It’s Past Noon, and I Haven’t Done More Than Most People Do Before 9 AM

In short, I have done one load of laundry.

That’s it!!

I really don’t count making doggie appointments, coordinating with in-laws for a visit, taking Eldest to ROTC, digging up old addresses for security clearance, paying bills, and getting dinner prep done as part of my chores. Those are just incidental things.

On the plus side, I did find an almost full bottle of glue in my scrapping stuff, so I can now finish that shadow box thingie I have been working on for weeks. But for now, I have to put my nose to the grindstone.

Here’s hoping it doesn’t wear me down, but instead ends up polishing me to a beautiful sparkle!! 😉

White Rabbit

Yes, I know. I’m late, I’m late!!!

Friends of ours are moving today for Washington, D.C., and we went over to say our goodbyes. Part of military life is uprooting and replanting. Another part is distributing potted plants and gardening tools, and what’s left in the fridge. Tonight we will dine on Kielbasa and spinach salad with feta!

Seriously, I’m late because I’m lazy. Lately it has been a bit problematic for me to find a topic. It may be writer’s block, or it may be that there is nothing going on, or maybe that everything funny to me, just sounds silly to y’all! The kids are fine, Hubby is fine, the dogs are fine, and the snakes are just there as usual, so I assume they are fine, too.

So, there you have it. I’m stuck in a rut. And all things being equal, I would rather be in Fiji.

Where would YOU rather be?? And don’t say “Philadelphia” 😉

Purgatory

Oh, it is. Trust me.

Today I am going to go pick up a friend’s niece so she can come over and hang out with my girls. That sounds fine so far, since they get to play video games and gossip. But that’s not all…

I’m taking them to the mall.

 

Yes, I’m still on a financial diet, and yes, I have been very, VERY good. But that’s not the worst part. No….taking three very excited girls in a vehicle and shepherding them is the worst part. I might as well fix myself a drink and have it waiting for my return. Maybe two drinks.

I’ll make a pitcher.

Pray for me!! 😉

What Dreams May Cone

Last night was a very nice, very quiet evening. Little One spent the night at her friend’s, and the two older ones went with their ROTC posse to Sea World. I had the remote for almost 15 minutes before I figured out I could watch something besides a kids show. Don’t get me wrong. I gave the remote to Hubby, as is custom. He is Master of the Remote, but he never forgets I’m Mistress of the Domain, so it evens out.

Anyway, we watched a couple of movies, and afterwards I was feeling a bit of my sweet tooth yelling at me kindly reminding me of my ice cream still in the freezer. So, I went to get the ½ gallon tub, only to find that there were exactly two teaspoons left of my delicious goodness.

I blame my Son.

Still, it was two teaspoons, so I quickly ate it, and then got ready for bed. My first mistake was brushing my teeth with sensitive toothpaste. It made me gag at the combination of Love Potion 31 and medicinal paste. Trust me when I say it is ghastly, and the taste does NOT go away after rinsing for five minutes.

My second mistake was eating so little.

I have been having odd dreams lately, but last night was beyond odd. I dreamt I was at Baskin-Robbins™ and was being asked how many scoops I wanted on my cone. I looked around, and found that they only had one flavor, and it was plain. Not vanilla, but just plain. I asked where the other flavors were, and the gal behind the counter told me the other flavors were for Bingo night. So I asked when Bingo night was, and she said “Tequila”. And I asked her if that was a flavor, and she said no, it was the time. And I said that wasn’t a time, but she insisted, and then told me to pick a flavor from plain, and how many scoops. I told her, “Five, please,” and she said I would need a permit to eat it. So I asked where I could get a permit, and she said “Banana!”

And the alarm went off, saving me from killing someone in my dream.

So, the lesson here is, eat your fill of ice cream before going to bed, and you won’t have to go to banana for a permit to eat ice cream while waiting for tequila to start Bingo night. Something like that. I’m still not sure.

I do know that I shall be going out for ice cream later 🙂

I Don’t Have a Thing to Wear

I was looking through the closet, trying to put clothes aside to pack for the fifth ring of Hades the family reunion.

My jeans don’t fit.

My shirts are loose.

And let’s not go into the intimates.

Normally this would be an occasion to WHOOP and holler, but no. I don’t want to buy new clothes. I want to wear my old ones! Those are the ones I like! And the funny thing is, I gave all of my smaller clothing to my sister while she was here. And no, no backsies!

So, today I will be attempting to alter clothes in the vain hope that #1- they fit a bit better, and #2- I don’t screw up. All I know is, the drinks on Saturday will help me forget about uneven darts and hemlines 😉

Mirror, Mirror

That’s the title of one of my favorite Star Trek episodes. Parallel universe and Mr. Spock in a goatee. Doesn’t get any more fun than that!

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in a parallel universe. I was in the bathroom cleaning up prior to scouring the counters when I looked up and thought, “That’s my MOM!!!”

Now, don’t get me wrong. My mom is a very good looking woman. I only WISH I looked like her! But it wasn’t that I witnessed her physical beauty in my mirror.

It’s just that I have her “11” between my eyes.

You know what I mean. The two lines constantly frowning, even when you aren’t worried or angry? Yeah, those!!! So, after I stopped ogling at the mirror, I did what any rational woman would do. I washed my face and slathered intensive wrinkle cream on my forehead, and started smiling at everything. Not even the dog having an accident wiped the smile off my face.

It doesn’t mean I won’t ever get mad. It just means I will be smiling while yelling 😉

Needles in Soft Haystacks

Well, not real haystacks.

Yesterday was an adventure. And by “adventure”, I mean “roller coaster”. I hate roller coasters. I prefer to keep my feet on the ground and enjoy the scenery rather than have my life flash by in a blur. But every so often one has to get on to prove to oneself that the roller coaster is not the boss of you!

Anyway, I had another mammogram done, as well as an ultrasound. I want to stress that everyone in the Radiology Department was beyond awesome. That doesn’t mean the mammogram was gentle, by any means. To add insult to injury, she had to retake it because she didn’t get enough on the squishy plates. Talk about an ego killer. Once she was done, I went back out to wait for the ultrasound. I felt relief because how bad can the ultrasound be, right? They place a bit of gel in the questionable area and swipe a transducer across to get an image. Piece of cake, right? WRONG!! It turns out it wasn’t just one nodule, but several, and as the technician swiped the transducer across it pushed against a tender area causing a rather large amount of discomfort. To make things worse, she kept missing it, because the cysts kept moving, so she had to dig juuuuust a little more each time to get a good view.

Owie….

Not my actual ultrasound, but a good representation.

Now, imagine about 20 of them. Two of them were proving to be difficult, so the radiologists decided to drain the fluid in each one. And you may ask, just how is this done?

By inserting a syringe and withdrawing the fluid!!

Normally, this is were most people would totally wig out. And I came close, but when push comes to shove, you do what you must, right? So, I sat there as they explained the procedure, and told me how they would apply a local anesthetic so that I wouldn’t feel the needles (one for each cyst). That sounds good so far. Anyway, I laid flat on my back so that he could see the outline of the cysts better, and that’s when he noticed the bruise on the left haystack.

Doc: Wow, what happened here?

Me: Uh… long story.

Hubby: *snickers*

Me: A dog bit it, ok??

Doc: (laughing) This sure isn’t boring.

By now I was just itching to get this over with and done, but of course it’s never simple. I thought the local anesthetic was topical. Noooooooooooo…. it is injected. So there I am, on my side, arm way up over my head and falling asleep, scapula digging into the hard pillow used to prop me on my side, and the resident telling me to stay as still as possible and that I will “just feel a pinch”.

It’s a damn good thing he was a gorgeous redhead because I wanted to kill him on the spot. I was holding Hubby’s hand, clenching it actually, whimpering as quietly as I could, when I started to feel like my arm was ballooning. It was just like being at the dentist’s, only instead of drooling all over my arm just went totally limp. Thank you, Lord, for good drugs. As I watched the ultrasound, I see a needle being inserted into the area, and the resident wiggling it ever closer to the cyst. And what happens? The cyst decides to play coy, and move around!! GAH!!!! So he wiggles some more, into an area that is not completely anesthesized. Um, OY!! But as a good patient, I stay very still, and finally see him prick the cyst and withdraw the fluid. The second cyst was less problematic, but had to be wiggled into place. It was a very weird feeling having one’s haystack be moved around like that. But all good things come to an end.

Now it was time to go over recovery instructions. I figured it would be relatively simple stuff, watching for infection, keeping the swelling down, etc. I was taking it all in, until the nurse said I can only take acetaminophen for pain.

Excuse me??

I don’t get 12,000 mg ibuprofen?? No Vicodin?? NOTHING??? Acetaminophen just doesn’t work for me. I asked her why only that, and her reply was to prevent more bruising and bleeding in the area. To which I almost said, “That’s what Band-Aids™ are for, right??” But I was a good patient, and did as I was told. As I thought, acetaminophen did nothing for the pain, but the cold packs did. Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep with those, so I was a bit uncomfortable, but at least it beats the alternative.

So, in answer to y’all’s question, yes. I do have matching bruises now 😉

Shopping for Daddy

In one phrase: it’s hell.

My dad is happy with a gift card to Barnes and Noble™. DONE!!! My father-in-law? Cooking stuff. DONE!! But Hubby? He doesn’t want anything. He has stacks of gifts still in boxes for which he has no use. One year, I gave him a miniature Stonehenge for his desk. It’s in a drawer, along with the Leonardo Da Vinci 3D Vitruvian Man. Oh, and yesterday I found his stash of plush microbes.

Yes, he has some of those. He is a pathologist, after all!

It’s sweet that he always tells us he doesn’t want anything, but it’s difficult to make Father’s Day special for him. This summer he was invited to return to Hungary to a medical school there, and I’m seriously thinking of packing him up and screaming “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!” as he passes through TSA checkpoints. It would be a lot simpler!!

What are y’all’s plans for the dads in your life?

A Bit Nippy

As God is my witness, I am not making this up.

Yesterday, the window on my van was repaired. That required the presence of a “stranger” in my driveway. My neighbor’s dog, an awesome, well-trained Australian Shepherd, was consequently driven nuts by the fact that someone he doesn’t know was in such close proximity to the area he is tasked to guard. I could hear him barking even while I was inside my house. Anyway, my neighbor was also dogsitting for her parents’ Aussie, a much younger, active, less-trained puppy. This puppy has the gift of egging other dogs on about barking and chasing and doing the things dogs normally do, only at a few orders of magnitude. In other words, the puppy is usually the instigator.

Not the actual Aussie, but gorgeous nonetheless!

After the repairman left, I moved the van into the garage, and then proceeded to go move the Pathfinder to the driveway, since I had parked it on the street. My neighbor, blessed woman that she is, was out with both dogs letting them relieve themselves. Her dog wasn’t on a leash, because he is trained to stay on the lawn. Before I go any further, I must underline how much I like this dog. As I walked down my driveway, perilously close to my neighbor’s yard, the dog, still in protective mode, charges at me. As taught, I stand my ground, and as HE was taught, he charges again.

My neighbor is screaming at her dog while frantically holding on to the instigator puppy.

On the second charge, the dog finds something to nip at. Now, my arms were at my sides, and I was standing sideways to him by this time. The only thing he can detect, small as it is, is my *ahem* upper pectoral milk decanting device. As I said, he is well-trained, so he only nipped at it.

But holy cow that was more than enough!!!

In tears, I get in the Pathfinder and move it, while my neighbor is calming and reinforcing training on her dog. I get out to let her know I’m fine, and hilarity ensues.

Neighbor: ARE YOU OK????

Me: Yes, it hurt a bit but..

Neighbor: OMIGAWD!! Did (name redacted to protect the innocent) bite you???

Me: Just a nip, nothing serious, really. (I am trying to calm her down by now)

Neighbor: Where??

Me: Uh…. (pointing).

Neighbor: OMIGAWD!!! Did he break skin???

(Keep in mind if a dog does draw blood, it must be quarantined for 72 hours, and the person treated for it)

Me: Oh no… not at all. I’m fine.

Neighbor: Are you sure? Take a picture of it and send it to me.

Me: (Laughing) No offense, but that is something I would only do for Hubby!!

Luckily, I am married to a doctor who took it upon himself to *ahem* check it over to make sure it was ok. Yes, it’s a bit tender, but it will heal. Suffice it to say, the dog was very contrite, and did snuggle up to me to make up for it. He sure is an awesome dog, but apparently takes that whole “take a bite out of crime” thing to extremes 😉

Fate is Fickle, and She Laughs A Lot

It never fails….

Yesterday started really well. I was cleaning, getting the house ready for a visit from The Nomstress and her family. SQUEEE!!! Anyway, I was in the groove, moving along, and getting stuff done, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Lawnmower Man™, but not to collect payment. Turns out while mowing the front lawn, the mower kicked up a small rock with enough force to take out a van window.

My first thought was, thank goodness no one was hurt. The next thought? “OMIGAWD!! WHAT DO I DO NOW???” But I calmed down, talked to him, and agreed on a payment plan, called my insurance, and arranged for replacing and clean up.

Unfortunately, I spent two hours in the hot Texas sun cleaning and picking glass out of the lawn, instead of getting their room ready in the cool comfort of my home. Several cuts and a nice red face later, I managed to finish my chores prior to their arrival, but only just. I want to think Fate is done playing with me, but I get the feeling she’s found a perfect target for her mirth 😉