Panes in the Neck

I’m a big fan of old windows. BIG fan. I must have ten or so in my garage, all waiting to be transformed like I did the one over my mantel. I took a six-pane wood window and sanded the old paint off, then repainted it and made it look old by distressing it with sandpaper.

The irony of removing the old patina to replace with new old patina is not lost on me.

Anyway, I have plans for most of the windows in the garage. But some are what I call “redundant”. I have plans for one in X style, but have three other X style windows and NO IDEA why I got them save the fact that they are old windows. I’m all about renew, reuse, recycle, save money and use vintage. Now, vintage is “in”, so it is getting a bit pricey at the boutique antique places, but you can still find a lot at flea markets and garage sales for way less. Seriously, I found a silver-plated flute for $10 and a typewriter table for $3 at the local flea market. Boutique antique shops would sell those items at premium prices.

By the way, guess where I’m going this weekend? That’s right. I’m gonna pop some tags, I got $20 in my pocket!

Back to the point of this ramble. I have all these old windows. I also have an unremarkable backyard. It slopes in a weird way and has these weird angles. So I went to my rabbit hole, AKA Pinterest and did a search for reusing old windows. And of course, found an easy solution.

Not exactly what I want, but close. I do want one of the windows on hinges so it opens. And I want to use shelf brackets on the joints of the two windows on the roof for decorative purposes. But it’s an idea. And it would free up a lot of stuff in the garage. Um, a lot of breakable stuff.

It’s an adorable (yes, I used that word) addition to the backyard and would be a pretty focal point, as well as a nice place to display sun-loving flowers. As for the rest of the windows, who knows. I thought maybe make end tables, or mirrors, or maybe a curio cabinet.

But for now, one idea at a time 😉

Paint Can + Fighting Dogs / Fuzzy Slippers = Giant Mess

There are days when a cup of coffee is enough to get me going. Of course, today was not one of those days. Two cups apparently were not enough, either. This is how my day developed….

I completed the coffee ritual and began to take stock of the mess on the kitchen table. I had recently finished making some pincushions and still had the accoutrements scattered around looking like an art exhibit from the MOMA. Anyway, I took some of the stuff out to the garage, and as I was passing the hall bathroom, I noticed the little accent table I had acquired for the nook in the bathroom. It was in need of a quick sanding, so I went back to the garage and gave it a once-over, and brought it back into the kitchen, along with a quart of French Linen chalk paint. I wiped it down and let it dry as I took the rest of the crap to the garage or to the study-slash-catchall room.

(Yes, I have a lot of crap in the study and garage and hopefully it will be out of the house once the vendor spot opens in mid November *sobs quietly*)

Moving on, I get the table set up on the floor and open the can, a full quart of the loveliest dun color ever. I set it on the lowest shelf and begin to paint. Meanwhile, my dogs wander over to see what I am doing, since the scent is different from dog food and leftovers and Sonic tatertots. As they jockey for position to get as close as possible to me without having to deal with the scent, Lenny the big dog steps on Ivy the little dog, which makes Ivy irate and forces her to strike back in the only manner she can: using her itty bitty canines and jump at Lenny’s throat. Well, Lenny does NOT like that and turns to snap back at Ivy, which makes Ivy jump more at Lenny and causes Lenny to swing her body around and hit the table, knocking the paint can to the floor.

“GOOD LORD!!! YOU DOGS!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!! NO!!! GET AWAY!!! GO TO YOUR SPOTS NOW!!! STOP TRYING TO LICK THE PAINT, YOU IDIOTS!!! AND STOP TRYING TO LICK ME WITH THE PAINT!!!”

Yeah….so, I hurriedly shooed them out the backdoor and scooped up as much of the paint as I could. Thankfully is it relatively thick paint so I recovered quite a bit. And being one to not waste not, I simply used the rest of the spilled paint to finish painting the first coat. One thing about chalk paint: clean up is easy. I just wiped the floor clean with a wet rag and scrubbed the grout with a toothbrush. Once I was done, I washed the paint out of my clothes, and then went and showered again, because somehow I had paint in my hair. Aggie’s Axiom #18: no matter what I am painting, or how much I cover my hair, paint will eventually get on it and usually towards the back thus defying explanation.

So yes, that was my morning, and rest assured several lessons were learned here:

• Never rely on one cup of coffee
• Make sure to corral the dogs before starting to paint
• Avoid doggie drama and paint outside

Tomorrow is a new day, and I have a new bag of coffee waiting for me 😉

A Woman and Her Dog

My Shetland Shepherd, Ivy, got sick for a few days and decided she would decorate my hardwood floors with the contents of her innards. She is fine now, but the stench emanating from her posterior required her human to do the unthinkable: give her a bath. This required a bit of preparation, since she is endowed with a very long, very sheddy coat. After about 40 minutes of combing through tangles, leaves, dead grass clippings, and *ahem* dried bowel contents matted to her backside, I began to prepare for the coming dread.

Me: Ok, time for a bath, Ivy!

Ivy: (looks at me puzzled) I’m sorry, what is this that you speak of?

Me: Time to get you clean. In the tub. With soap and water.

Ivy: (comprehension dawns) OMG OMG OMG I’M GOING TO GET WET!!!

Me: (places her in tub of warm water) Don’t be scared, sweetie.

Ivy: WHAT MANNER OF FRESH HELL IS THIS??

Me: Calm down, it’s WATER!!

Ivy: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!

Me: (handles washcloth) It’s ok, don’t panic.

Ivy: Oh, ok… you got the washcloth. You may proceed.

Me: See? Just shampooing you and rinsing you alllll nice and calm.

Ivy: I…wait…. I CANNOT ACCEPT WATER IN MY FACE. MUST SHAKE NOW!!

Me: Oh for cryi— STOP THAT!!!!

Ivy: Ok, that feels bette–no, wait… MUST SHAKE AGAIN!!!

Me: STOP IT! I AM SODDEN, YOU STINKER!!!

Ivy: Ok, that’s fine. You may continue.

Me: You are so damn lucky I don’t dump this water on your head.

Ivy: You are so foolish, human. Do my bidding and finish drying me.

Me: (takes blow drier out) Ok, stay.

Ivy: OMG OMG OMG THE DRIER!! SQUEEEEE!!!

Me: Stop moving, you crazy mutt!

Ivy: (preening) Now this side, now over here, and don’t forget my tail.

Me: My lord, but you smell even worse wet.

Ivy: HURRY UP!!!

Me: Ok, done. Go to the living room.

Ivy: Are you nuts? I have to go outside so I can roll around and get this smell off of me.

Me: Not happening.

Ivy: CRUEL HUMAN!!! OPEN THIS DOOR SO I MAY GO OUT AND COME IN AGAIN.

Me: (grabs comb again)

Ivy: Hm….you know, the carpet looks comfortable. I think I will go lay on it.

Me: And I get to do this with Lenny tomorrow *sobs*

Yes, my life is awesome 🙂

Obsession is 9/10ths of the Paw

This past weekend I was lucky to host my brother and his lovely fiancée, along with Bradie the dog. She is my brother’s dog, but his fiancée is her human. Y’all know how it goes. Just as Lenny is Eldest’s dog, but I am her human. I think that is the most endearing quality of a canine. They claim a person as their own and there is NOTHING you can do to influence them out of it.

The same can be said about some people and fantasy football, but I digress.

Anyway, what made it interesting was the fact that they look so much alike we could barely tell which dog was which, unless they faced us. Lenny has a white patch on her chest, whereas Bradie is solid black. The dogs had a great time going after each other as alphas are wont to do, but their humans were not as pleased. And of course, getting confused as to which dog was which sometimes made them look at us like we were stupid, with head tilted and ear cocked for emphasis. All in all it was awesome, and now I understand what coveting really means.

I want that dog.

I want her with the burning power of a thousand Betelgeuses to seven orders of magnitude, times eleventy. And why do I want her? Because she is just like my Lenny. And you can NOT have too much of a good dog. You just can’t.

So be on notice, my brother. I will get your pretty dog, too 😀

 

Back to Blerghing

Sorry for my absence this past week. It was Little One’s birthday yesterday and I spent most of the week running errands in preparation for the Apocalypse the day. My Little One is no longer little, I’m afraid. She has outgrown me by a couple of inches, and I am mourning still. It’s not easy to realize your baby is 15 years old and interested in dating boys.

I may just cut myself.

Anyway it is officially Fall now, or as we in Texas like to call it, Summer v. 2.0. That means it is time to start getting the yard and the shrubbery ready for Winter, or as we call it, Fall-lite. Usually it isn’t a problem, but this past few weeks we have enjoyed copious amounts of the wet stuff that falls from the clouds. As a result, everything is flowering later than usual.

The gardenias, the crepe myrtle, the cassia…. my yard looks lovely and I don’t want to destroy it just yet. But with all the commitments and out-of-town visits planned, this weekend is my only chance at doing it. I am seriously thinking of letting it go and dealing with it in the Spring, or as we call it, Summer-lite. Time will tell. And by “time” I mean my mom, who will probably tell me to take Joaquina to it now. Of course, my mom sees a leaf fall and she is out there with a rake and a blower. Me? I’m all like, “Oh, look….a branch fell. Circle of Life, baby.” I’m not the most meticulous yard person, especially since my dog is intent on destroying it most of the time. For now, I guess I will trim a bit this weekend. Pretending to be productive is the next best thing 🙂

When It Rains, You Get Lemons

This morning I woke up to a nice rainstorm. It was a welcome relief after a rather dry-as-dust-on-Mars August. Of course, that means that drivers out in these parts will be freaking out and acting accordingly. It’s a good thing it seldom snows here. Seriously, the city has shut down over a light dusting of snow before. A dusting that evaporated 20 minutes later. But to give us some credit, we sure know how to drive on highways.

The only bad thing about getting rain is my dog. Lenny, the Labrador mix, doesn’t like getting wet or walking in puddles. This means that sometimes I have to carry the dead weight of a 55 lbs. dog to the lawn and hold her in place until she “goes”. And let me tell you, it is difficult to hold down a dog that wants NOTHING to do with a wet lawn. And you can forget about carrying an umbrella. It’s either managing the dog, or keeping dry. Can’t have both. That means usually I am soaked. Sometimes that gets on my nerves. Now I just take it in stride, because when life hands you lemons, you can then go have some limoncello, right?

Italian Lemonade

• 2 parts Limoncello
• 1 part Vodka
• 2 parts Sprite®
• 1-2 parts Sweet and Sour mix
• Mint and lemon for garnish

Pour the first three ingredients into an ice-filled highball glass and stir. Add the sweet and sour mix to taste, and garnish with mint leaves and a lemon slice. This is a great drink with which to toast the end of Summer. Or as we in Texas prefer to call it, Summer v. 1.0.

At least it isn’t pumpkin spice, right?? 😀

Sunshine and Puppehs

I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I am now a “band parent” and no longer in control of my destiny. Well, as a mom I’ve never been in control, but at least I was able to pretend most of the time. On top of that, I am still feeling lonely now that Eldest is gone. I shouldn’t whine since quite a few of my friends are in the same boat as I am, or went through the same thing she is going through. But lately I have found it more difficult to feel cheerful about anything. As usual, the social-site-with-faces keeps me entertained, but I can’t be a slave to it, no matter how attractive that can be. Internet meth is what I call it. I have been so mopey that Hubby offered to let me buy a Lolita™ wine glass, and I turned him down!!!

Yes, yes I did.

So, I am trying to cheer myself up. Eldest’s goods arrived yesterday, so she is adjusting as expected. And my friend Erin sent me a huge box of old Reader’s Digest™ condensed books for me, so there will be altering in my immediate future. I really SQUEE’ed when I opened the box. Of course, I have to find a place to store them, but that’s a small matter. I have an attic. And I think there is room under my bed. Maybe.

So for now I am cheering myself up with small things like taking walks and enjoying the sun and thanks to XBradTC, with lots of puppehs.

Yes, I SQUEE’ed again.

Anyway, time to go give my doggies a cuddle and maybe start folding some books. Or paint something. That’s always fun, as long as I don’t get paint or glue in my hair 🙂

When Progress Regresses

Tuesday, I was at the Dept. of Public Safety, Driver’s License office.

Yes, the dreaded DMV.

Normally I never have a long wait. The office is small and out of the mainstream, so it’s usually quiet. The longest I have ever had to wait was maybe 30 minutes. In retrospect, I have never waited long at any DMV office. I hear the agonizing stories from friends near and far, and I wondered why I had such good luck in my experiences with the government entity in charge of your identification.

I wonder no more.

You see, back in the old days, circa 2012, one would go into the office, pick a number, and proceed to wait until their number was called. It was a simple procedure and it was designed to service everyone regardless of reason. If you were there to take a test, you had to take a number, then be called, then they would issue you another number and you would go wait in another area to take your written or driving test. Simple and straightforward.

Yesterday, I went in with Son to get his driver’s permit. I walk in and find a new contraption in the number dispenser’s place.

Well, ok….. Son takes a number and we are instructed to look for our approximate waiting time on the NEW AND IMPROVED BOARD. The new board is divided into four groups: renewals/ replacements, driving test, new DL or ID, and “other”. And we realize that in a room of maybe 16 people, our wait time is almost three hours. At this time my Spock ears started twitching because there was a metric ton of logic missing from that estimate. So I began to converse with those waiting in Hell line. One lady had been there for two hours already, for a renewal. A young man was the ONLY one in line for a driver’s test, which the board said would be in five minutes, for the last hour. Something was off, but in my experience sugar is always better than vinegar. Unless you are making sauerkraut, I guess. I look around and see a sign for appointments, so I asked one of the DMV workers if they took appointments. And thus clarity began to form.

It turns out that office recently began to take appointments. You call and make an appointment for a certain day and time, and walk in when you are ready. But the website is ALSO taking appointments, without the co-ordination of the actual office workers taking phone appointments. So in the quest to make things easier for people who can’t or wish not to wait, the appointments are lumped in the “first come, first serve” basis even if you aren’t there. So someone that has a 9:00 AM appointment will be ahead of the person who came in and took a ticket at 8:05 AM. Before, if you needed to do anything at the DMV, you had to come in and wait your turn like everyone else. Now, not so much. The young man who was told he would only wait for another five minutes? He left after almost a three hour wait.

I’m not against technology or progress, but I am definitely in the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” camp. This is why I still use stationery and am scouring the flea market for a typewriter and a rotary phone 😉

Thursday Never List

There is a time to every purpose under Heaven, right?

Take washing the car, for example. After misty, drizzly days, you are itching to wash the accumulated dirt and seeds and what-not that feels glued to the exterior. And the day after you wash your vehicle, it rains. That evul Murphy and his Laws strikes again. Sometimes plans don’t jive with Fate, and the efforts seem wasted. I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to learn.

And I tend to learn a lot. Over and over again, it seems.

Things Never To Do Out of Order

#5– Never wash your car if there is rain in the forecast

As alluded to before, even if you live in the desert, just learn to be patient and wait for endless sunny days.

#4– Never bathe your dog before taking him to the dog park

Hilarity will ensue after he discovers new scents into which to revel.

#3– Never try new cosmetics the day of an event

Redness and splotchy look great in commercials, but not in real life.

#2– Never take the newly-opened exit ramp

People are creatures of habit, and as such will STILL act like the ramp isn’t there for days afterwards.

#1– Never do your nails right before cleaning anything

Or gardening, or sewing, or laundering, or fill-in-the-blank. This is my Achilles heel and forever will be so until such time as I have either a full-time housekeeper, gardener, and cook, or I give up on having pretty nails.

I’m pretty sure the latter will win out 😀

Conversations With the Sheltie

She’s not technically my dog. But that doesn’t stop her from acting like it.

Every morning it’s the same conversation. I get up, and she jingles over to my door in expectation that her mistress will cater to her needs. I give her some kibble, and after she inhales it she runs over to the door and barks her command.

“YIP YIP, YIP!!!”

(Open the door, NOW!!)

Once she is done, she lets me know, again…

“YIP!!”

(I’m DONE!!)

Then she waits patiently for 7 AM. Why? Because Son’s friend comes over to pick him up.

“YIP!! YIP YIP YIP YIP!!! YIP YIP!!”

(OMG!! YOU’RE HERE!! YOU’RE HERE!! MOM, SHE’S HERE!!)

Then Hubby makes an entrance into the kitchen, and she shuts up. She knows better than to rile him early. But once he walks out to the car, she starts up again.

“YIP YIP YIP!! YIP YIP YIP!!”

(There is a person WALKING OUTSIDE!!!)

Whereupon she runs away from any perceived threat, yipping like she has new vocal chords. It’s a good thing the house quietens down after a while. I would hate to do impromptu surgery on a dog. 😀