Thursday Never List

I love my kitchen. It’s nice and big and has an island upon which I sacrifice chickens do all my cooking prep. It’s really my favorite part of this house. And with having a kitchen, one must have kitchen gadgets.

Gadgets make the world go round.

However, some gadgets I can do without. Frankly, they tend to either hinder, or make things worse.

When was the last time you wanted an effigy with breakfast?

#5– Electric Potato Peeler

Why save electricity when you can whirr to your heart’s content?

#4– Egg Separator

Using one’s fingers are free.

#3– Banana Case

The world’s perfect food comes in a biodegradable container. Carrying it in a case is overkill.

#2– Salad Scissors

Some people like them, but I prefer to tear the greens with my bare hands. It’s therapeutic. And cheaper.

#1– Egg Cuber

This little gadget makes it possible for one to take a freshly peeled hard-boiled egg and make it cubed with the twist of a screw. Why you would need a square egg AFTER storage is beyond me. Seems to me one would be smarter to come up with a hen that lays square eggs, so you can store them more efficiently.

And there you have it. I have owned some of these. But not the Egg Cuber. I have standards 😀

Thursday Never List

I love books. I love to read. I still own the first paperback I ever bought with my own money (Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë). Books are a pathway into another life, in a way. They are my escape from my mundane life. And the stuff you learn from a casual reference is limitless.

Seriously, that’s how I learned what an aglet was. Never mind that it was in some poorly written, psychotic science fiction thriller. I still learned something. But there are some books I could never ever read, or even finish reading.

#5– Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

How could anyone not know men and women are different from each other?

#4– The Da Vinci Code

I can’t get past the second chapter before screaming at it.

#3– What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Pregnancy is like the weather. One would be foolish to attempt to predict either one.

#2– The Great Gatsby

I realize that this book is considered a classic and has a very devoted following. But for me, it is rather pretentious and shallow.

#1– Anything and Everything Written by James Joyce

Never trust a man who never used punctuation.

There are plenty of badly written books out there, and plenty of well-written sleepers that never get the attention they deserve. The trick is to figure out which is which 😉

Thursday Never List

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who has become concerned about the rapid appearance of little wrinkles around her eye area. She told me she bought some wrinkle cream from a high-end cosmetics brand and after recovering from the price she quoted, she went on to say she would even have cosmetic surgery to “fix” the wrinkles. She asked for my opinion on what she should have done to stem the tide of ageing.

She asked a woman who can’t even be bothered to get rid of her gray, much less bother to put on wrinkle cream on her face.

Anyway, it got me to thinking: what cosmetic surgeries would I consider too much?

So here is the Never List of cosmetic surgeries for moi.

#5– Buttock augmentation

I’m sorry, but if I need a cushion, I’ll just get one from the store.

#4– Ear pinning

Nothing a hat or a good haircut wouldn’t help.

#3– Liposuction

I have seen the “suctioning”. I would rather cut any fat out with a machete than go through that.

#2– Implants for the female upper pectoral area*

It’s not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just that I imagine a 1,000 years from now, some archaeologist will be digging a grave and find these globules and think they are a religious artifact. The sad part being, he would be right.

#1– “Stiletto” surgery

Cutting off the pinkie toe so you can wear stiletto shoes?? Back in the 1400’s it was called torture. Now it’s called fashionable.

I love shoes, but not that much 😉

*Sorry for the wording, but the pr0n spam would find the blog otherwise!

Thursday Never List

I was cleaning out my book stash in the garage, when I came across a folly I purchased way back in the ’90s. Not an actual folly. If I had a folly it would be in my backyard. No, I’m referring to a purchased mistake because I was silly enough to follow the dictates of the New York Times bestseller list.

And don’t get me started on the made-for-TV waste of celluloid that was spawned by this waste of a good tree. When I saw Joanne Whaley-Kilmer (she was still married to Val at the time) playing Scarlett, I shrieked, “SCARLETT HAS GREEN EYES, YOU CASTING FOOLS!!!” There are just some things that should not be. And thus the Never List of movies that should never be rebooted.

#5– The Longest Day

I remember a few years ago someone had broached the subject of rebooting this masterpiece. It was shot down faster than an Me 262 before take-off.

#4– The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I shouldn’t even have to explain this one.

#3– Gone With the Wind

Only Carol Burnett could do it justice. Besides, if Atlanta were to burn, it would be due to riots.

#2– Casablanca

Y’all just know the film would become some kind of politically correct vehicle against the war. ANY war.

#1– The Wizard of Oz

Disney really came close, even so far as to include elements from the 1939 film into Oz, the Great and Powerful. Making a prequel to the masterpiece saved them a lot of headaches. Of course, now that Disney owns the rights to all that is Star Wars, I weep for the future.

Of note, I wanted to add an Honorable Mention: Star Trek. I can not stress how horrified I was to learn of the reboot. I would write about it, but currently I am not on heart medication 😀

Thursday Never List

Last night I had the strangest dream. No, I didn’t sail a boat to China. I was dreaming of being in a flower field. Not wildflowers with insects and weeds and all of Nature screaming to get lucky. It was just flowers, no stems or leaves or grass at all. Just a field full of flower heads as far as I could….. I don’t know if “see” is the right word here. Detect? Sense? Whatever. It was just a bunch of flowers of every color, size, scent, and texture imaginable. Honestly, it felt like I was in a Monet painting, only not such a big mess, or so pastel-ly.

Anyway, that got me to thinking about flowers I never could get around to appreciating. There are some like the Rafflesia above, that would turn your stomach or are just plain ugly. But I am talking about the normal, everyday commercially available flowers. I suppose my dislikes are based more on mental blocks than anything else, but nevertheless I have them.

#5– Cannas

Sorry, to me they just look like the stem threw up the flower.

#4– Coreopsis Cone Flower

The petals look so wilted, they make me sad.

#3– Sunflower

Every time I see one, I am reminded of that creepy baby in Teletubbies™.

#2– Passion Flower

Honestly, it looks to me like threads unravelling and makes me itch to sew it back together.

#1– Dahlia

As pretty and sunburst-like and colorful, I just can’t get past the old Language of Flowers my grandmother taught me when I was five. It was considered the Death Flower. BIG block there for me.

So there you have my Thursday list. File it away for future reference 😉

UPDATE!!!

Hubby pointed out it isn’t Coreopsis but the Cone Flower that I think is sad. “I am good for something”, he said. I agreed 😀

Thursday Never List

Yesterday I wrote about having a distinct lack of motivation to get stuff finished around here. I did manage to finish a couple of projects after I unplugged myself from the interwebs wrote that post. A smartipants suggested I make a list of projects I’ll never finish. Depending on how the weekend goes, that may be next week’s list.

When I was perusing for a motivational funny, I found quite a bit that were sports and exercise oriented. Seriously, the only motivation I would ever need to exercise would be a clown in a hockey mask. But I do understand what motivates people to work hard to win at a sport. There are some sports however, that I will never understand.

#5– Cross Country Running

Like I said, clowns with hockey masks.

#4– Sumo Wrestling

Uh…. this needs no commentary.

#3– Curling

I am sure to catch Hades for this, and I get there is a method, but it looks to me like you are ironing the ice.

#2– Jai Alai

I can barely make sense of lacrosse. Adding a wall and lines just serves to up the confusion ante.

#1– Wife Carrying

And I can just imagine what transpires if he drops her, seeing as he carries her on his back, upside down.

Don’t get me wrong. I do watch some of these. It’s like a train wreck in a way. And there are other sports that I would have included, too. But Chess Boxing just sounds too existential, even for this itty bitty blog 😀

Thursday Never List

When it comes to fashion, I am a creature of habit. I still own sweatpants I wore in college and shirts I wore in high school. As a teen in the 80’s, parachute pants and sleeveless shirts were big fads that in my frank opinion, should never have come to pass.

And don’t get me started on the prairie blouses.

There are some trends and fads that I will never follow. It’s not that they are bad, per se. It’s just that they seem like they are made to scream attention to the wearer. And so here is my list of fads I will never follow.

#5– Odd Nail Colors

Sure it can be nice to paint your nails blue if you’re a Cowgirls fan. I just can’t do it. I am a firm believer in pinks and reds for your nails. It reminds people of blood on talons, and you just can’t go wrong with that.

#4– Dipped Hair

That is when half the hair length is colored differently than the other. I have no desire to look like a popsicle. Not even in summer.

#3– Exposed Bra Straps

Guys don’t have to worry about this, but frankly, it just looks tacky to show off your bra strap, even on a shirt designed to do so. Unless Playtex™ and Victoria’s Secret™ pay you to advertise for them, don’t do it.

#2– Animal Prints

You are not Catwoman, so don’t dress like a cheetah. Animal prints as an accent? Sure. As a head-to-toe look? Verbotten in my closet.

#1– Boob Belt

No, just no. A belt is for holding your pants up, or to emphasize your waist. Never, EVER, should you wear a belt below your pectoral attributes. It’s one thing to be short-waisted, and quite another to extend the line of your hips all the way up to your chest.

So there you have it: fashions I’ll never employ. Now excuse me, but I have to go dig up my leg warmers from the box in back of the closet. I am in need of kindling 😉

Thursday Never List, Bumped to Friday

So, my day got away from me. But I figure I can still make some crappy list about something. This afternoon I was running errands all over several towns, like a chicken in need of crossing the road. And on the radio some station in New York City was announcing a giveaway for a trip for two to Los Angeles, CA. And my first thought was, during which season? Wildfire? Earthquake? Mudslides? Drought?? I’m sure it is a nice city but for me, it’s just a place to avoid like the plagues.

So, here is my list of five places I’ll never visit.

#5- Phuket

Sure, it’s a great destination for tourists. That’s why I never want to see it. Besides, just the thought of Thai peppers is enough to make me taste bile.

#4- Cancun

I prefer to fry my skin and get wasted in the comfort of my own country, where I only have to worry about being mugged, and not about being a sacrifice.

#3- Fairbanks, Alaska

I am more than sure it is beautiful. I’ve seen it on the Travel Channel. But where I come from, “sn*w” is a four-letter word.

#2- Calcutta

If I want to see a black hole, I’ll go to the NASA® website.

#1- San Francisco

The only thing I like about it is a former prison. That should tell you just how much I abhor it.

If you have complaints about how late it is, take it up with the management. I hear she deletes as necessary is eminently fair 😉

It’s Late Afternoon on Monday, and Topics Are Optional

I lack motivation to write today.

There are no cupcakes in the house.

The laundry is done.

The schools have awards ceremonies tonight and tomorrow night.

I have a gazillion split ends.

My roses are still in shock.

Still, one can find humor in the day.

Here’s hoping Tuesday isn’t a Monday do-over!! 😀

Wednesday Sithy

I am away from here all day today, so y’all will just have to go on without me. It’s hard, but you can do it!

Ok, stop laughing.

Here’s a Sithy for y’all.

Alderaan would hurt like a….

Y’all have a great day 😀