I Have No Time Except For Sithy

At least, it feel like it.

In my infinite knowledge, I scheduled two doctor appointments for myself this week, plus Son’s orthodontics appointment for tomorrow. My sister is hosting her weekly BBQ get-together on Thursday, which is also Honors Night at the Jr. High. My niece’s wedding rehearsal dinner is on Friday, and Saturday is the big to-do, scheduled for nine hours, because we are sure going to have a great time, people! But before then, I have to finish decorating a box for cards for the wedding gift table, and finish getting the girls dresses ready. And in between this, I have to keep going over to the bank to deliver about 1,296 documents so we can refinance the house. So while I run all over South Central Texas, take time to enjoy a Sithy.

After this week, I bet I will need something a bit…darker. Have a great day! 😉

Stupid Aggie Tricks

Today I was perusing the social-site-with-faces for news and sundry, when I noticed my friend PajamaMomma‘s status:

Running late…..washed my hair in the sink with dish soap. I hope I don’t get “dish pan” hair.

And that got me to thinking of all the stupid things I have done simply because I saw them on TV. I’m not saying PJM’s hair washing was stupid. I consider it sheer genius. It just so happens that her status post triggered a memory avalanche.

I hate it when that happens.

#1– I have tried and enjoyed milk with Pepsi™.

On a dare at the college cafeteria, this n00b took on a member of the elite baseball team (Chris Knoblauch, if you must know) and drank a glass of milk with ghastly Pepsi. It is the only way I will drink either.

#2– Soaked my fingernails in Palmolive™ dishwashing liquid.

To this day I don’t know why doing that was a Good Thing™. All I got out of it was clean cuticles.

#3– Wrote my name using Era™ liquid detergent, on a grass stain that I incurred on my jeans while doing something no doubt stupid.

Yeah, you have to actually LET IT SET for hours before you see any change. I wasted half a container and incurred motherly wrath.

#4– Washed my hair with Ajax™.

Obviously, I learned a lot from Laverne and Shirley. Also, Ajax™ strips your hair of oils and residue pretty well. Do not do this more than once a month, though.

#5– Carried Certs™ around just in case I had a “Certs encounter.”

The closest I had to a “Certs encounter” was years ago, in the wine section of the supermarket, and the gentleman was in his late 70’s. Neither one of us had Certs™. Thank goodness.

These are just a few of my…. fails, I suppose. I am sure I am not alone. At least PJM has done her share. So I have that going for me 😀

Whirling Dervish Alert

Well, not really. I’m not a mystic. But I have been going around in circles trying to get things done around here.

The past few days I have been working around the yard. Yes, the cacti are still alive. So are the petunias. So far. Anyway, I decided to redo the backyard area a bit. I have this really neat ironwork pot holder that I brought back from Germany and had been standing against the back wall unused and forlorn. I moved it out from under the loquat tree and placed it against a sunny area along the fence, then planted petunias (Hello! Have you met me??) to display on it. It looks so nice and makes a great backdrop for my dog, who thinks I beautified the area for her. She’s funny like that.

I discovered to my chagrin that one of my three beautiful hostas did not survive the last freeze, so now I have another planter to fill with….something. I love hostas, but they don’t fare as well down here as they do up north. I may get a hydrangea and take a chance that I won’t end up murdering it it will do well under the tree along the other hostas. I just know I have to put something in the planter. It’s a jones of mine. I see an empty planter or pot and I have to put a soon-to-be-in-hospice plant in it. Currently I have four planters to fill. Which means a trip to the nursery in search of more victims flowers with which to beautify the backyard. Or the front yard.

That’s how I feel when I garden. At least until the plants begin their transition from hospice to flora heaven. Then not so much.

But until then, I shall enjoy the pretty flowers and make plans to go to Hobby Lobby and buy fake ones when they go on sale so I can replace them after mourning the passing of the current crop. It makes sense to me, and that’s all that counts 🙂

Gears, Grinding

There are just some things out there that defy explanation, even to a female such as myself. I say that because female logic is far different than actual logic.

We all know this. Best to acknowledge and move on.

Why do some gals wear pink camouflage clothing? Are they hunting flamingos? Cotton candy? What??

Why is the word “asked” pronounced “axed” by some people? I don’t live in an episode of The Walking Dead.

Why do people ask if they can be honest with you? Wouldn’t you rather be slapped by the truth than kissed with a lie?

Why do kids insist on saying YOLO? You live every day. You die only once.

Anyway, I have been writing this ENTIRE post for over four hours. Actually more like six hours. I lost track of time and forgot I had been writing this morning. I blame Pinterest. And the dogs. Maybe a few squirrels as well. Hope y’all had a pleasant day 🙂

Thursday Never List

I’m so sorry I haven’t been blogging here in a few days. I’ve been having some health concerns and had to get all my ducks to the other side. Things are fine, but if you remember this, then you’ll understand. I am blessed with a recurrence and a fabulous outlook, because it could always be worse. Anyway, that’s over and done with and I can now get back to the regularly (pshaw!) scheduled blog.

Today’s list will be the last for a while. It gets harder and harder to do a Never List as I blog along. And I find lists to be like cheating. I do feel like I don’t put effort into a post when I do a list. Although it takes me FOREVER to think of a topic, so I have that going for me.

And you pay with rectangular bills.

Things I Will Never Understand

#5– Ketchup on burgers but not on steak.

Unless the cow has two different genetic codes, I fail to see why you can’t eat steak with ketchup.

#4– Driving gloves.

Sure, some time back they were necessary. But the steering wheel has come a long way, baby.

#3– Lip scrub.

Your lip has some of the thinnest skin on your persona and you want to polish it?

#2– A tax hike is permanent but a tax cut is temporary.

And still, people don’t notice that.

#1– How some females use their gender to get out of a ticket.

Seriously, I don’t get how a woman could lower herself to that point, especially when she is in the wrong.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I’m off to take some Tylenol™ because I am not supposed to have any blood thinning pain medication after having needles in my upper pectoral area. Now that you have that visual, I hope you can enjoy the rest of your Thursday 😉

Brace Yourselves….

….because Easter is coming!!!

Not that you could tell with the weather. Apparently, Winter wants to enjoy Summer just as much as we do. But no matter. Soon enough we will be enjoying warmer weather and complaining about that, too.

One thing that Winter can’t stop is the coming of Easter and that means THE END OF LENT!! And you had better believe I am ready for it.

Very ready….

That’s for the brunch after church service. Mimosas will look AWESOME served in such glamour! And for the afternoon, a special gift from my dad. No clue what he is trying to tell me, though.

Nope, not a clue. But it is handy. After a while, you just don’t want to mess with glass while drinking. So I hear. Anyway, a cold front has decided to come visit us, so I’m off to get groceries for the coming Apocalypse Week. We hit 40* F here and go on a wild buying binge for the probable end. We do freaking out well. It’s almost an art around here.

Hope y’all stay warm and cozy and have plenty of milk and eggs and bread 🙂

Thursday Never List

The other day I was grocery shopping when a gent asked my opinion on wine.

I was in the baking section.

I simply shrugged it off as just a passing thing, until he asked me what I  prefer to drink when on a date. I told him that HUBBY AND I prefer to drink whisky. He scooted off with a murmured “thank you ma’am”. Later, while at the check-out line, another gent asked if I was making Caprese salad for dinner (I had tomatoes, basil, and mozzarella cheese), to which I replied in the affirmative. He then goes on to exclaim how much he LOVES it and how he prepares it, and then offers to teach me his method of Caprese salad making. I seriously thought I was in the Twilight Zone. No one but acquaintances and friends and the cashier ever speak to me, and here were two men who were giving me grocery pick up lines?? And then I figured out why:

Yep, THAT is the shirt I was wearing. Men are simple, I guess. But that got me to thinking about truly horrible pick up lines. And honestly I drew a major blank, so I had to ask Hubby and other male friends. And the results were awesome!

Pick Up Lines to Never Use

#5– You’re so hot, you’re melting the elastic in my underwear.

After hearing that, I would pray for spontaneous combustion.

#4– Do you believe in love at first sight?

In a smoky bar with a disco ball and lasers and spotlights? If you do, you may need LSD to make things normal.

#3– You are beautiful. I am ugly. Let’s have average children.

I give this one marks for honesty.

#2– Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

If an angel falls from Heaven, they are now serving in Hell. So you basically called her Satan’s minion.

#1- If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

It only works for the Bellamy Brothers.

So that’s the list for this week. Hope y’all never have to hear any of these at the grocery store 😉

How to Have a Spa Experience at Home

Some of y’all know, I am a fan of bubble baths. So I thought I would take the opportunity of sharing my tips for a successful spa day at home.

First, make sure no one is about to run the dishwasher or the washing machine. Cold water is not your friend. Unless it’s 113* F outside, and only if the cold water has fermented hops in it.

Second, choose the aromatherapy. You can opt for bubble bath, bath oil, candles, whatever makes you feel happy. Be advised that bubbles hinder you when reading, oil makes the tub slippery, and candles can be hazardous to long hair. All three together is only going to end in tears and fried hair.

Third, secure the premises. Sure, locking the front and back doors is fine, but I am talking about securing the bath from pets and kidlets. Nothing more distracting than having to fight your sheltie for bathtub acreage while a kid is asking to help bathe the four-legged sister.

Fourth, keep your robe and towel handy. Nothing worse than taking a hot bath while slathered in a facial mask, only to find that your towel is nowhere near, and your eyes are shut from the sweat having melted the mask down your eyebrows, making you trip out of the tub and faceplant on the carpet.

Fifth, and most important, do not take a single glass of wine into the tub. Bring the bottle. You will find that time really does stand still and there is only so much reading of a crappy novel before you want to drown away the bad taste of some idiotic damsel in distress over a broken nail. Bonus: it helps drown out loud pets, loud kidlets, and loud hubby.

I hope these tips help y’all to have a nice relaxing spa experience at home. If all else fails, you still have the wine 😉

Thursday Never List

Wow, look at this! Three posts in a row!! WHOO HOO!!

Yesterday, I was in a conversation with blog friend Tiberius over at the social-site-with-faces, complaining about how I never finish folding my laundry because I hate, hate, HATE folding underwear and socks. I despise it with every fiber of my being.

Tiberius: Caught up on all the washing backlog?

Me: Ugh, sorta.

Tiberius: What happened?

Me: One load left to fold and I hate doing socks and underwear.

Tiberius: You don’t fold socks and underwear do you?

Me: I do!

Tiberius: Why??

Me: ………………………..

My mom trained us to fold everything. Heck, she even ironed my dad’s boxers. She was militant about folding things correctly. And by “correctly”, I mean “her way”. Yes, even fitted sheets.

Things One Should Never Bother Folding

#5– Hosiery

Socks, pantyhose, stockings… as long as you pair them, you’re good to go. Unless your sock drawer looks like former President Bush 41’s colorful array. Then you shouldn’t even bother with pairing them.

#4– Placemats

I understand folding napkins, but placemats??

#3– Long-sleeved T-shirts

Sure, short sleeve T-shirts are easy to fold if you choose to fold them. But long sleeved? I feel like I’m constructing an accordion.

#2– Undies

Disclosure: I do. But I was kind enough to tell my kids they could just lay them out flat, or throw them in the drawers as long as they did their laundry, and they were clean. You have to pick your battles.

#1– Fitted sheets

Sigh…. I know how to fold a fitted sheet. My mother taught me, and I learned the Martha Stewart way, as well. But what is the point?? Even if you wad it up into a ball, you end up stretching it over the mattress and that takes care of all the wrinkles! GAH!!

So that’s my Never List for today. To fold or not to fold, that’s not the question. The question is, what to do with the extra time?? 😉

Book List Challenge

A few days ago, our blogger friend Nicole posted her list of personal book likings and dislikings. She took her cue from Lynn over at Violins and Starships, which should win best blog name on the interwebs. Anyway, reading books is something I love to do. I also love to make art out of them, but that’s for another blog.

1. Your favorite book: Soooooo difficult, but I really can’t pick just one.

2. Your least favorite book: In the last decade, that would be The Da Vinci Code. I wanted to throw it away by the end of the second chapter.

3. A book that completely surprised you (bad or good): Hm…. I would have to say I didn’t expect to like The Giver, by Lois Lowry. I read it since Eldest was assigned the book for school, and found it well-written, even for adults.

4. A book that reminds you of home: Postal de Tierra Adentro (Postcard from the Inner Land), by C. O. Padilla. Literally, a book about my hometown.

5. A non-fiction book that you actually enjoyed: The Monuments Men, by Robert Edsel.

6. A book that makes you cry: A Knight in Shining Armor, by Jude Deveraux. Yes, it’s a romance novel. But I found the concept of souls meeting again, instead of bodies, to be enchanting.

7. A book that’s hard to read: Ulysses, by James Joyce. GAH!!

8. An unpopular book you believe should be a bestseller: I don’t really know of any.

9. A book you’ve read more than once: All of them, except Pet Sematary.

10. The first novel you remember reading: The Secret of the Old Clock, by Carolyn Keene. Yes, Nancy Drew was my portal into the world of reading.