and snow to the northern part of my fair state, and is pushing it THIS WAY. Have I mentioned I hate cold weather? Because I do. But the worst part? Possible school cancellation.

I don’t think I could deal well with that.

I suppose that the worst part about cold weather for me stems from my inability to sleep well when I am not warm enough. Usually I have to have a sheet, blanket, and not one but TWO down throws on my side of the bed. Hubby is a human furnace so he eschews all the down and the comforter as well. You would think that because he is so warm that I would be warm as well. But no. I need the piles of linens. If I am too cold I get nightmares, such as the one I had last night where I was walking through a park, wearing a cape and using a walking stick, and came upon some polar bears who were on vacation from the Arctic and yelled that I was encroaching on their vacation spot so they decided to have some Puerto Rican food because I was so stupid as to try to pet the alpha male. Thankfully I woke up right then.

So for my friends near and far, keep warm and stay safe. And don’t forget to get milk and eggs 😉


I Must Have Been a Compass in a Former Life

Yesterday, Eldest was in need of her social security card for work. I thought Hubby had it, so I told her to not fret, he would give it to her when he came home. You would think that such an important thing would be uppermost on her mind, but no. She played on her videogame and then showered and went to bed.

And then this morning I find a note asking that he get the card for her. GAH!!!

Compass

So this morning I ended up turning out all of my wallets, ashamed to find I own over a dozen, and at least managed to find Son’s and mine. But no luck on Eldest or Little One’s. So I did what anyone would do. I prayed to find them and asked:

If I were a social security card, where would I be??

I closed my eyes, and had a flashback to the tax office, and danged if I didn’t find them right where they were supposed to be all along: IN MY WALLET!!

In my defense, they were well hidden. But at least now everyone has their cards and I am no longer in charge of them. One less thing for me to worry about.

At least until such time as they ask for baptismal certificates. GAH!!! 😀


So, This Happened

Today I was scheduled to take one of our vehicles in for a check up and diagnostic. My mom had transferred ownership of her old 1994 Saab to us for Eldest to use once she got her license. Yes, I am still in tears about that. Anyway, it is having some issues, so I made an appointment on Tuesday to take it in to be checked out. One can’t take chances, you know?

Anyway, I took the kidlets to school without incident, and then headed back home to pick up the other car. I put my hair up in a clip (it’s frightful), washed up the dishes, and then grabbed the keys and headed out.

So I got into my Pathfinder.

And drove down the street to the mechanic.

In my Pathfinder.

Not the Saab.

polar bear facepalm

And if you think I just went down a couple of blocks before I noticed, think again. I was turning into the shop before I noticed. Luckily I had time to turn around and switch vehicles before my appointment.

And this is what happens when you don’t drink coffee first thing in the morning 🙂


Old Habits Don’t Die, Ever

You know, sometimes I am amazed at how old habits from my youth still persist on surfacing.

Yesterday I had the TV on in the background while I was cleaning up, and the new version of The Thing came on. Eh, it’s ok, but not really the type of movie I enjoy watching, so it’s a good thing I wasn’t really watching it. I didn’t even give it a thought, but then after it was over, John Carpenter’s The Thing came on.

The stuff of...what the screaming Hades IS that??

The stuff of…what the screaming Hades IS that??

I tried. I really, really tried to change the channel. I just….couldn’t. I was frozen (heh!) to the screen as the story unfolded for the upteenth time. In my opinion, that is still one of the most frightening films ever made. Why? Not because of the Creature. Not because of the gore. Not because of the screaming and agony.

No. The reason that movie is so scary is the very last scene. After MacReady (Kurt Russell) blows up the Creature and the whole area, he is sitting outside, and Childs (Keith David) walks up. And as they speak I notice one detail: MacReady’s breath fogs, but Childs’ doesn’t!!!! And the last lines say a lot, too:

Childs: What do we do?

MacReady: Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.

I know now that HE knows, and that just scares the life out of me. Every. Single. Time. I should know better than to watch a John Carpenter movie. They never end well.

Anyway, the evening comes to an end, and we all prepare for bed, and as I lay there waiting for sleep to come, I picture the entire movie in my head once again, and feel anxiety starting to rise, and fear gripping my chest, and so I do what every single normal kid has done to ward off those hellish visions of doom.

I cover my head with my blanket and feel myself relax, the fear subside, and all’s right with my world.

Because every kid knows: a blanket can take on every monster and creature single-handed. It works every time 😉