One of Those Days

I know adjusting is never easy. Today finds me out of creamer, low on coffee, out of Pop-Tarts™ (not for me, but for Hubby), disorganized in a feeble attempt to clean up messes around the house, and strung out, because I have to run errands for my mom that will take me out of town for the day.

Yesterday the trip to the outlet mall was a nightmare, but at least Hubby has new boots. As for me, I went into Cavender’s to see if they had some nice cowboy boots for moi, but alas, the mob and the styles contained therein drove me into a stabby state, so boots for me will have to wait. But at least I got to enjoy one of these:

The world famous Johnny Rockets Chocolate Malt™!! And it was soooooo good!!!

Now, off I go to Goodwill© to drop off what seems to be half of my daughter’s closet, and then go grocery shopping. Hopefully I’ll have made a big enough dent in the garage that my van can finally fit 🙂

Stolen Hour

I hate this time of year: Daylight Savings Time. Last night I reset all the clocks for which I am responsible and wondered why it is that most states still adhere to such an antiquated policy. Arizona seems to cope quite well without it. So do a lot of other countries.

And it never fails…. any important change inevitably brings on anxiety, for no reason. So, last night as I settled into bed, feeling sleep overcome me, only to wake up suddenly. And stayed up until 4 AM.

So, not only do I fall asleep at 4 PM after the time changed, I had to get up at 7 AM to tend to the dog, which necessitated another pot of coffee. Three hours of sleep does not make for a nice Aggie. It doesn’t make for a pretty one, either, but that’s why I have Mary Kay™.

And as I sit here in the peace and quiet before everyone wakes up, my only thought is how to go about making a Daylight Savings voodoo doll. I could make a killing with that 😉

Bring on the Apocalypse!!

Sigh….last day of this year. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish everything that I put off this year.

May y’all have a prosperous New Year, filled with good health, happiness, and if the Mayans were right, plenty of ammo 😉

Cleaning Day

Here are a few tips to make cleaning your home for guests more enjoyable!

Dirty windows: Leave them be! The dirt actually filters harmful UV rays that can cause skin cancer, acting like an SPF 25 for you and your family.

Cobwebs: They act like a dimmer switch on your lightbulbs. Best romantic light, ever!

Dust: It’s your very own Etch-a-Sketch™ on every surface. It will keep kids entertained for hours.

Messy kitchen: Don’t sweat it. That’s a sign of an industrious person. Simply pat some flour on your face and light a food scented candle, making sure to serve coffee cake you picked up at the bakery the hour before.

Pet hair: Simply sweep it to the corners, and let everyone know you are collecting it for stuffing for the pet toys. RECYCLING WIN!!

Stained carpets: Regale people with stories of the wonderful parties you have hosted, making sure to point out how Aunt Minerva spilled her wine from laughing so hard at your wit.

I hope you have enjoyed the tips and tricks I use for a fabulous Cleaning Day. Remember: don’t sweat the small stuff 😉

No Coal For YOU!

Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when people everywhere are scrambling around to get their Christmas gift shopping done before the inevitable “What did you get me??” moment sets in. There is nothing attractive about someone with a deer-in-the-headlights look on their face. Especially when it’s your significant other who should know better by now.

Moving on (before a tirade sets in), here is a gift guide for the holiday that will hopefully make things easy….well, easier….ok, not get anyone in trouble.

As a general rule, women hate getting clothing for Christmas, unless they get to pick it out themselves. Sometimes our significant others tend to buy the wrong size. This is a losing situation for them: too small, and we cry about needing a bigger size, or too big, and we cry because they think we are fat. But PJs are different!! The only thing men have to remember is what kind to get. Trust me, you do not want to get a hankie with straps at Victoria’s Secret when your beloved prefers 7 oz weight flannel.

Or vice versa.

Anyway, you can’t go wrong with a PajamaGram. They have beautiful PJs in different styles, and all of them come in a sweet hatbox. You can even have the PJs personalized.

Comfy and cute! And warm…very warm!! And you can wear these all day. Total win!!

Another good gift to give is the gift of scent. Trust me when I say that a woman is more apt to be impressed by a bottle of perfume than by a car deodorizer, ok? However, a man can’t just pick something willy-nilly and think he’s going to get kudos. Tresór by Lancôme may be the second best selling perfume in the world, but that doesn’t mean it will smell like it on her skin. Perusing her vanity table and paying attention to what she wears is crucial here. If that isn’t a possibility, then go out of this world to get her something special!

Zen perfume was synthesized from the scent of roses that were sent up to the space station. Turns out, the scent of roses change when in zero gravity. Yes, I want to grow roses in zero gravity now. What??

Of course, some of y’all will just be too terrified about picking the wrong thing, be it clothing or perfume. In this case I say, go for the bling. Jewelry never fails, as long as it’s not a gangster emblem hanging from a huge chain. That’s just tacky. Necklaces and bracelets are always a safe bet, because you don’t need to know sizes for rings, or if she has pierced ears (you should know these things by now, but I will cut you some slack here). A very popular trend right now is the charm bracelet. Some, like Pandora™ and Trollbeads™, tend to be very pricey, but there are other options that are more affordable, like Brighton. They have a huge selection of charms, which makes making a unique personalized bracelet very easy.

Just remember to pay attention to her favorite things, and you can’t go wrong!

Hope you enjoyed shopping with Aggie. The next installment will be Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Also known as Valentine’s Day 😉

Checking It Twice

I know, I know…. it’s still early for Christmas. But not too early to make the Christmas List™!! It used to be rather simple to write down the names and pick a random toy to go along with it. But kids are teens and young adults now, and adults are the ones wanting the toys. And of course, there’s always that someone that’s always difficult to shop for. So, I tend to start early in the year to figure out what to get everyone, but I don’t sit down and do the actual list until the week of Thanksgiving. That way I have a bit of leeway in case I change my mind, or if someone drops a hint.

They always drop a hint…

Hubby claims to have a very, very hard time trying to give me a Christmas gift. He usually ends up telling me to get what I want, which leaves the whole surprise out of the equation.

Honestly, I don’t know what is so hard about gifting me knives or ordnance.

Or bling 😉

Nitpicking

Well, yesterday was my tri-annual trip to the dentist. I go three times a year because I tend to be more susceptible to plaque than most people.

Too much info, I know.

Anyway, yesterday’s visit was with a new dental hygienist. I will call her Olga. No, I’ll call her Brunhilde. Anyway, I was to be tended to by Brunhilde, who was fresh from dental school. Now, I don’t mind being anyone’s “first” guinea pig. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? Brunhilde was a nice gal. She was very talkative, and by “very” I mean she asked a lot of questions. That’s not very conducive to a successful dental cleaning. But she took everything in stride, and was very funny.

I needed the sense of humor, trust me.

She began by asking me if I would like a deadening gel. I have never needed one before, and told her so. She shrugged and said ok, and began what I like to refer to as “The Reckoning”. I call it that because I reckon she got to scrape under my guns at least 75% of the time. By mistake, not design. By about the tenth time of that, I put up my hand, and when she sat back, I asked her for the deadening gel. And by “asked” I mean begged. I was trying very hard not to cry, but she had a gift for unerringly finding my nerves. She got a swab, and proceeded to spread the gel all along the gumlines. Unfortunately, my tongue was also along the gumlines. I began to feel the familiar swelling that come with Novocaine™. Pretty soon this should no longer bother me, right? WRONG!! My tongue was numb, but the inside of the gums was still having a party. And the worst part? I couldn’t talk well enough to let her know. I laid there, praying she would ask me if I was feeling ok so I could shake my head “no”. Finally she stops and says, “Ok, time to floss and then polish!” I smiled weakly and mumbled that I was sore.

She asks, “Did you just call me a wh*r*??”

I shook my head frantically, trying once again to be understood. Thankfully, she got it, and laughed at what happened. I was still mortified when the dentist came in to do his check-up. When I left, she thanked me for letting her do the cleaning, and asked what she could do differently to make it more comfortable. Of course, I had to tell her!

1. Don’t ask the patient questions during the cleaning. Just keep the conversation as general and monosyllabic as possible, and not too many funny jokes, or the patient will choke!
2. When using the gel, make sure to swab each gumline thoroughly, and reapply gel to swab before continuing. Also, move the tongue out of the way first!
3. Watch for body language. Gripping the chair with white knuckles is a clue.

She was very glad to get my input, and I already made my next appointment with her for next time. After all, I did break her in 🙂

Unlucky Strikes

The best laid plans of mice and moms often fail.

Last night was the Homecoming game for Eldest and Son’s high school. We were getting ready to go, but the kitchen still had to be cleaned up. Eldest is in charge of washing the dishes, and as she was washing a glass, it slipped and broke, while she tried to catch it. The result?

My baby had a deep gash that required stitches, the first time in her young life. Four heart-wrenching stitches to her mom. But she took it all like a trooper, and even told the doctor that she would be able to get her own stitches out, because she has had experience doing it. Hubby has sure taught the kids the basics on first aid.

We missed Homecoming game, but there’s always Homecoming dance tonight!

And no, she won’t be washing dishes for a while!!

UPDATE!

Looks like The Real Dave needs a bandaid 😉

Manic Monday

Usually I wake up gradually as the sun rises. I can’t manage to ever sleep in, unless I stay up the evening before well into the early morning hours, and then I sleep only until about 8:30 AM. Yes, I realize I am doing it wrong. I can’t even manage to nap during the day.

Anyway, this morning I woke up in a panic. Eldest had a AFJROTC seminar to attend at 8 AM, and it was 7:30, and since she moves at the speed of dark, I kind of freaked out a bit, and ran to get her going, only to find her in the bathroom getting spiffied up.

Me: Don’t you have to be there at 8???

Eldest: No, mom… 8:30.

Me: Oh….

Eldest: I got everything ready last night, too.

Me: Oh, good!

I trudge back to the kitchen to get coffee, and settle to read the horrid news from all over the world, and at 8:17 she walks into the kitchen, all spit shined and pretty, ready to go. I get up and move to go when suddenly she says:

Eldest: Oh, I forgot I can’t wear red nail polish!!

Me: Tough, they will deal with it. Let’s go!

The more things change….

A Yearly Grind

A few months ago I received a rather nice postcard from the *ahem* Breast Clinic Women’s Imaging Center here, letting me know it was time for my mammogram. Being a member of the military, I had to book my appointment well in advance. Eleven weeks, to be exact.

Sigh….

Anyway, on the reminder card for the visit there were several precautions you must observe when going in for your squishathon.

No perfumes.

No body lotions.

No powder.

So far this is fine with me. Even though I *heart* perfume, I generally do not wear it. And with two dogs that enjoy licking every surface around here, I usually pass on the lotion until bedtime. Then came the most reprehensible command known to woman:

NO DEODORANT OR ANTI-PERSPIRANT OF ANY KIND.

The thermostat that day read 102*. It read 107* in the van. It could be 5000* for all I cared. I was going to be driving 30 minutes to the hospital, parking in the lot closest to Egypt, and walking for eons in infernal temperatures. Great…. I was going into the hospital where people know me and greet me all funkified. Thankfully, the clinic was relatively close to the front of the Outpatient area. I was able to go in without offending anyone.

I check in at the front desk, and go to put on the specially made gown. You know the one….it has three armholes: one arm, then the other, and the final hole goes on the original arm. I’m not explaining it very well, but women know what I’m talking about. In any case, my derriere was covered, and I went to sit to await my turn in a rather empty area. Which made me wonder why I had to book this appointment so far in advance. Soon enough, my name was called, and I followed a very nice tech into the exam room. She turns to get the dreaded BB tape.

I cringe.

Owie...

Well, this was new. The last time I was assaulted with medical tape, the kind designed to hold I.V. needles in your veins. That was painful to remove, and left residue that was difficult to wash off. She proceeds to place the BBs where they need to go, and is now ready to take the images.

The first views were not so bad. The plate comes straight down and squishes you vertically, first the left, then the right. But then comes the side squishers. And in order to get the best view, the tech has to maneuver your girlfriend into position, by pushing and squeezing her into the area for the overhead plate to press like a olive. Meanwhile, she is telling you to lean back away from the plates, without moving your girlfriend. Soon enough, the imaging is over, and I am free to go. She kindly shows me out, and I proceed to go to the changing room to get my deodorant out of my purse and bathe in apply it. I look at the BB band-aids in apprehension. The tech had said these were easier to remove than the tape they had used previously. I had my reservations. But like everyone says, rip it off like a band-aid.

YEOW!!!!!!!!

The tech lied.

I shut my eyes against the tears, and after getting dressed, I stop at the front desk to inquire about the results. They tell me I should have them in three to seven days, which I thought was a remarkable turn around. That was June 23rd.

I got them yesterday, July 26th.

The tech lied.

I really need to quit being such a Pollyanna 😉