Tag Archives: it’s-not-fat-it’s-poofy

Obligatory Best and Worst Presents of Christmas 2014

Hubby kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I’m at the age where I don’t need anything, but he is at the age where skipping on giving me a gift is downright dangerous. It never fails. I write a Santa’s List™ and you would think it’s written in Sanskrit from the way my family reacts. Again, what is so difficult about giving me PJs or knives or wineglasses?? In his defense he wanted to give me something I could use, and also something that I didn’t already own.

Behold the Precious!!!!

pink hoodie footie

He gave me the Hoodie Footie, not the gal. I have to say, I love that piece of cotton candy wannabe fluff. I had one a few years back but gave it to my German friend, who needed it waaaaay more than I did because, GERMANY. I admit there have been days when I wore it all day during the holidays. I am not ashamed. I love it with the burning of a thousand suns, though I am glad it’s not hot like a thousand suns because I want to keep snuggling in it and even call it Georgette.

That was the Best of this year. Normally I stop there, because I firmly believe there’s no such thing as a bad present. But this year tested the limit.

mini masher

That’s a mini masher. Not exactly a Worst gift. But it’s hard to appreciate it when it bent on first use, while using it to mash avocados. I wish I could say it was my indomitable strength, but I am trying to save y’all from spewing all over your keyboards. Still, better to be thought of than be passed over, right?

And what were your best and worst gifts this Christmas? 😀


It Is Never too Late to Think About Halloween

Seriously, Halloween is just over 100 days away. I have to plan accordingly.

Each year, the kids’ costumes get more intricate. Last year, Eldest dressed as a weird, foul character from Skyrim™, complete with live snake for a necklace. Little One chose another character, and her cloak had stuffed crows attached to it.

Not real crows, mind you. I may be crafty, but I have never learned taxidermy.

This year the girls want to do something more subtle. Eldest may or may not participate, due to upcoming commitments, but Little One has plans…. big plans. And they involve cherry syrup and scar makeup. No, I have no idea if it’s for her, or a victim friend. Sometimes that child makes me afraid.

As for myself, I was all set to make an elaborate Steampunk costume. Until I realized that I would be handing out candy to a lot of kids and their parents who would have no idea what the heck Steampunk is. But not to worry. I have an excellent plan in mind. One that will probably get parents to ban my house from trick-or-treating next year. I’m not divulging what it is, but here’s a hint.

black tulle skirt

Only it will be black and tan. So you get two hints. And no, I am not going as Vader Princess, much as I would love to.

Maybe next year 😉


File This Under, “Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?”

Yesterday I was taking my shower when it hit me.

liz taylor shampoo

I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower and when I wash my hair the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the advertisement, which should clearly be a warning, “for extra body and volume.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight. It’s not the food. IT’S THE SHAMPOO!!!

Well, so much for shampoo. I’m getting rid of that stuff and switching over to Dawn™ dishwashing detergent. Why?

Because the label clearly advertises that it “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

I am a GENIUS! Y’all can thank me with chocolate. There’s Dawn™ for that 😉


In My Next Life

Y’all have read that cute little email or post about how women want to be a bear in their next life, right?

I don’t.

Sure, you get to sleep through your pregnancy and eat whatever you want, and never have to shave, and kill whatever threatens your cubs, and hey, even fish all day.

Before caffeination.

I’m a “glass empty” kind of gal. I don’t want to come back as a mama bear. That just means I will end up as someone else’s fur rug or trophy. The only upside to being a bear is being able to terrorize campers in Yellowstone. And even then you run the risk of being shot with thorazine, or worse, shot with bullets. No thanks. I’ll pass on being a bear.

No, in my next life I want to be an American Bald Eagle. Awesome eyesight, sharp talons, great nesting, and totally protected. Even my feathers are protected.

I just hope I come back in the US side, and not Canada 😀


Tangled

I hate having a bad hair day. Seems like those are the ONLY ones I have. In a futile attempt at “styling” my hair this morning, I decided to twist separate wet strands and then roll and pin to my head. I had little cinnamon buns all over my head, which then made me hungry. I went off to try and clean up my work areas and organize my craft supplies, because it’s Eldest’s senior year and I had to get stuff to make her Homecoming mum, among other things. After a while I notice my hair is dry, so like an excited child unwrapping a present, I get all giddy thinking I will look like a gal in a Pantene™ commercial and run downstairs to undo the Cinnaminis™.

Can you say “Mufasa”?? YES, YOU CAN!!!

Seriously, the photo does not capture the fluffiness of the debacle that is my hair. I think next time I will do Cinnabons™ a la Princess Leia. Thank goodness I have no place to be. There’s only so many times I can take hearing “Circle of Life” from laughing kids 😉


Lots of Locks for Love!!

This morning I am taking Little One to donate her hair for Locks of Love. She has the most beautiful hair, and it is with great sadness that I will do this for her, but with great joy too, for she is thinking of others.

She makes me very proud, and teary eyed.

I will update this afternoon with a pic of her new ‘do. I can’t guarantee I will be legible, since I’ll probably imbibe something with which to ease the hysteria 😉

UPDATE WITHOUT HYSTERIA:

It looks adorable, and she looks so much older now.

I’m not ready for that. I’m going to go drink now. 😉


Well, I Did It

And I had a wonderful time. Yesterday I had the Travelling Red Dress™ photo shoot (info on the TRD is here). I had an amazing time with the photographer, Elizabeth, of Amakua Market Photography. She is a young woman who has an infectious love of life, and a wonderful personality, as well as that rarest of rare things: a love of her job. Grateful for the warm weather, we decided to go to the Japanese Gardens and walk around taking pics and laughing while enjoying the scenery.

And this is me. In the Almost Red Dress.

Yes, pixelated to protect my secret identity.

I found that this dress has a secret: it’s a magnifying glass. I started off wearing this dress to give myself a bit of magic, and found that the dress didn’t give it to me, it only let’s it show through. For that hour when I wore it, I saw myself like a court jester, and a petite flower, and a queen, and a little fish in the big pond full of Koi, and I loved it!! Big or small, I liked what I saw. It took me a long time to realize that I like who I am, and this dress helped me to see that others have always felt the same way. No, not everyone likes me, but at least I can see why some people do.

And the Converse All Stars™ were definitely the finishing touch 😉


I Need to Invest in a Rake

I have temporary custody of my sister-in-law’s sheltie. It is a very pretty, very fluffy dog.

It also barks a lot.

Anyway, I usually sit with her and comb her coat before Eldest gives her a bath. One thing about this dog: she LOVES getting a bath. She also LOVES being combed. And finally, she LOVES getting her coat blown dry. I think she was a princess in a former life. But boy, does she ever shed.

I know you can’t tell very well, but that pile was the stuff I combed out. And it didn’t even make a dent, people!! She fluffed herself up again, and I could see little bits of fluff floating down to the ground. If I can’t use a rake, I will start using the vacuum on her coat.

At least she was happy!


Leaves of Red

It never fails. No matter where we move to, there is always some plant or tree that acts weird in my yard. I had a calla lily that Hubby bought for me when Son was born. I planted that outside our front door, and that thing bloomed like it was on radioactive steroids. I blamed it for giving me false hope about ever growing plants. In Germany, I had dusty millers that grew into bushes, causing my German neighbors to take me to task for letting them get out of hand. In reality, they were supposed to grow to 5 inches in height, not take over the garden. I ended up yanking them out completely. Oh, and foxglove made an appearance in the back garden. My next door neighbor kindly pointed out that it was poisonous. I kindly pointed out that it was a feature, not a bug.

And now, my tree won’t give up its leaves. I thought it was a fluke last year, since it was warm late in autumn here, but no. My tree is the only one that is clinging bitterly to its leaves, even after the windstorm we had last night.

There are other trees in the neighborhood that still have leaves, but not many deciduous ones. Sigh…. my tree can’t even defoliate right….


Celestial Sithy

One of my favorite haunts is HubbleSite. I love me some astronomy! Of course, perusing that site eventually makes you pick and choose your favorites, even though the entire gallery is magnificent in scope and information. And this is one of mine:

A chocolate-covered cherry in the Cosmos.

This is V838 Monocerotis, and you are looking at the light echo from the red supergiant star, which illuminates the dust surrounding it.

Don’t forget: tonight is a full moon! Go outside and enjoy the heavens!!