Conversations With the Sheltie

She’s not technically my dog. But that doesn’t stop her from acting like it.

Every morning it’s the same conversation. I get up, and she jingles over to my door in expectation that her mistress will cater to her needs. I give her some kibble, and after she inhales it she runs over to the door and barks her command.

“YIP YIP, YIP!!!”

(Open the door, NOW!!)

Once she is done, she lets me know, again…

“YIP!!”

(I’m DONE!!)

Then she waits patiently for 7 AM. Why? Because Son’s friend comes over to pick him up.

“YIP!! YIP YIP YIP YIP!!! YIP YIP!!”

(OMG!! YOU’RE HERE!! YOU’RE HERE!! MOM, SHE’S HERE!!)

Then Hubby makes an entrance into the kitchen, and she shuts up. She knows better than to rile him early. But once he walks out to the car, she starts up again.

“YIP YIP YIP!! YIP YIP YIP!!”

(There is a person WALKING OUTSIDE!!!)

Whereupon she runs away from any perceived threat, yipping like she has new vocal chords. It’s a good thing the house quietens down after a while. I would hate to do impromptu surgery on a dog. 😀

Thursday Never List

I am a fan of sugar. I love it. Candy is dandy, y’all. I am the type that takes her time savoring sugar, be it a candy bar or hard candy. No matter, it is sugar and it should be properly consumed. But every wonderful thing has a flip side, and sometimes you have to draw the line, even where your sweet tooth is concerned. You can imagine the angst I feel during Halloween.

It’s hellish, y’all.

No Sense Candy

#5– Baby Bottle Pop

Sucking on a candy pacifier may indicate severe mental trauma. Same goes for the stupid ring pops.

#4– Push Pops

Uh, if I have to work at getting the candy, it’s not worth the trouble.

#3– Eyeballs

I had to eat sheep eyes once, and this just sends me into paroxysms of rage.

#2– Spiced Candy

Wasabi, jalapeno, serrano, jolokia, I don’t care. NO SPICY PEPPERS belong in candy. EVER.

#1– Insect Lollipops

Whoever thought coating a dead scorpion in hard candy was a good idea should be rotting in Hades.

Now, time to eat some chocolate to wash out the bad taste from this post 😉

The Ides of November

Well, due to circumstances beyond his control, my friend Tiberius will be my guest for the remainder of his stay in our fair country. And by country, I mean Texas. And good thing, too. We had a great itinerary the last time he was with us.

And we completed it ALL.

That’s right. Even #10 was completed. And the chances of THAT one were infinitesimal. And I do mean itty bitty tiny.

So now we have to find other stuff to do.

• Vineyard tour and wine tasting: Scheduled.
• Glass bottom tour: Scheduled.
• Gun range: Scheduled.
• Riverwalk: Scheduled.
• Moar gun range: Scheduled.
• Birthday shenanigans: Scheduled.
• Cavern adventure tour: Scheduled.
• Anything else that comes up: Scheduled.
• Thanksgiving feast: Scheduled X2.

That’s right: we are having not one, but TWO Thanksgiving feasts. Why? Because we are blessed with so many friends and family and there ain’t no house that can contain such bounty. Anyway, time for me to get going. The tours won’t wait, and neither will we 😀

Thursday Never List for Friday

Running late, because the White Rabbit is off smoking a hooka or something.

And by that I mean I had to pick up Tiberius from the airport and clean house beforehand. At least I cleaned the kids’ bathroom.

So here’s a list of random Nevers for y’all.

Random Never List

#5– Never Go Anywhere Without ID

I cannot stress the importance of this. Especially in Bangkok.

#4– Never Pass Up the Opportunity to Dance

There is no such thing as a bad dancer when you are enjoying yourself, Elaine.

#3– Never Give Up Your Principles

They are worth far more to you than to others.

#2– Never Confuse Kindness With Flattery

The results can be bad. Really bad.

#1– Never, Ever Pass Up a Good Thing

*SMOOOCH*

Hope y’all have a wonderful Friday 😉

Where Did the Week Go??

Oh, right.

Today finds me doing all the mundane stuff I put off while my friend was visiting. Sure, I put it off using the excuse of the visit. Who wouldn’t?? Exactly! Anyway, laundry can no longer be hidden must be done. But I figure I have time for a random drive-by post full of delicious nothingness.

Next to beer braised beef, that is my speciality.

I think my favorite kitchen utensil is my Santoku knife.

There are four different flavors of fudge in the refrigerator right now. There will be three by this evening, I’m sure.

There is nothing so comforting as eating a bowl of hearty soup while a cold front moves in.

Never clean up fallen acorns. It’s deer crack, and you get to enjoy fattening up venison while they clean it up and fertilize your lawn. Total win.

It is unethical to raid your kid’s Halloween candy stash. It is far more acceptable to beg and plead for candy and embarrass them in front of their friends.

Never pass up the opportunity to buy something for yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dress or a saucepan.

And more importantly, never pass up the opportunity to be kind. The rewards are beyond rubies.

Anyway, time for me to get moving. I have spent enough time trolling for makeup and jewelry reading online. Y’all have a great day!! 😀

Never List, Better Late Than Never Edition

Sorry about dropping the ball yesterday. It was Halloween, and on top of that, had to spend the morning running errands across town. Oh, and it was Halloween. That means I was also busy finishing up my costume. Which was epic, by the way.

*begins making plans for next Halloween*

Anyway, our friend roamingfirehydrant sent me an email with a wonderfully awesome suggestion for a Never List. And when I say “wonderfully awesome”, I mean it.

Songs You Never, Ever Want to Hear

#5– Friday, by Rebecca Black

This needs no explanation, as captioned above.

#4– Macarena, by Los del Rio

I have nothing against Spanish music, obviously. I do have something against stupid lyrics in any language.

#3– I’m Too Sexy, by Right Said Fred

Narcissistic AND annoying only works if you’re in politics.

#2– Achy Breaky Heart, by Billy Ray Cyrus

Not only was it a remake of someone else’s song, it brought mullets into fashion. That should be a felony.

#1– Don’t Worry, Be Happy, by Bobby McFerrin

I like the sentiment, don’t get me wrong. But you don’t need to reiterate it over and over again. That defeats the purpose, and makes me feel all stabby again.

Hope y’all enjoy your Friday, without the earworms 😉

Hostess with the Hostess Cupcakes

Sorry for my absence around here. I have been busy hosting our internet friend Tiberius this week. It was rather unexpected but very welcomed, though cramming a bunch of stuff in six days is proving to be a challenge.

This has been the proposed itinerary:

1. Find acceptable costume with which to scare little kids: Check.
2. Stock up the bar with booze to try: Check.
3. Tour the caverns and make fun of idiots on the road: Check.
4. Try Tex-Mex food: Scheduled.
5. Stock up on chocolate candy: Check.
6. Gorge on junkfood: scheduled.
7. THE ALAMO: Damn skippy it’s scheduled.
8. Meet up with internet friends: Scheduled.
9. Gun range: Scheduled.
10. Attend autopsy*: Um, scheduled….

This is just for this week. He plans on coming back and staying for Thanksgiving. Apparently, Australians don’t have a similar celebration. Unless you count Julia Gillard’s ousting. Everyone was thankful for that.

So, things are busy and fun. And tomorrow will be popping what with last minute Halloween stuff. So if y’all will excuse me, I’m off to finish making my wand 😉

*Not mine, so there.

Thursday Never List

I love my kitchen. It’s nice and big and has an island upon which I sacrifice chickens do all my cooking prep. It’s really my favorite part of this house. And with having a kitchen, one must have kitchen gadgets.

Gadgets make the world go round.

However, some gadgets I can do without. Frankly, they tend to either hinder, or make things worse.

When was the last time you wanted an effigy with breakfast?

#5– Electric Potato Peeler

Why save electricity when you can whirr to your heart’s content?

#4– Egg Separator

Using one’s fingers are free.

#3– Banana Case

The world’s perfect food comes in a biodegradable container. Carrying it in a case is overkill.

#2– Salad Scissors

Some people like them, but I prefer to tear the greens with my bare hands. It’s therapeutic. And cheaper.

#1– Egg Cuber

This little gadget makes it possible for one to take a freshly peeled hard-boiled egg and make it cubed with the twist of a screw. Why you would need a square egg AFTER storage is beyond me. Seems to me one would be smarter to come up with a hen that lays square eggs, so you can store them more efficiently.

And there you have it. I have owned some of these. But not the Egg Cuber. I have standards 😀

Thursday Never List

I love books. I love to read. I still own the first paperback I ever bought with my own money (Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë). Books are a pathway into another life, in a way. They are my escape from my mundane life. And the stuff you learn from a casual reference is limitless.

Seriously, that’s how I learned what an aglet was. Never mind that it was in some poorly written, psychotic science fiction thriller. I still learned something. But there are some books I could never ever read, or even finish reading.

#5– Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

How could anyone not know men and women are different from each other?

#4– The Da Vinci Code

I can’t get past the second chapter before screaming at it.

#3– What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Pregnancy is like the weather. One would be foolish to attempt to predict either one.

#2– The Great Gatsby

I realize that this book is considered a classic and has a very devoted following. But for me, it is rather pretentious and shallow.

#1– Anything and Everything Written by James Joyce

Never trust a man who never used punctuation.

There are plenty of badly written books out there, and plenty of well-written sleepers that never get the attention they deserve. The trick is to figure out which is which 😉

Thursday Never List

I was cleaning out my book stash in the garage, when I came across a folly I purchased way back in the ’90s. Not an actual folly. If I had a folly it would be in my backyard. No, I’m referring to a purchased mistake because I was silly enough to follow the dictates of the New York Times bestseller list.

And don’t get me started on the made-for-TV waste of celluloid that was spawned by this waste of a good tree. When I saw Joanne Whaley-Kilmer (she was still married to Val at the time) playing Scarlett, I shrieked, “SCARLETT HAS GREEN EYES, YOU CASTING FOOLS!!!” There are just some things that should not be. And thus the Never List of movies that should never be rebooted.

#5– The Longest Day

I remember a few years ago someone had broached the subject of rebooting this masterpiece. It was shot down faster than an Me 262 before take-off.

#4– The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I shouldn’t even have to explain this one.

#3– Gone With the Wind

Only Carol Burnett could do it justice. Besides, if Atlanta were to burn, it would be due to riots.

#2– Casablanca

Y’all just know the film would become some kind of politically correct vehicle against the war. ANY war.

#1– The Wizard of Oz

Disney really came close, even so far as to include elements from the 1939 film into Oz, the Great and Powerful. Making a prequel to the masterpiece saved them a lot of headaches. Of course, now that Disney owns the rights to all that is Star Wars, I weep for the future.

Of note, I wanted to add an Honorable Mention: Star Trek. I can not stress how horrified I was to learn of the reboot. I would write about it, but currently I am not on heart medication 😀