Tag Archives: stupidity

General Random Stuff That Makes Me Not So Happy

Sorry I have been absent from the blog so long. It has been a rather weird few weeks since school let out. I find myself making list after list of things to pack up and things to purge and things to finish and the only thing I have done is write the lists. So much fail, I know.

Yesterday I was in the checkout line at the grocery store wondering what to make for dinner even though I was actually purchasing food when I saw a little girl looking at the magazines on the rack. She was looking at some young actress who was on the cover with her hair blown away from her face, her arms at her hips, and her face a mask of what I can figure is “anger” (but most likely a product of “Pout for me, dahlink!!” from the photographer). And in what can only be described as sadness, I watched her pretend to be just like that glossy, unrealistic photograph: arms at hips, lips pouting, hair being tossed back. I hate those magazines. I really, really do. They are in the business of making every single woman feel UGLY!!! I have zero respect for a periodical that tells me I need to dye my hair and lose those pesky pounds or I will lose him and not get promoted to my dream job. We women are contrary creatures. You tell me I need to lose weight, and I will grab a quart of ice cream and eat it all while smirking in your face. And I will love every single spoonful!!

I went to make an appointment for my dogs to be groomed because I am far to busy making lists to do that, and when I whipped out my iPhone 3 to put the date in my calendar, the receptionist told me I should upgrade to a better phone. She told me. First, it isn’t anyone’s business what phone I own, and second, her name was not Graham Bell. I was a bit stunned at first, but then she went on about how new phone have better technology and you can do so much more with them. I politely asked what, and she informed me that Candy Crush and some muffin game were in HD now. I asked about GPS and she replied (and I kid you not), “I don’t play that game.” I took the opportunity to let her know I prefer a phone that is so outdated the NSA can’t track me. She asked if that was my parents’ service. I said yes and then just left. Honestly, I can’t even.

So that has been my week so far. I realize it is only Tuesday so there is plenty more that can possibly set me off like a firecracker, but I prefer to be positive and look on the bright side of things. Well, metaphorically speaking anyway, since another storm system is moving through here. And of course, Blue Bell™ is not yet back in production. This whole positive thinking is hard without Blue Bell™ and sunshine, so I’m going to stop rambling and go watch Ghost Whisperer and eat some yogurt. If that doesn’t work, five o’clock will eventually come around 😀

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Weekend Sithy

As y’all know, I am not a fan of censorship. Sure, my blog, my rules. But overall, I’m a big proponent of the First Amendment. I may not agree with the vile and idiotic stuff out there, but I do want to hear it, if only to identify the vile and stupid. One of the scariest things to happen this week was Sony Entertainment’s capitulation to North Korea regarding their movie, The Interview. Was I going to see it? Not likely. I do like my humor irreverent, but I can wait for it to show up on TV. But that was not the point. In short the Norks didn’t like it, so they threatened Sony by hacking and promising a “9/11” type of attack, and Sony caved. And so did Paramount with Team America: World Police. That really doesn’t make sense to me because Kim Jong Il is dead already. The hacking also makes no sense because that country barely keeps its lights on as it is, so it is my opinion they had some outside help. But no matter. They revealed how soft and easily manipulated we have become. Well, some of us. Personally, I would have shown the movie anyway and given away free popcorn.

But enough gloom and doom. Enjoy this weekend’s Sithy, courtesy of a Rottie friend.

star wars newspaper lol

Now, that is how you do it 😉


Of Champagne and Train Wrecks

This past Sunday morning was rather uneventful as usual. Normally I get up and make myself my first of three cups of coffee, and sit down to read news from around the world. But I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the State of Fear™ constantly bombarding my social and blog sites, so I decided to watch TV. I was hoping for some fun show where they completely demolish your kitchen/ bathroom/ house and rebuild it with some neat upgrades like a complete sound system in the shower or a wine dispenser in the kitchen.

Yes, they do make those.

Anyway, I was scrolling along and the next thing I see is a pair of Louboutin shoes on display on some show. I had to stop and look. Look, they were Louboutins, ok?? So I start watching two women discussing the pros and cons of buying that particular pair of studded Louboutins for a catering event and how one of the gals just HAD to get them in order to make a statement at said catering event. Then it turns out it was a commercial for some reality TV show, but before I could change it, ANOTHER reality TV show came on, and it was about a pack of wild hyenas group of well-to-do ladies (and I use that term loosely) from Melbourne, Australia called Real Housewives of Melbourne. Let me tell you, the only truth in that title is the name of the city. And so began my descent into the maelstrom of fake reality TV.

I picked up the storyline from the time Gal 1 decided to take all of them to an exclusive resort, where some of the others decided it was the opportune time to accuse her of talking behind their backs and Gal 1 AKA Barrister had enough and left them there, and Gal 2 AKA Switzerland called her to make sure she was ok, but the others ignored her, and then Gal 3 Mystic was scrambling to launch a cocktail line, but wanted a date with her hubby, so she and Gal 4 AKA Pilot went shopping at Agent Provocateur and spent $4,500 on a piece of lingerie, which her rocker hubby adored to the tune of $6,000 diamond earrings, while Gal 5 AKA Instigator is trying to fan the flames while trying to put them out between Barrister and Gal 6 AKA Plastic Barbie. So Barrister is being actively ostracized by all but Switzerland, and Mystic, who is keeping everyone at arms’ length because she comes from Newcastle and her mom is Russian and she has seen serious crap go down. And Plastic barbie is writing a book about how women can have it all (because that has never, ever been done) and is joining forces with Pilot who is also writing a book, but no one knows about what because she is too busy talking about her fantastic life and her fantastic dog. Then you have Switzerland trying to patch things up between Plastic Barbie and Barrister in a limo on the way to a special private opening of a new store from America called “West Elm”.

And this is where I lost it, yelling at the TV, “HA! I shop there you rich bimbos. You ain’t better than me!!”

And Hubby gave me a smile and a little pitying look right then.

Anyway, Switzerland is trying to make the peace by opening champagne and telling all of them this is some girl time to talk things out, because as normal people know, shopping is when women talk to each other. But then Plastic barbie gets it in her head to talk about Barrister RIGHT THERE and there is nothing Switzerland can do to mend the rifts, and Instigator full well owns up to having had a hand in it, and is cheered on by Pilot for being such a stand-up person, when in the real world a normal woman would have scratched her eyes out for being so duplicitous. So on to Mystic and her alcohol and she is by far the most normal of the Rich Pack. She doesn’t own a dog, but if she did, she wouldn’t subject it to dressing it up in costumes or taking it to a pooch party, which totally happened. Anyway she and rocker hubby are launching a new line of cocktails and she decides she doesn’t need the drama, so she steers as clear as one can while being followed around with cameras. Meanwhile Instigator and Switzerland confront Barrister to make her go apologize to Plastic Barbie, and that she needs to own up to what she had called Barbie and Pilot. So Barrister meets with Barbie and the amount of FAIL could only be measured on a Richter scale. Because as normal people know, women with chips on shoulders will never apologize when cameras are rolling. And so on to the end of this champagne-fueled train wreck, where the cocktail line is launching, and all the gals are in attendance for Mystic, while Barrister is actively ignored by Pilot and Barbie. The launch is a success, and at the end all six go sit to talk things out, and with drinks flowing and tongues wagging, it’s a miracle it was intelligible enough for closed-captioning. And still Barrister didn’t apologize, Pilot is still musing about a book, Barbie is still mad, Instigator is held at arms’ length, Switzerland has given up, and Mystic is as adjusted as a psychic married to a rock star and launching a cocktail line can be.

So I wasted my Sunday morning watching a bunch of pretentious women have cat fights on TV. Y’all didn’t think I was serious when I say I live a boring life, did you? Well, now you have proof 😀


Stupid Aggie Tricks

Today I was perusing the social-site-with-faces for news and sundry, when I noticed my friend PajamaMomma‘s status:

Running late…..washed my hair in the sink with dish soap. I hope I don’t get “dish pan” hair.

And that got me to thinking of all the stupid things I have done simply because I saw them on TV. I’m not saying PJM’s hair washing was stupid. I consider it sheer genius. It just so happens that her status post triggered a memory avalanche.

I hate it when that happens.

#1– I have tried and enjoyed milk with Pepsi™.

On a dare at the college cafeteria, this n00b took on a member of the elite baseball team (Chris Knoblauch, if you must know) and drank a glass of milk with ghastly Pepsi. It is the only way I will drink either.

#2– Soaked my fingernails in Palmolive™ dishwashing liquid.

To this day I don’t know why doing that was a Good Thing™. All I got out of it was clean cuticles.

#3– Wrote my name using Era™ liquid detergent, on a grass stain that I incurred on my jeans while doing something no doubt stupid.

Yeah, you have to actually LET IT SET for hours before you see any change. I wasted half a container and incurred motherly wrath.

#4– Washed my hair with Ajax™.

Obviously, I learned a lot from Laverne and Shirley. Also, Ajax™ strips your hair of oils and residue pretty well. Do not do this more than once a month, though.

#5– Carried Certs™ around just in case I had a “Certs encounter.”

The closest I had to a “Certs encounter” was years ago, in the wine section of the supermarket, and the gentleman was in his late 70’s. Neither one of us had Certs™. Thank goodness.

These are just a few of my…. fails, I suppose. I am sure I am not alone. At least PJM has done her share. So I have that going for me 😀


There Are Days….

I confess I have had a rough time finding topics for this blog. It’s not that there isn’t stuff out there on which I can bloviate. It’s just that sometimes I don’t have the motivation to write about pithy crap. This isn’t a serious blog, and I try to keep it light and full of fluff. There are days when that is sorely tested.

I see friends on social media come to cyberspace blows due to differences in opinion.

I see family over-react when they see a nebulous comment from a member.

I see tin foil and all-seeing eyes while people leave Occam’s awesome razor to rust.

I see hypocrisy thinly veiled as superiority.

But the thing I see most is people DEMANDING their right to be offended.

fb drama lol

Last I checked, that wasn’t on the Bill of Rights, and it sure as Hades not endowed by our Creator. If you are offended by something, first take a minute to ask yourself why. Figure out the cause of the offense before you go off on someone who may not have the same grade of skin thickness that you do. If you don’t like what someone has posted, let your fingers do the walking and scroll right by. If you feel that someone’s opinion is making the delicate walls of your echo chamber quiver like Jell-O™, then by all means use that finger of yours and hide or delete the offending character. Getting into a CAPS LOCK match wastes everyone’s time, and you could possibly break a nail when pounding out your sensibilities.

Remember: social media isn’t a one way street.


Hole in the Wall

Would that I referred to a great little eaterie.

Unfortunately, today is the day for home repair. A while back, a certain fist flew and attacked a poor, defenseless wall, causing the wall to suffer a terrible loss of gypsum. A hasty bandage in the form of a calendar was applied until such time as surgery to replace the drywall could be performed.

Let this be a lesson to NEVER get me upset*.

Anyway, I was fortunate enough to find a gentleman who specializes in covering up drama driven fury general home repair. So today the hole will be patched, along with some dents around the house, and a few broken tiles. As a bonus, he will return once the weather is back to being Texan and do the mortar outside along the brick edge. Age is taking its toll on the house, I suppose. I’m just glad I hired someone to do the repairs. Because if it had been up to me, I would have used Lego™ bricks and E-6000™.

lego repair lol

Of course, seeing the tile being replaced is giving me the urge to have it ripped out and have wood flooring done. And by “urge”, I mean “all consuming need”. But since this won’t be my retirement home (see what I did there??), I’ll probably just keep to repairing it and concentrate on saving up for the important stuff, like kids’ college and Le Creuset™ pots. And Lolita™ glasses. Drinking out of the bottle is so 80’s. That, and if I do drink out of the bottle people start calling me selfish. It’s a small sacrifice to make.

Have a great Wednesday, and remember to be kind to your walls 😀

* I didn’t actually punch the wall. A wayward ladder being carried clumsily by yours truly did. But being the bigger person, I take responsibility. I’m magnanimous that way.


Feeling Stabby

I am not a happy camper today. Aside the fact that Eldest is STILL not finished reorganizing her room, I now have been dealing with a rather ornery thorn in my side: my phone bill. It’s not what I pay. It’s the fact that I’m not getting paper billing when I have requested it five times already.

I understand that I may get someone in a foreign country to help me. I have no problems with foreign accents. But I do have a problem when I keep requesting paper billing, and I don’t get it. It is still an option with my carrier, after all. And the worst part? I can’t see my bill online, because apparently the sign-up feature doesn’t recognize me as being a customer!!!

But hey, let me skip one payment and they sure as heck find my address to send me my overdue bill.

So, if they can send me an overdue notice, why can’t they send me the freakin’ bill in the first place???

Yes, they are now on my Voodoo List™. Here’s hoping that after a stabby session with their representative doll, they get their act together. If next month comes around and there’s no bill, I will make origami machetes out of $1 bills and deliver them personally 😉


Possible Death of a Salesman

I am NOT a happy camper right now.

About a year ago, one of those college/ vocational/ tech institute students came by selling magazines. My heartstrings are always plucked like chicken feathers. Anyway, he was just a few “points” from getting the level and so I decided to choose a couple of harmless magazines. That usually means family or cooking oriented. Well, they had Family Fun, which I like because it has a lot of ideas for young kids, which can also be adapted for older ones. And since he begged so nicely, I decided to order Rachael Ray’s magazine.

No, I don’t like Rachael Ray. Her perkiness drives me nuts, and feels like a cheese grater on my nerves. But it was the only cooking magazine that wasn’t labelled as “light” or “healthy”. And no, before you freak out I am NOT against eating light or healthy. I just like to do the healthy substitutions or tweaking on a regular recipe if I wish to do so. It’s easier to trim down a regular fat recipe than fatten up a thinned out one. I think I’m rambling and y’all don’t understand, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I ordered her magazine with the full intent to be more creative in my cooking, and instead, I got Newsweek.

I have nothing against Newsweek. Obviously, I don’t care for its political slant, but they have the freedom to do that. No, what bothers me is that I ordered a cooking magazine, and GOT A NEWS MAGAZINE INSTEAD!!!

And on what world does the spelling of Every Day with Rachael Ray look like Newsweek?? He wrote the title, and the numbers that corresponded were not even close to each other. I swear I’m being tested.

And if another salesdude or chick comes by selling magazines, I will greet them with machete in hand. 😉


Pomp and Circumstance, Part 1

What can I say? I knew I would be in for disappointment!

The Olympic Opening Ceremony was yesterday, and I was very, very careful to not peek during the day, since it was going to be preempted here. Before the opening, there was an introduction, nicely narrated, beginning at the source of the Thames and encompassing the beautiful English countryside as it followed the river to London. As the narration began, they showed sketches of famous British icons: William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Charles Darwin, and then John Lennon and Paul McCartney. It was as if there had been NOTHING of import composed or written or discovered in England between Darwin and Lennon. But I let it slide, since most young people here wouldn’t know if there had been, anyway. One thing that struck me as odd was how the narration talked about different nationalities competing, like the Chinese, and even the Massai, but lumped all Latinos. Huh…

The ceremonies opened as my British blogger friend Katipede informed: with a reproduction of a British pastoral scene, complete with livestock and working well and everything!! I had scoffed at it, but it truly was amazingly done. And ZOMG!!! Kenneth Branagh, who is awesomeness, recites from The Tempest!!!

Then as if by magic it began to transform into an industrial scene, and that was beautifully done. Smokestacks rising from the earth and men (and women, too) working in a factory setting, Branagh and Co. watching the transformation, with hundreds of drummers instead of 84 pianos to mark the transition, culminating in the forging of the Olympic Rings suspended above the field. It was masterful from a technological perspective. As the industrial revolution took root, there was then a pause for the War to End All Wars. Now, I’m all for a moment of silence, and was advocating for one specifically in memory of the Israeli athletes murdered at the Munich Olympics in 1972, forty years ago. But the IOC said that would be too political. However, the IOC did allow for a moment of silence for those who had died in the World Wars, as well as for the victims of the 7/7 attacks.

I assume those aren’t political in any way. Yes, I am a bit bitter, why do you ask?? But I had to remind myself that A) the director of this shindig happens to be a left-leaning socialist, and 2) the IOC is not exactly …. unbiased towards certain nation-states. And that’s where I will leave it!

Then it went to Hades.

People began filling the area dressed as members of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, and other sundry Beatles films and song references, along with Chelsea Trumpeters and carnival goers, suffragettes, and dark figures representing the wounded. In a sweet tongue-in-cheek moment, Daniel Craig as James Bond escorts Queen Elizabeth II to the games, only to parachute into the stadium. Like that would happen! But she was a good sport, and did a great job for her first acting gig. That was the only redeeming part of this section. Because Danny Boyle decided to make the National Health Service the centerpiece of his tribute.

I am not putting down the NHS. They do have their problems, true. But my problem with this is that Great Britain, the United Kingdom as a whole, has contributed far more to the world than just universal healthcare. In fact, they didn’t contribute universal healthcare at all, since it is their system, not everyone else’s. And this is the OLYMPICS, where ALL countries come together to put aside their political differences and rejoice in the human spirit. Music, literature, medicine, law…there is no end to what they have contributed to the world. But the tribute to the NHS seemed like a discreet push to the government. It was tacky and overdone, and if the NHS is so strapped, why did they use actual nurses and staff to dance around?? GAH!!!

Anyway, stay tuned tomorrow for Part 2. There was so much to cover, I have to break it down in two posts. Trust me 😉


Five Colored Rings

Yes, it’s almost time for the SUMMER OLYMPICS!!!!

I love the opening and closing of the Games, but not for the reasons you may think. For me, the opening ceremony is not about the pageantry of the athletes. It’s about who can make the tackiest show!! I can honestly say the Barcelona Games were the least tacky in my opinion. The most? Los Angeles, 1984. BAR NONE!! C’mon…. 84 Baby Grand pianos coming out of the walls of the stadium while playing George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue will never be beat.

I do wonder what London has up its sleeve, though. Their choice of mascots, no matter the story that inspired them, gives me great pause. Perhaps it will surpass the ’84 ceremony. I know people aren’t too happy about what our athletes will be wearing,  the design of which will only add to the tackiness of the show, in my opinion.

In any case, I shall be glued to the TV watching and laughing at the spectacle. I’ll probably need a bathroom break when Wenlock and Mandeville make their appearance:

Seriously, London?? I mean, I understand the lion has been a mascot, but y’all still had the bulldog!!

The anticipation is killing me. I hope it’ll last 😉