Thursday Never List

I love my kitchen. It’s nice and big and has an island upon which I sacrifice chickens do all my cooking prep. It’s really my favorite part of this house. And with having a kitchen, one must have kitchen gadgets.

Gadgets make the world go round.

However, some gadgets I can do without. Frankly, they tend to either hinder, or make things worse.

When was the last time you wanted an effigy with breakfast?

#5– Electric Potato Peeler

Why save electricity when you can whirr to your heart’s content?

#4– Egg Separator

Using one’s fingers are free.

#3– Banana Case

The world’s perfect food comes in a biodegradable container. Carrying it in a case is overkill.

#2– Salad Scissors

Some people like them, but I prefer to tear the greens with my bare hands. It’s therapeutic. And cheaper.

#1– Egg Cuber

This little gadget makes it possible for one to take a freshly peeled hard-boiled egg and make it cubed with the twist of a screw. Why you would need a square egg AFTER storage is beyond me. Seems to me one would be smarter to come up with a hen that lays square eggs, so you can store them more efficiently.

And there you have it. I have owned some of these. But not the Egg Cuber. I have standards 😀

Off to a Great Start

As some of y’all know, I have been sick this past week. I had the ‘flu and didn’t know it.

Thus proving moms are superhuman.

Anyway, this morning I went to put up last nights dishes, and found the lid to my vintage Pyrex© dish was broken in shards. Son had forgotten to gather and take out the trash. Dogs decided to run outside in the mud because the grass is too wet with dew or something. And then Lenny just had to rush back out the front door, because hey, the garbage collectors were taking OUR TRASH. No, she ran in the mud, not the street. And I just remembered the day-old laundry in the washer.

And yet it’s still a great day. Why? Because *I* could have been broken, or trashed, or muddied, or stinky. And it’s always a good day when you realize that you are none of those things, and that those things are small and don’t control your life in any way.

Remember the blessings, and ignore the crap. Unless you happened to step on it while chasing psycho dogs. Then just wipe it off and move on 😉

Thursday Never List

I love books. I love to read. I still own the first paperback I ever bought with my own money (Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë). Books are a pathway into another life, in a way. They are my escape from my mundane life. And the stuff you learn from a casual reference is limitless.

Seriously, that’s how I learned what an aglet was. Never mind that it was in some poorly written, psychotic science fiction thriller. I still learned something. But there are some books I could never ever read, or even finish reading.

#5– Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

How could anyone not know men and women are different from each other?

#4– The Da Vinci Code

I can’t get past the second chapter before screaming at it.

#3– What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Pregnancy is like the weather. One would be foolish to attempt to predict either one.

#2– The Great Gatsby

I realize that this book is considered a classic and has a very devoted following. But for me, it is rather pretentious and shallow.

#1– Anything and Everything Written by James Joyce

Never trust a man who never used punctuation.

There are plenty of badly written books out there, and plenty of well-written sleepers that never get the attention they deserve. The trick is to figure out which is which 😉

Doom and Gloom

It’s Sunday, and it is a gloomy day out here. It rained all night, and still getting some nice, peaceful rain which is always badly needed around these parts.

Makes me glad I was lazy and decided not to wash the car yesterday.

But in a way I’m not happy about the rain, because it forces my hand into doing the laundry.

And making lunch, instead of going out for fast food.

And did I mention laundry?

Sigh…..

Hope y’all have a lazy Sunday for me 😉

Thursday Never List

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who has become concerned about the rapid appearance of little wrinkles around her eye area. She told me she bought some wrinkle cream from a high-end cosmetics brand and after recovering from the price she quoted, she went on to say she would even have cosmetic surgery to “fix” the wrinkles. She asked for my opinion on what she should have done to stem the tide of ageing.

She asked a woman who can’t even be bothered to get rid of her gray, much less bother to put on wrinkle cream on her face.

Anyway, it got me to thinking: what cosmetic surgeries would I consider too much?

So here is the Never List of cosmetic surgeries for moi.

#5– Buttock augmentation

I’m sorry, but if I need a cushion, I’ll just get one from the store.

#4– Ear pinning

Nothing a hat or a good haircut wouldn’t help.

#3– Liposuction

I have seen the “suctioning”. I would rather cut any fat out with a machete than go through that.

#2– Implants for the female upper pectoral area*

It’s not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just that I imagine a 1,000 years from now, some archaeologist will be digging a grave and find these globules and think they are a religious artifact. The sad part being, he would be right.

#1– “Stiletto” surgery

Cutting off the pinkie toe so you can wear stiletto shoes?? Back in the 1400’s it was called torture. Now it’s called fashionable.

I love shoes, but not that much 😉

*Sorry for the wording, but the pr0n spam would find the blog otherwise!

10,000th Comment!!!

I can’t believe this itty bitty blog has had 10,000 approved comments. Obviously I don’t include spam in that number. If I did, it would be a lot higher. Stupid bots. Anyway, I want to express my thanks to all who take the time to comment here. I know it doesn’t take long to do so most of the time, but your time is precious to you and it means a lot that y’all share it with me.

And the honor goes to:

OGRRRE!!!

With the winning comment:

Ms. Sith, you are a sick, sick individual. I like that.

There is much truth in that statement.

So once again, thank you all for indulging me in this past time 😀

Get On My Lawn!!

Some of y’all may know, I love flamingos. Every trip to the zoo begins with me taking a photo by my pink feathered friends. I must have dozens of photos, and all of them show my gradual deterioration maturity. Who knew Photoshop™ was relatively new?

Sad to say, I don’t have any flamingo lawn ornaments. My HOA frowns on kitsch, even though a guy down the street has a veritable concrete menagerie in his front lawn. But I guess concrete deer are more realistic around these parts than a flock of flamingos. Anyway, while perusing the social-site-with-faces, a friend posted the most awesome thing since Big Mouth Billy Bass:

ZOMBIE FLAMINGO

Behold the epicness!!

You can not imagine the SQUEES OF GLEE that emanated from me yesterday. Actually, they sounded more like something from a horror movie, but that’s more fitting anyway. There are several different styles, including this one, but I liked the ones above found here. Why? Because they have TEETH, which makes them even more ridiculous. And we always go for the ridiculous here.

This year I am definitely decorating my yard for Halloween. But I’m thinking these babies will be year-round 😉

Thursday Never List

Last night I had the strangest dream. No, I didn’t sail a boat to China. I was dreaming of being in a flower field. Not wildflowers with insects and weeds and all of Nature screaming to get lucky. It was just flowers, no stems or leaves or grass at all. Just a field full of flower heads as far as I could….. I don’t know if “see” is the right word here. Detect? Sense? Whatever. It was just a bunch of flowers of every color, size, scent, and texture imaginable. Honestly, it felt like I was in a Monet painting, only not such a big mess, or so pastel-ly.

Anyway, that got me to thinking about flowers I never could get around to appreciating. There are some like the Rafflesia above, that would turn your stomach or are just plain ugly. But I am talking about the normal, everyday commercially available flowers. I suppose my dislikes are based more on mental blocks than anything else, but nevertheless I have them.

#5– Cannas

Sorry, to me they just look like the stem threw up the flower.

#4– Coreopsis Cone Flower

The petals look so wilted, they make me sad.

#3– Sunflower

Every time I see one, I am reminded of that creepy baby in Teletubbies™.

#2– Passion Flower

Honestly, it looks to me like threads unravelling and makes me itch to sew it back together.

#1– Dahlia

As pretty and sunburst-like and colorful, I just can’t get past the old Language of Flowers my grandmother taught me when I was five. It was considered the Death Flower. BIG block there for me.

So there you have my Thursday list. File it away for future reference 😉

UPDATE!!!

Hubby pointed out it isn’t Coreopsis but the Cone Flower that I think is sad. “I am good for something”, he said. I agreed 😀

Ulta-matum

Last Thursday evening, my daughters finally had time on their hands to allow their mother to take them to a beauty store, Ulta Beauty™. Little One is now turning 14, and wanted to get some make-up. I figured we would go in, get her the stuff and come out in 30 minutes.

Boy, was I wrong.

We walk in, and immediately feel the familiar disorientation. So I do what any normal mom would do: walk around aimlessly until something familiar comes into view. YAY!! LIPSTICK!!! Not only do they have almost every brand of make-up known to Womankind, they had sections for every type of make-up as well. But I was there for my kid, not me. Fine….FINE!! We go in search of the Bare Escentuals™ line, since she prefers the expensive stuff mineral make-up, and find her a kit that she likes (she is my picky child). And slyly she adds, “Mom, it doesn’t come with lip gloss…” Well, what kind of a mom would I be if I didn’t get her lip gloss? A SMART ONE!!! But she had Eldest on her side on this and I was weakened by my want need of new lip colors, so I relented. And thank goodness that Ulta™ had their lip, eye and nail colors on sale for 50% off, because that meant that I could get some lipsticks by Lipstick Queen™, which I am not ashamed to say I have been coveting for about five years now.

I understand this is not about me, but work with me here.

We saunter over to the haircare section to get some hairclips, and spy the sale bins. This place is not for the weak-minded. They had nail colors and eye quads and since they were reasonably priced I piled some in the bag decided to get some for the girls so they could experiment with them. Rounding the next corner we see the facial washes and treatments and both girls pipe up that they are out of their stuff. It was almost synchronized. But you must have a clean canvas in order to paint a masterpiece, right? Sigh…

By now what started as just four “need” items has grown to far, far more. Besides the kit, there are mascaras, eyeliner, seven bottles of nail polish, lip glosses, lipsticks, facial washes, hairclips, hair treatments, and numerous eye shadow quads. In a haze, I tell the girls that this is enough for now, because Ulta isn’t going away any time soon. So I go up to the cashier, a lovely young lady who asks me if I wish to sign up for their rewards card. My first instinct is to say no, since I seldom do that anywhere. But then I take stock of everything on the counter and tell her yes, please. With an understanding glance, she signs me up, rings up my purchases and gives me a few unexpected discounts, and tells me to enjoy my evening. I carry their behemoth-sized bag out to the car while the girls chatter along happily. Inwardly I am cringing at the bill, but the girls are happy and bonding together, something that seldom happens. And that makes up for it, no pun intended.

And that was my experience at Ulta™. Suffice it to say, Hubby took it in stride, not even batting an eye. It helped that I threw my kid under the bus told him that Little One needed a lot of new stuff. Hey, if I am going down for this, I’m taking them with me. They are enablers of the highest caliber 😉

Thursday Never List

Yesterday I wrote about having a distinct lack of motivation to get stuff finished around here. I did manage to finish a couple of projects after I unplugged myself from the interwebs wrote that post. A smartipants suggested I make a list of projects I’ll never finish. Depending on how the weekend goes, that may be next week’s list.

When I was perusing for a motivational funny, I found quite a bit that were sports and exercise oriented. Seriously, the only motivation I would ever need to exercise would be a clown in a hockey mask. But I do understand what motivates people to work hard to win at a sport. There are some sports however, that I will never understand.

#5– Cross Country Running

Like I said, clowns with hockey masks.

#4– Sumo Wrestling

Uh…. this needs no commentary.

#3– Curling

I am sure to catch Hades for this, and I get there is a method, but it looks to me like you are ironing the ice.

#2– Jai Alai

I can barely make sense of lacrosse. Adding a wall and lines just serves to up the confusion ante.

#1– Wife Carrying

And I can just imagine what transpires if he drops her, seeing as he carries her on his back, upside down.

Don’t get me wrong. I do watch some of these. It’s like a train wreck in a way. And there are other sports that I would have included, too. But Chess Boxing just sounds too existential, even for this itty bitty blog 😀