Nitpicking

Well, yesterday was my tri-annual trip to the dentist. I go three times a year because I tend to be more susceptible to plaque than most people.

Too much info, I know.

Anyway, yesterday’s visit was with a new dental hygienist. I will call her Olga. No, I’ll call her Brunhilde. Anyway, I was to be tended to by Brunhilde, who was fresh from dental school. Now, I don’t mind being anyone’s “first” guinea pig. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? Brunhilde was a nice gal. She was very talkative, and by “very” I mean she asked a lot of questions. That’s not very conducive to a successful dental cleaning. But she took everything in stride, and was very funny.

I needed the sense of humor, trust me.

She began by asking me if I would like a deadening gel. I have never needed one before, and told her so. She shrugged and said ok, and began what I like to refer to as “The Reckoning”. I call it that because I reckon she got to scrape under my guns at least 75% of the time. By mistake, not design. By about the tenth time of that, I put up my hand, and when she sat back, I asked her for the deadening gel. And by “asked” I mean begged. I was trying very hard not to cry, but she had a gift for unerringly finding my nerves. She got a swab, and proceeded to spread the gel all along the gumlines. Unfortunately, my tongue was also along the gumlines. I began to feel the familiar swelling that come with Novocaine™. Pretty soon this should no longer bother me, right? WRONG!! My tongue was numb, but the inside of the gums was still having a party. And the worst part? I couldn’t talk well enough to let her know. I laid there, praying she would ask me if I was feeling ok so I could shake my head “no”. Finally she stops and says, “Ok, time to floss and then polish!” I smiled weakly and mumbled that I was sore.

She asks, “Did you just call me a wh*r*??”

I shook my head frantically, trying once again to be understood. Thankfully, she got it, and laughed at what happened. I was still mortified when the dentist came in to do his check-up. When I left, she thanked me for letting her do the cleaning, and asked what she could do differently to make it more comfortable. Of course, I had to tell her!

1. Don’t ask the patient questions during the cleaning. Just keep the conversation as general and monosyllabic as possible, and not too many funny jokes, or the patient will choke!
2. When using the gel, make sure to swab each gumline thoroughly, and reapply gel to swab before continuing. Also, move the tongue out of the way first!
3. Watch for body language. Gripping the chair with white knuckles is a clue.

She was very glad to get my input, and I already made my next appointment with her for next time. After all, I did break her in 🙂

Things You Didn’t Know

I love random facts. Trivia is useless crap that floats in my brain, but it makes me happy. This week, Hubby is organizing a quiz night for several friends, so I thought I would help him out, as well as provide y’all with even more stuff for your memory holes.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. This is probably why dogs are Man’s best friends.

The white part of your nail is called the lunula.

Porcupines can float in water. They also like to eat teeth and bone. Just FYI for CSI.

The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle.

Charlie Brown’s dad was a barber. This explains a lot.

Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards.

Grapes explode when you microwave them. Trust Son on this.

A “twit” is a pregnant goldfish, among other things.

The plastic things around the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.

There are no coins used in Vietnamese currency.

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

Scissors were invented by Leonardo Da Vinci. But the man couldn’t be bothered to finish St. Jerome in the Wilderness…

The island of Guam has no sand, only ground coral.

The infinity sign (as in infinite numbers, not the Nissan luxury vehicle) is called a lemniscate.

Aren’t you glad you read my blog today?? 😉

Ode to a Sunday

Ahhh, Sunday.

How I miss you during the week.

I bask in thy pleasurable silence,

Letting the peacefulness seep into my bones.

But just as the winter days are short,

So is my time alone.

No sooner do I begin to enjoy you,

That the first screech is emitted from the bowels of the house.

And as the dogs bark in accompaniment to the cacophony of “STOP IT!!”

I rejoice once more in having had a bit of this day to enjoy.

*No, it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s all about the message!! Enjoy your Sunday!!

Random Comments

XBradTC over at Bring the Heat, Bring the Stupid had a funny post of random thoughts. I thought I would take his cue and post some of mine, since I seem to be running very late this morning.

I don’t understand the need for multiple ear piercings. Makes me want to hang chains from each one.

Vienna sausages should come packaged in slightly bigger cans. I don’t want to fight with the can for food.

There is a certain satisfaction I get when I organize the Tupperware cabinet. It only lasts five minutes before it gets ruined, though.

One can never have too many knives or cooks in the kitchen. Conversely, one can have too many vultures sampling the delights.

I don’t get why HD and big screen TVs are a must in the house. I live with it, but don’t get it.

I don’t understand why a recipe calls for 1 cup of broth, but the broth comes in 14.5 oz cans.

Tomato paste that comes in a sealable tube is a must for every kitchen.

Toothpaste seems to be coming out in colors, instead of flavors. So is Gatorade™.

Ok, that’s enough from me for one day. Y’all have a good one!

Watching My Tongue

I hate, hate, HATE censoring anything. It goes against everything I believe in. But sometimes, even innocent things can come back and bite you in the hindquarters.

Eldest was having a tough time with her Physics homework last night. Son is a wiz when it comes to that, so he decided to help her. While he was explaining to her things like velocity and acceleration and a tree that apparently a car hit, she sighed and said, “This is why I don’t like Physics.”

Whereupon the Sage of Casa de Aggie says this:

“You don’t have to like it. You have to conquer it! You have to drive a stake through it’s heart and pluck it from it’s chest and eat it while it’s still beating! That’s what you have to do to physics! You have to make it your little–well, you know what I’m saying.”

I have to admit, that was pretty cool of me to say. And I did manage to censor myself before I said something totally inappropriate in front of the kids. Still, I had gained some coolage brownie points with my kids, who usually see me as a fuddy duddy, stuffy old bat.

Yesirree Bob, I was cool!!

Cool enough for my Eldest to put that on her status at Facebook. GAH!!!

I hope no one judges me too harshly. Coolage brownie points still count for something!

Sunday Sithy

Last night’s sleepover totally wiped me out. Those girls were up until past midnight, then got up again to eat chips and sodas. I hope their parents don’t hate me.

So, since I lack any coherence whatsoever, I leave y’all with a Sithy Thing.

A SITH ARMY KNIFE!!!

I want one like burning!!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

A Fine Romance

We are all raised to believe that a romance is when a guy posing as a prince comes to rescue a girl posing as a damsel in distress. She weeps in helplessness, he comes in and finds a way to rescue her from whatever malaise she suffers, and they ride off into the sunset, happily ever after.

What horsepuckey!!

Yes, I said it. HORSEPUCKEY!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I read trashy bodice-ripper novels all the time. They make excellent bathtub reading material, and help to keep me sane by giving me some much needed brain candy. But I know Real Life™ doesn’t work that way. A true romance has pitfalls, and anger, and sadness, and joy, and laughter, and misunderstandings, and things that make you go “Hmm….”. Real romance may have flowers and candy sometimes, but more often than not, it has oil changes and beer. Sometimes it has jewelry, but more than likely it will have an installed dishwasher.

True romance is about knowing each other, and still wanting to be with each other, warts and all 🙂

On Etiquette

No, I don’t even pretend to be Emily Post. I don’t even pretend to be the most well-mannered person. But there are some things that just get under my skin, and tend to make my blood boil out through my pores.

If you call me, call to talk to me, not to another person in the room, with whom you choose to get into an argument while I listen to the taudry details of whether or not you owned a particular brand of skillet. I do NOT care.

If you decide to drive on the left lane, please be aware that you are supposed to go a bit faster than the other people in the other lanes, because it is for passing. Don’t be a left lane vigilante and force the rest of humanity to go three miles under the speed limit out of the goodness of your heart. If I want a ticket, I will damn well earn it.

If the check-out line is for ten items or less, and you have 11 or 12 items, it’s no big deal to me. If you have a cartful of stuff, it becomes an issue. If you insist that you have a right to check out in that line because you are a taxpayer, or because you are in a hurry, it will cause a detonation of your milk jug all over your head.

While I am glad you wear boxers, I am NOT glad to see it. It is referred to as underwear for a reason. Unless you happen to be Heidi Klum or Jason Statham, pull your pants up and use a belt. You look like a convict.

If you are driving a vehicle that is capable of major damage, and even death, don’t use your freakin’ cellphone. Pull the hell over and answer it. And while you’re at it, put the damn thing away if you are eating at my table. I will toss the cellphone in the trash disposer if you insist on using it while eating dinner in my home.

Sigh…ok, I think I will stop for now. Too early for a beer.

But not too early for cookies 😀

A Seinfeld Posting

I think I watched maybe…two episodes of Seinfeld during its run on TV. It never appealed to me. After all, it was really a show about nothing.

And so is this post.

So, here’s hoping your day is full of sunshine and kittens.

Unlike mine, which is full of laundry and nausea 😉

Darth Steampunk

If I had the stuff, I would totally make this.

The only thing missing is a distressed leather cape.

Can you imagine what a Steampunk Darth Maul would look like?? 😀