Justification in Circles

Sometimes, I’m amazed I don’t throw my back out when I try to justify my logic.

Yesterday I went to the outlet mall in search of a gift for my sister-in-law, and a Mother’s Day gift for my mom. It was a gorgeous day, and I was on my own so I didn’t feel rushed by anyone. Not that Hubby ever rushes me while shopping, but I do want to take his feelings into account. The kids’, not so much. Anyway, I had recalled that there was a Coach™ outlet store, and my mind made a quick calculation:

Handbag + Mother’s Day = Happy lady

Eh, works for most women, yours truly included. Women are all about the accessories. You know why? Because it gives us the excuse to go shopping for the outfit to match. Ask any woman. Accessories are a gateway drug to the closet. So with that in mind, I go over to the store in search of a handbag for my mom. And I am quickly overwhelmed. Seriously, I have no idea what to get my mom. Every woman has different criteria for her handbag. For example, I need inside pockets for my phone, glasses, and change. My mom prefers a large roomy inside to having myriad pockets and compartments. But they have a clearance section and that’s where I head to do my shopping, because THAT is every woman’s criteria.

I find a couple of handbags that may please my mom: a hobo-style with room enough for a kitchen sink, and a smaller tote style handbag that she can use for church and other social events. I call my sister to ask her which one I should get mom. Hilarity ensued.

Me: One is like your hobo but tan, not pink, and the other is smaller like for church.

Sis: Why are you wanting to buy her a purse??

Me: Doesn’t she like purses?

Sis: I already got her a Coach™ purse.

Me: YOU DID??

Sis: Uh, you were with me…

Me: *sighs*…. what am I supposed to do now?

Sis: You can buy yourself one.

Me: Hm…but I can’t decide!

Sis: Good luck with that!

Here’s the thing: I don’t own any fancy purses save for two. Ironically, one is by Coach™, given to me almost twenty years ago by my late brother-in-law, Draco. And guess what?? I have my niece’s wedding to attend. I NEED A NEW BAG!! But I still couldn’t decide. Apparently my dilemma was obvious to the salesguy, because he sauntered over to let me know the clearance section was on sale for an additional 40% off. So I did what any sane woman would do.

AND the wallets were on sale, as well. Don’t they look good against my pots??

You may be asking what I will be doing for my mom instead. I have a back up plan. Well, I usually have a few back up plans just in case. She may not get her gift by Mother’s Day, but better late than never, right?

At least I hope so 😀

How to Have a Spa Experience at Home

Some of y’all know, I am a fan of bubble baths. So I thought I would take the opportunity of sharing my tips for a successful spa day at home.

First, make sure no one is about to run the dishwasher or the washing machine. Cold water is not your friend. Unless it’s 113* F outside, and only if the cold water has fermented hops in it.

Second, choose the aromatherapy. You can opt for bubble bath, bath oil, candles, whatever makes you feel happy. Be advised that bubbles hinder you when reading, oil makes the tub slippery, and candles can be hazardous to long hair. All three together is only going to end in tears and fried hair.

Third, secure the premises. Sure, locking the front and back doors is fine, but I am talking about securing the bath from pets and kidlets. Nothing more distracting than having to fight your sheltie for bathtub acreage while a kid is asking to help bathe the four-legged sister.

Fourth, keep your robe and towel handy. Nothing worse than taking a hot bath while slathered in a facial mask, only to find that your towel is nowhere near, and your eyes are shut from the sweat having melted the mask down your eyebrows, making you trip out of the tub and faceplant on the carpet.

Fifth, and most important, do not take a single glass of wine into the tub. Bring the bottle. You will find that time really does stand still and there is only so much reading of a crappy novel before you want to drown away the bad taste of some idiotic damsel in distress over a broken nail. Bonus: it helps drown out loud pets, loud kidlets, and loud hubby.

I hope these tips help y’all to have a nice relaxing spa experience at home. If all else fails, you still have the wine 😉

Adults Say the Darnedest Things, Too

Most of y’all know I have a Jones for cast iron. Hubby knows to stop in at the Le Creuset™ factory outlet store first whenever he is dragged along accompanies me. We seldom get anything, but I do love to go in and look at all the pretty colors and make a mental list of all the pieces missing from my collection enjoy chatting with the sales people. Sometimes we manage to get a cooking demonstration in and that’s always fun. Especially if we get to sample it. Anyway, last time I was there, the sales gal told me that the company was re-issuing one of my Holy Grails.

The darling pepper-shaped cocotte!!!

I admit, I SQUEEE’d out loud in front of people when she told me. Yes, they looked at me funny. They always do anyway. We got back home in time for me to make dinner, and as we sat around the table, I gingerly brought up the subject of the cocotte. Keep in mind, one has to be very subtle when speaking about such things, especially when there is no occasion pending for the giving of presents.

Me: So (me being subtle)…….. you heard the sales gal say the pepper cocotte is back, right?

Hubby: *deep sigh*

Me: You know I have wanted that pot since the first time they issued it decades ago, right?

Hubby: *heaves sigh again, keeps eating*

Me: It’s like a Holy Grail, right?

Hubby: Honey, this isn’t Pokemon!! YOU CAN’T CATCH THEM ALL!!

Me: ……………….

Son: That’s epic, Dad.

Me: *glares at Son*

Hubby: *grins evilly*

Me: I may not play the games but I did watch the show, and I am going to catch this one.

Hubby: *deep sigh*

It may take a bit of time to save up for it, but hopefully I will have a baker’s rack all set up to display my preciouses by the time I do get it.

And I will get it. Oh yes, I will 😀

Hard to Keep the Glamour Goddess Chained Sometimes

There are times when I amaze myself with my convoluted reasoning.

I will be the first to admit that I loathe to wear makeup. There are days I don’t even comb my hair, much less think of getting rid of the gray white. If I am not leaving the house, what’s the point, right? Kids don’t care and Hubby thinks I look just fine as I am. Something for which I am devoutly thankful.

But then I hear everyone telling him how young he looks, and I kinda get a wee bit….. discomfited. I have no problem growing older, or even looking older. But I do want to at least look the same age as he does. And it certainly doesn’t help when my friends counsel me to “look like an officer’s wife”. At least I already act like one, so I have that going for me. But Vanity reared her beautifully coiffed head, and so in a panic I got new makeup during the Black Friday sales.

We’re talking new eyeshadows, nail colors, lipsticks, mascara, the works. If that doesn’t polish me into a semiprecious, rough cut topaz, I don’t know what will. But no matter what anyone says, I am keeping my gray. God kindly gave me highlights, and you just don’t mess with perfection 😉

Thursday Never List

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who has become concerned about the rapid appearance of little wrinkles around her eye area. She told me she bought some wrinkle cream from a high-end cosmetics brand and after recovering from the price she quoted, she went on to say she would even have cosmetic surgery to “fix” the wrinkles. She asked for my opinion on what she should have done to stem the tide of ageing.

She asked a woman who can’t even be bothered to get rid of her gray, much less bother to put on wrinkle cream on her face.

Anyway, it got me to thinking: what cosmetic surgeries would I consider too much?

So here is the Never List of cosmetic surgeries for moi.

#5– Buttock augmentation

I’m sorry, but if I need a cushion, I’ll just get one from the store.

#4– Ear pinning

Nothing a hat or a good haircut wouldn’t help.

#3– Liposuction

I have seen the “suctioning”. I would rather cut any fat out with a machete than go through that.

#2– Implants for the female upper pectoral area*

It’s not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just that I imagine a 1,000 years from now, some archaeologist will be digging a grave and find these globules and think they are a religious artifact. The sad part being, he would be right.

#1– “Stiletto” surgery

Cutting off the pinkie toe so you can wear stiletto shoes?? Back in the 1400’s it was called torture. Now it’s called fashionable.

I love shoes, but not that much 😉

*Sorry for the wording, but the pr0n spam would find the blog otherwise!

Ulta-matum

Last Thursday evening, my daughters finally had time on their hands to allow their mother to take them to a beauty store, Ulta Beauty™. Little One is now turning 14, and wanted to get some make-up. I figured we would go in, get her the stuff and come out in 30 minutes.

Boy, was I wrong.

We walk in, and immediately feel the familiar disorientation. So I do what any normal mom would do: walk around aimlessly until something familiar comes into view. YAY!! LIPSTICK!!! Not only do they have almost every brand of make-up known to Womankind, they had sections for every type of make-up as well. But I was there for my kid, not me. Fine….FINE!! We go in search of the Bare Escentuals™ line, since she prefers the expensive stuff mineral make-up, and find her a kit that she likes (she is my picky child). And slyly she adds, “Mom, it doesn’t come with lip gloss…” Well, what kind of a mom would I be if I didn’t get her lip gloss? A SMART ONE!!! But she had Eldest on her side on this and I was weakened by my want need of new lip colors, so I relented. And thank goodness that Ulta™ had their lip, eye and nail colors on sale for 50% off, because that meant that I could get some lipsticks by Lipstick Queen™, which I am not ashamed to say I have been coveting for about five years now.

I understand this is not about me, but work with me here.

We saunter over to the haircare section to get some hairclips, and spy the sale bins. This place is not for the weak-minded. They had nail colors and eye quads and since they were reasonably priced I piled some in the bag decided to get some for the girls so they could experiment with them. Rounding the next corner we see the facial washes and treatments and both girls pipe up that they are out of their stuff. It was almost synchronized. But you must have a clean canvas in order to paint a masterpiece, right? Sigh…

By now what started as just four “need” items has grown to far, far more. Besides the kit, there are mascaras, eyeliner, seven bottles of nail polish, lip glosses, lipsticks, facial washes, hairclips, hair treatments, and numerous eye shadow quads. In a haze, I tell the girls that this is enough for now, because Ulta isn’t going away any time soon. So I go up to the cashier, a lovely young lady who asks me if I wish to sign up for their rewards card. My first instinct is to say no, since I seldom do that anywhere. But then I take stock of everything on the counter and tell her yes, please. With an understanding glance, she signs me up, rings up my purchases and gives me a few unexpected discounts, and tells me to enjoy my evening. I carry their behemoth-sized bag out to the car while the girls chatter along happily. Inwardly I am cringing at the bill, but the girls are happy and bonding together, something that seldom happens. And that makes up for it, no pun intended.

And that was my experience at Ulta™. Suffice it to say, Hubby took it in stride, not even batting an eye. It helped that I threw my kid under the bus told him that Little One needed a lot of new stuff. Hey, if I am going down for this, I’m taking them with me. They are enablers of the highest caliber 😉

Irons in the Fire

Holy cow, do I have a lot of crap going on.

Tomorrow we shall enjoy the Independence Day parade, in which Son is taking part. But today, we have to get in gear. Have to clean the rooms, do loads of laundry, get uniforms ready, finish storing stuff in the (nicely organized) garage, trim the Barbados trees, re-do the gravel beds, and clean the cabinets.

Oh, and have a repairman fix the upstairs A/C unit.

Because it’s Texas. In the summer.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Hopefully after all is done, I will have time to finish a few projects I have going on, like the book sculpture, the light fixture (still figuring out how to even out the ornaments), a scrapbook layout for a challenge (almost done) and some DIY cupcake stands for a party (they will be the party favors).

It’s not that I got tired of making stuff. It’s just that I didn’t want to ruin my nails before our trip last weekend. It was moot anyway, seeing as I broke three of them while at the lake. I may not have a lot of vanities, but I want my hands to be somewhat presentable.

Because no one wants to shake hands with dried up gobs of E-6000 😀

File This Under, “Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?”

Yesterday I was taking my shower when it hit me.

I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower and when I wash my hair the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the advertisement, which should clearly be a warning, “for extra body and volume.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight. It’s not the food. IT’S THE SHAMPOO!!!

Well, so much for shampoo. I’m getting rid of that stuff and switching over to Dawn™ dishwashing detergent. Why?

Because the label clearly advertises that it “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

I am a GENIUS! Y’all can thank me with chocolate. There’s Dawn™ for that 😉

Shopping Isn’t What It Used to Be

I went not once, but twice to the outlet mall this past weekend. And the sales had nothing to do with it.

I have a gift card to a barn and pottery place and went to search for my wineglass chandelier. Alas, they didn’t have it, but they did have a lot of their lighting on sale for an additional 25% off the redline, so I got myself…. a cord kit. Lamps were pretty, but I want to make a ceiling light fixture that speaks to me. Then I went to get some *ahem* supportive wear (not that I need much, but I still hadn’t replaced the one the trauma team scissored off), and after that, went to see what manner of handbags Vera Bradley™ had on sale. The answer is none, but at least they had a tote bag for Little One to use at school.

Anyway, as I was returning home, I was trying to talk myself out of the chandelier. I really, REALLY want it, but I also want a pair of cowboy boots. And in the greater scheme of things, boots are needed far more than chandeliers. So, I was mentally tallying up how many wineglasses I would need to purchase, along with the cost of the iron base. And my heart sank as I realized it would be a pretty penny.

Until I realized the gift card had most of the money still “in it”.

And that I had enough cheap wineglasses to fill it.

Math may not be my friend, but the total cost of the iron base would be $40, with tax. WINNING!!!

So what did I do?

Damn skippy 😉

My Bleedin’ Heart

Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day!

I am a lucky gal today. Hubby surprised me. BIG TIME!! Yesterday, I gave myself a manicure, just in case. Why? Because I wanted my hands to look nice in case I got a pretty bauble. But no…. I GOT A KEURIG!!

Behold my new Precious!! The best part? Programmable!! The not-so-best part? Um, I can totally see myself drinking far more than my usual two cups.

Ok, like that’s a bad thing, right??

Anyway, I’m going to go make my third second cup. Y’all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!! *MUAH*