In the Eyes of the Beholding Thrift Shop

I was running errands today, enjoying the 1,675% humidity courtesy of the light rain shower this morning. It’s Wednesday, which means local thrift stores have pulled all their hauls from the weekend for sale. Usually I can find something fun like a pretty glass or tea cup. Those items are pretty easy to recognize. But sometimes I am flabbergasted at how some stuff gets identified.

I was perusing a beautiful dry sink (identified as a “table with drawer”) that was way out of my price range when my eyes alighted on the item inside the bottom shelf.

Pretty, no? And I bet most of you can tell it is a chamber pot. To be precise, an antique Staffordshire porcelain chamber pot in almost perfect condition. No chips, no cracks, and the gilt is almost like new with very few exceptions.

I have a thing for orchids* and I loved the design. You can’t really tell, but the design is outlined in brown and filled in with gold. It hardly had any scratches inside. It was immaculate!

I took it to the front desk to check out and the lady running the register remarked on it. Hilarity ensued.

Cashier: Oh, so happy someone is taking this bowl home. It’s so pretty.

Me: Bowl?

Cashier: Yes, the owner called it a fruit and salad bowl.

Me: A salad bowl??

Cashier: Yes….why?

Me: This is a chamber pot.

Cashier: ………….

Me: ………….

*both of us burst out laughing*

So you see, it’s always a question of angles. One person saw the item in a different way, for a different use. And interpretation, like beauty, is always in the eye of the beholder.

I just hope the previous owner never served food in it. To anyone 😀

*I have a thing for most flowers, really, but orchids remind me of home.

Thursday Never List

The other day I had the misfortune of jamming my nail into the back of a chair, causing the nail to bend back and rip from the bed in a very alarming, not to say painful manner.

I cried like a little girl. I admit it.

Once I took care of the bleeding and the whining, I went to look for a bandage to hold my nail down so that it wouldn’t rip any further.

Nothing in my medicine cabinet.

Nothing in the medicine basket in the kitchen.

Nothing in the first aid kit.

Finally I find a box of bandages buried under who knows how many empty bottles and leftover soaps and dried up nail polishes inside the kids’ bath cabinet. So, I am remedying that oversight today. And cleaning out the crap that has collected due to lazy kids.

Stuff One Should Never Be Without in a Medicine Cabinet

#5– Aspirin

Be all and end all of pain relievers, acne sufferers, and let’s not forget those with heart issues.

#4– Isopropyl alcohol

I have to make that distinction. Otherwise, people would stock Everclear™.

#3– Bandages

Blood is sure pretty, unless it’s your own.

#2– Bismuth solution

For every abdomen ailment. And it’s pink! BONUS!!

#1– Topical antibiotic

I must have seventeen tubes of Neosporin™, Lanacane™, and Bacitracin™ all over the house. And I’m of the opinion it’s STILL not enough.

Anyway, I hope y’all have a wonderful Thursday and enjoy the day not needing any of these items. I’m off to clean out the massive collection of crap under the cabinet. Here’s hoping none of it is radioactive by now 🙂

Shredded

That’s how I feel.

Apparently we are in a record-breaking season for pollen. And this year is when my body decided I have allergies to pollen.

Yay….me….

This wouldn’t be so bad if they were Midichlorians.

Anyway, I figured y’all could enjoy an obscure Sithy.

That is so full of win, I can’t contain myself.

Ok, time for more medication. And by “medication”, I mean coffee. Hope y’all enjoy your day 🙂

Not Getting Down on This Friday

I live in the South. We get maybe two weeks of “cold” weather. And by “cold” I mean mid to high 40s.

For those of you who think I am a silly whiner, keep in mind we tend to be Sun’s next door neighbor for about eight months, and do quite enjoy 98* F in the shade. So there.

Anyway, we are in the middle of a winter storm which has brought ice and snow to the northern part of my fair state, and is pushing it THIS WAY. Have I mentioned I hate cold weather? Because I do. But the worst part? Possible school cancellation.

I don’t think I could deal well with that.

I suppose that the worst part about cold weather for me stems from my inability to sleep well when I am not warm enough. Usually I have to have a sheet, blanket, and not one but TWO down throws on my side of the bed. Hubby is a human furnace so he eschews all the down and the comforter as well. You would think that because he is so warm that I would be warm as well. But no. I need the piles of linens. If I am too cold I get nightmares, such as the one I had last night where I was walking through a park, wearing a cape and using a walking stick, and came upon some polar bears who were on vacation from the Arctic and yelled that I was encroaching on their vacation spot so they decided to have some Puerto Rican food because I was so stupid as to try to pet the alpha male. Thankfully I woke up right then.

So for my friends near and far, keep warm and stay safe. And don’t forget to get milk and eggs 😉

Thursday Never List

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who has become concerned about the rapid appearance of little wrinkles around her eye area. She told me she bought some wrinkle cream from a high-end cosmetics brand and after recovering from the price she quoted, she went on to say she would even have cosmetic surgery to “fix” the wrinkles. She asked for my opinion on what she should have done to stem the tide of ageing.

She asked a woman who can’t even be bothered to get rid of her gray, much less bother to put on wrinkle cream on her face.

Anyway, it got me to thinking: what cosmetic surgeries would I consider too much?

So here is the Never List of cosmetic surgeries for moi.

#5– Buttock augmentation

I’m sorry, but if I need a cushion, I’ll just get one from the store.

#4– Ear pinning

Nothing a hat or a good haircut wouldn’t help.

#3– Liposuction

I have seen the “suctioning”. I would rather cut any fat out with a machete than go through that.

#2– Implants for the female upper pectoral area*

It’s not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just that I imagine a 1,000 years from now, some archaeologist will be digging a grave and find these globules and think they are a religious artifact. The sad part being, he would be right.

#1– “Stiletto” surgery

Cutting off the pinkie toe so you can wear stiletto shoes?? Back in the 1400’s it was called torture. Now it’s called fashionable.

I love shoes, but not that much 😉

*Sorry for the wording, but the pr0n spam would find the blog otherwise!

The Sniffle Diaries

Well, it seems as though this South Texas winter wants to screw with our heads, not with weather but with pollen and viruses. For the past two weeks, I’ve had sick kids get better, only to fall sick again when someone at school brings something new to share. Today I have Little One at home, laying on the couch watching cartoon after cartoon after cartoon. At first it was Spongebob, then Ponies, then Looney Tunes, now Zim.

My brain is mushy.

Oh, thank goodness! She just turned it to Phineas and Ferb.

Anyway, having a sick kid usually means catering to their every need. Unfortunately, my Little One refuses to take any medications. BUT, she wants me to cure her ills. So for her I rely on providing liquids, heating pad, and ice pack for her headache. And chocolate. That seems to restore her happy mood.

If only I had thought of that. An apple a day has NOTHING on chocolate pills 😉

I’m Like Laura, Only Different

I have been sick for a couple of days, and in an effort to get better, I decided to do what Laura does and self medicate. Admittedly, I am not a big fan of gin and circus peanuts, though I have been known to OD on the circus peanuts back in my youth. Still, I figured that it just boiled down to alcohol and sugar, right? So I drank some wine and ate some jelly beans in the hopes that I would magically feel close to human again.

Well, I’m still sick. And I am now of the opinion that one should NEVER mix jelly beans with any kind of wine. Of course, last night I didn’t care that I was still sick, so that’s progress, right?

I think next time I will do a mixed drink and chocolate, instead.

Because everything goes well with chocolate 😉

Because Sickness is My Schtick, or Something

Today I have a sick teenager at home.  Though it is in my job description to be the resident Florence Nightingale, I am always struck but how the sick patient in question relies on my old wives tale style of nursing rather than on her father’s medical training. It never fails.

Sicko: Mom, I don’t feel so good.

Me: Hm… you better have your father check you.

Sicko: Why?

Me: Seriously, you have to ask??

Sicko: But you’re the mom.

Me: Ok, let me see…

(takes temp, feels for clamminess, etc.)

Me: I can make you a concoction of milk, onion juice, ginger and cinnamon which may help.

Sicko: I guess I’ll have dad check me out…

Works every time. Ironically, so does the concoction. Unfortunately, it was something my grandmother made for pain, and she has no recipe for it. Which when you think about the ingredients, I’m kind of relieved.

Guess I will stick with ibuprofen, then 😉

Oops, I Did It Again…

Well, I started out to write today with good intentions.

Until I walked into the kids’ bathroom.

Three hours later…..

I must have removed eleven empty bottles, and for the life of me, I can’t understand how it is that they can’t throw away an empty bottle into the trashcan that is only two feet from the tub!!

Two. Feet.

Honestly, if I could adhere the trashcan to the tub, I would.

Hope y’all have a wonderful afternoon. I’m off to ventilate the toxic fumes 😀

Airing Dirty Laundry

I have a confession to make. There is one room in the house I absolutely hate: the laundry room. It is uncomfortable in the extreme, plus it tends to be the catch-all for everything that has no place of its own. Random magazine? Laundry room stack. Empty votives? On top of the washer. Loose change? My pocket. It was a mess. And the sad part is, I really had no place to organize anything.

Then one day, a friend of mine posted on the social-site-with-faces that she managed to fit her behemoth washer and dryer combo against the far wall, freeing up a lot more room for her to actually open the doors of the machines without hitting her legs, and making it possible to fit her laundry sorter against the wall, where she has always wanted it. Well, I have behemoth machines, too, but I had my doubts as to whether they would fit in the same configuration. But I had hope, so I fetched the tape measure and ZOMG!!! I had about a foot leeway!!

My laundry room before:

Yeah….not very pretty. And before y’all cast any stones, that was the worst shape it has been in since I moved to this house. But it is very bad…awful…OMG I hope my mom isn’t seeing this. Anyway, I told Hubby of my plan to transform the laundry room, and he was more than happy to help me. It was the fastest way to Skyrim™, I’m sure!!

And laundry room after:

LOOK AT ALL THAT SPACE!!!!

We bought a restaurant rack and I managed to fit and organize everything with shelf area to spare. Even the kids are excited about doing their laundry. I’m not sure how long that will last, but I’ll milk it as long as I can 😀