En Guarde

Yesterday was a glorious day. The high was 86* and the sun was shining and the geese were beginning their flights back to the Great White North.

Weather in Texas is only constant in the Summer. In the Winter, it’s a crap shoot.

Early this morning, I awoke to the sounds of the wind rustling the trees and the screens, which meant a cool front was moving through (it’s a cold front for us when the temperature drops to the 60’s, but for my readers northward, I will just stick with “cool”). Anyway, I get up and begin my rounds of coffee-making, kid-waking, and garbage-gathering, when I hear the wind topple something outside. And that meant the dogs had to bark at it.

WOOF YAP WOOF YAP YAP!!

YAP WOOF YAP YAP WOOF!!

That’s what you and I would hear.

This is what it translates to:

HEY MOM!!

SOMETHING FELL OUTSIDE!

YOU SHOULD CHECK IT.

JUST FYI…

I go over to the backdoor and open it, so they can go make sure things are fine (it was a chair that was blown over). And what do they do?

They stand away from the door, and look up at me as if to say, “MOM, OUR JOB IS TO WARN YOU. YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE CARE OF WHATEVER IS OUT THERE.”

They may not be the greatest guard dogs, but they keep us happy 🙂

I Don’t Need an Adventure, Since I Shop at Wal-Mart™

Last night after dinner, the girls asked if we could stop at Wal-Mart™ for cotton swabs. I figured it would be a quick trip since we were on that side of the highway already. The first thing I did was check my clothes. I don’t want anyone taking my pic for the “People of Walmart” site. Then I checked my teeth for the same reason.

We went in and suddenly, Eldest had to check Electronics for a CD and Little One had to get cookies for her after school practice. One heads north, the other west, and I head east to the far side of the store to get what we came to get, cotton swabs.

Only I took a slight detour and ended in the floral section, where they had burlap ribbon. In my defense, it was still on the way to the baby section. Oh, and the moss was on clearance, so I got that, too. As I was leaving the aisle, a man turns to me to ask my opinion on candle scents. He was trying to choose between a floral and a spice. I asked him where he was going to burn it, and he said (no joke) his car. I told him to go with the spice. I figured it would make the smouldering heap that will soon be his car smell better.

I spent the next five minutes wandering back to the Electronics, to find that both girls are looking at videogames. “I thought you were looking for a CD?” I inquired. Eldest replied that they didn’t have it, so they were looking for other stuff.

At that point I did exclaim, “GAH!!!”

We make our way to the baby section, and get cotton swabs, when suddenly they both exclaim, “WE NEED SHAMPOO!!!” Fine…shampoo is one aisle over. Then they proceed to look over every single brand to determine which would make their hair look like a Pantene™ commercial. We all know the answer is “none”, but still they want to pick something new. And it can’t be the same brand, either. As I wait, I overhear a lady further down the aisle telling her daughter to hurry up and pick something.

I’m glad to see it wasn’t just me.

Finally, they pick out their miracle formulas, and we head out to pay. And suddenly, AGAIN, they remember razors. Back we go, get razors, and go all the way down to the self-checkout lane, where out of fifteen lanes, only three are in operating order. Sigh…. Finally we get to a lane, and proceed to check out, taking far longer due to the fact that the bags were not co-operating and the guy manning the stations kept having to unlock me out because the scanner was insisting I had an unauthorized item in my bag, which was impossible since the bags were not co-operating.

So, what was supposed to take maybe 15 minutes turned into a 45 minute ordeal and cost $60. All because we needed cotton swabs. And guess what? I get to do it all over again, because I forgot to get Hubby’s razor blades.

It’s not a job. It’s an adventure 😉

Will, Meet Way

Lenten Fridays are always a challenge. Since we observe no meat on Fridays, the menus are a bit more limited, especially since Little One is so dang picky in the first place. Some people allow fish on Fridays, and that’s why there are fish sticks in the freezer right now, since I am positive that Little One will not want what’s on the menu for this evening.

ZOMG AWESOME!! And so easy to make. And above all, no complaining from the head of the household. And by that, I mean Hubby.

Now, time for me to get going. I have a Confirmation to attend, gifts to wrap,dinner to set up, dessert to cool, and Guilder to frame for it 😉

Shaving With Occam’s Razor

Why do people make things complicated?

A friend of mine decided to redo her pantry. Good for her, I say! I love remodeling, and love to see the “before-and-after” pics people post on social sites. But her redo makes absolutely no sense to me.

See, she has wire shelving in her pantry, and hates it. Small things fall through, and some things just topple over. I have the same problem. I despise all of the wire shelving in this house, with the possible exception of the linen closet, because I do like air to circulate through the linens. It’s one of my Jones. Anyway, her solution is going to set her back about $4,000. She is ripping out all the shelving and putting in wood shelves and having them painted. All for an area that seldom will be seen by visitors. Now like I said, I’m all for home improvement, but NOT when I can find an easier, more cost effective solution, like this one!

That’s peel and stick tile, which you can get for less than a dollar per square foot. Simply peel the backing, and apply to the wire shelf. That’s it. I did the math, and it hurt my brain, but for my pantry the total cost would be about $40, and I would have enough left over to do a few shelves in the kids’ rooms. Can you imagine what you could buy with the $3, 960???

Even after I told her of my solution, she was undeterred. She wants to make upgrades to her home in case she has to sell it. I can understand that. I remember when she took a wobbly chair in to get the legs shortened. I told her a bit of cork under the short leg would have solved her problem. She replied, “But the cork wouldn’t match the color [of the chair].” She never thought of a Sharpie™.

I must say she is an inspiration to me. She always makes me think of the easiest solution to the problem du jour. It’s a gift, and a curse 😉

My Boring Life

Today finds me waiting with bated breath for the mail carrier. Why? Because the only thing I have to look forward to today is my shipment of felt.

Yes, the stuff we played with in elementary school to make Christmas decorations with Elmer’s Glue™ and popsicle sticks. But the felt I ordered is wool, so it’s more sturdy to use for the flowers I am addicted to making love to make. Hopefully this evening I will be sitting in front of the TV cutting out shapes in preparation to hot glue my fingers together make the pretty new styles I found on the interwebnets.

I did tell y’all my life is boring.

Anyway, I’m off to stalk the mailbox check to see if it’s here yet. Hope y’all have a far more exciting Saturday!! 🙂

Friday Sithy

I am observing fast today and really have no idea what to write since my coherence level is at an irrational number so I thought of posting a Sithy courtesy of my friend PepeLp who knows me well enough to send me a mash up of Sith and Archaeology.

Second best run on sentence ever.

If I could print this on papyrus, I would.

Have an awesome Friday!! 😀

File This Under, “Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?”

Yesterday I was taking my shower when it hit me.

I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower and when I wash my hair the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the advertisement, which should clearly be a warning, “for extra body and volume.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight. It’s not the food. IT’S THE SHAMPOO!!!

Well, so much for shampoo. I’m getting rid of that stuff and switching over to Dawn™ dishwashing detergent. Why?

Because the label clearly advertises that it “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

I am a GENIUS! Y’all can thank me with chocolate. There’s Dawn™ for that 😉

Flighty

This morning found me in a grey world. Overcast and cooler outside, and slight drizzles, the kind that are light enough to stand in, but hell to drive in. And as usual, the people who freak out over condensed moisture were out and about making a nuisance for everyone. One lady had her hazards on and was driving ten miles under the speed limit. How do I know it was the drizzle and not car trouble that made her slow and cautious? Because she was hunched over the steering wheel, peering through the windshield like it was covered in mud.

We have a few of them around here. Rain is that unusual.

Anyway, as I was waiting at the stop light, I looked up, and saw the migratory grackles, all in rows.

I had to laugh, thinking of a much younger Eldest the first time she noticed them here in winter:

Eldest: Daddy, why are there still so many birds around? Don’t they fly south for the winter?

Hubby: Honey, they did. THIS is the south they fly to!

Eldest: Why not go to Mexico? It’s way warmer.

Me: Because there they are part of the food chain, honey.

Eldest: 😯

No, it’s true. I’ve partaken of pigeon and grackle stew before on my many visits there. Good stuff, too! No sense in being delicate about the Circle of Life™, you know. But really, I just wanted to freak her out.

I’m a mom. It’s my job 😉

Stormheart

Today’s Sithy is brought to y’all courtesy of XBradTC!!

He knows my weaknesses.

Look closely, and you’ll understand why I call him that. If that’s not epic, I don’t know what is.

Have a great Wednesday!! 😉

Never Listen to Werewolves While Eating Cake

I will never learn. Probably because that would mean giving up cake and that’s just never going to happen.

Last night after dinner, Hubby and I had some of his birthday cake: white chocolate with raspberry filling. To. Die. For. Apparently, I didn’t have nearly enough to satisfy my sweet tooth, because after he went to bed, I had another slice, while listening to Warren Zevon. And the dream which resulted from that smash-up was epic!

I was in Pittsburgh, no idea why, but for some reason I was at a Trader Vic’s discussing the merits of Rolling Rock™, and how Yuengling™ wasn’t as good as Shiner™. And I was sitting at the table with none other than my friend Soylent Green, (NSFW!!!!) who was dressed as a dentist for some odd reason, and he was yelling at me about how uncouth I was for liking my Southern libation, instead of the Northern ones, to which I told him that he needed to get his Novocaine™ out of his…. derriére and expand his horizons, and as the yelling match grew out of proportions Trader Vic came over to let us know that the werewolves were getting annoyed and Soylent takes his glass and yells at them to order Domino’s Pizza™. Then the werewolves came over and Trader Vic said that the leader would just tear our lungs out, and I said fine, but they had to settle the argument about Shiner versus Yuengling before they even took a bite.

And then I woke up.

*shakes fist at REM sleep*

Just once I wish I could finish a dream that awesome 😀