Watching My Tongue

I hate, hate, HATE censoring anything. It goes against everything I believe in. But sometimes, even innocent things can come back and bite you in the hindquarters.

Eldest was having a tough time with her Physics homework last night. Son is a wiz when it comes to that, so he decided to help her. While he was explaining to her things like velocity and acceleration and a tree that apparently a car hit, she sighed and said, “This is why I don’t like Physics.”

Whereupon the Sage of Casa de Aggie says this:

“You don’t have to like it. You have to conquer it! You have to drive a stake through it’s heart and pluck it from it’s chest and eat it while it’s still beating! That’s what you have to do to physics! You have to make it your little–well, you know what I’m saying.”

I have to admit, that was pretty cool of me to say. And I did manage to censor myself before I said something totally inappropriate in front of the kids. Still, I had gained some coolage brownie points with my kids, who usually see me as a fuddy duddy, stuffy old bat.

Yesirree Bob, I was cool!!

Cool enough for my Eldest to put that on her status at Facebook. GAH!!!

I hope no one judges me too harshly. Coolage brownie points still count for something!

Old Habits Die Hard

Goodness, there are so many, aren’t there? No matter how much logic or how many facts you learn to help you break them, you just can’t seem to let go.

For example, yesterday we went to the mall. On the drive there, I glance at my side mirror and see that Little One has her fingers, (not her arm or her hand, mind you), out her window. Naturally, visions of her entire arm getting snagged into a tree and being ripped off come to mind, and I proceed to freak out and scream at her to PUT HER ARM INSIDE THE CAR!!!! Why did I have that vision, you may ask? Well, when I was young, still living in Puerto Rico, my dad would take us for a drive or to visit relatives, and of course, the windows would be down. That meant, of course, that my sisters and I would fight over the window seats, which in turn would mean the one who got the seat could stick her arm out the window and feel like she was flying like Superman (No, I had never heard of Supergirl at that time. Besides, who cares??). Needless to say, my mom would yell at us to put our arms back in the car, and one day, we got the nerve up to actually ask why.

And then, my dad spoke. It’s one thing to have my mom tell us a fantastical story. We would question her endlessly with why. But when our father spoke, it was gospel. No one questioned it. NO ONE!!

So, imagine our surprise when my sister (the gutsy one) asked my mom why we couldn’t have our arms out the windows, and my father proceeded to explain:

“Your arm can get snagged on a tree branch or a bush, and get ripped off, leaving you with only one arm, and nowhere to put your purse when you grow up.”

Not just the words, but the chilling delivery of that pronouncement underlined in triplicate the veracity of that statement. Never again did I put my hand out the window. NEVER AGAIN!!!

I’m sure I have other quirks laying in wait to surface when one of my kids pull some idiotic stunt. Until then,I shall try to cut my caffeine intake and try to relax over things I can’t control…

Yeah, I’m laughing at that, too 😉

Sunday Sithy

Last night’s sleepover totally wiped me out. Those girls were up until past midnight, then got up again to eat chips and sodas. I hope their parents don’t hate me.

So, since I lack any coherence whatsoever, I leave y’all with a Sithy Thing.

A SITH ARMY KNIFE!!!

I want one like burning!!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Flowing Like a River

I woke up in tears today. My baby is growing up way too fast for my liking. Today she celebrates her 12th birthday. That’s in calendar years. If we were going by attitude and experience, she would be 40.

I’m also crying because I had forgotten that Eldest and Son would be going on an ROTC trip. So I shall be handling footie massages and facials and manicures for a bunch of squealing girls on my own. But it’s her day, and Little One is sure pulling her weight around the house, so I can’t complain too much.

Time flows like a river, as do tears of joy 🙂

Diva on Hold

Like every woman, I have an inner diva. She is bedecked in baubles, and frilly frocks, and pretty shoes, all the time. Even in bed. This diva rarely comes out. Maybe once a year for the Holiday Ball, and perhaps on days when I am making a casserole for dinner and baking a cake for dessert. I do wear my pretty aprons and pretty shoes and pretty jewelry then. Ok, I wear pretty jewelry to do laundry. I seldom go out, so I have to wear it when I can. Some of you do it too, I bet.

The dream....

Anyway, I had to put The Diva on hold again. The first time was with Eldest. She needed a long evening gown with a “tail”, for a runway show. We searched high and low, and finally found a divine creation that fit her well. A divine creation by Badgley Mischka. Now, on my List of Things to Do Before I Die™, I have this at #53: own a gown by Badgley Mischka. But who gets one before I do?? Yeah, I let it go after a few months minutes.

I thought the designer stuff was over with, since Eldest is pretty good about keeping to off-the-rack and vintage stuff. But of course, I have three children. And this time, my son was in need. His orchestral attire consists of a black suit. Now, for some people this is easy peasy. But he is so tall and thin, I finally had to resort to going to a men’s store, where the suit and pants could be tailored to fit. We find one that is close enough to his size to need only a few alterations. A suit by Michael Kors.

It’s like the Universe was laughing at me.

But like any good mom, we do what’s best for our children. Designer clothing isn’t the norm for my kids, but sometimes one has to make exceptions. In both cases, I either had earned discounts or the item was on clearance, so that helped tremendously. Still, my wish for a Diva outing has to stay on hold for a while.

And the reality...

Besides, the Reality is soooo much more comfortable 😉

Here I Go Again…

Time again for a birthday party. Yay, me…

This time, it’s for Little One. She is….more picky. At first, she wanted a zombie party, complete with a tombstone shaped cake. Two days later, she changed her mind. She wanted a masquerade party: costumes, masks, the works. Three days after that, she wanted a spa party sleepover. It’s crunch time, so I’m planning for the spa party. A sleepover spa party….

I shall be the manicurist and facial expert, and Eldest is slated to be the hair stylist and masseuse. Cucumbers will be sliced and cooled, ready to go on puffy eyes once I have applied a fruit masque. While that dries, I shall be giving each girl a quick manicure, while Eldest gives footsie massages to tired toes. And once all the gunk is washed off, we shall enjoy birthday cupcakes!!

In the morning, we shall be having pancakes, do some last minute pampering and hair styling, and then the girls will leave with their very own little spa kit. Thank goodness for Bath and Body Works™.

In the afternoon, I shall be breaking in my new wine glass 😉

Superstition Silliness

Here in Texas we love rain. It’s like a long-lost friend: you remember it fondly, and rejoice when you see it. This past weekend we got a healthy visit from our long-lost friend. Let’s just say, my front lawn no longer looks like a fire hazard.

Anyway, a few days before that, we had a freak storm come through. I went to pick up the kids at the high school, when the skies opened, the wind whipping the rain sideways. It was glorious!!!! Unfortunately, not for the kids. Eldest was in ROTC uniform, and son had his instrument and couldn’t shield his face from the onslaught. But they make it to the car, and off we go slowly, not just because of the school zone, but because some people around here freak out when there is water falling from the sky.

We get home, and I instruct the kids to take hot showers ASAP. Son goes off with no complaint, but Eldest decides to just change into her PJs and a robe. Whereupon Momma freaks out:

Me: Eldest, you need to take a shower, now!

Eldest: But Mom, I’m already dry.

Me: Doesn’t matter. Go get in a hot shower.

Eldest: But why??

Me: I don’t want you catching a cold.

Eldest: …….

Me: It’s an old wives’ tale. Just do it!!

Eldest: Mom, you know I’ll be fine.

Me: Go take your shower before you catch your death of cold!!!

Eldest: (sigh)

Yes, I well know that you get a common cold from a virus. I also know the reason we associate catching a cold to being wet is due to winter, and dry air lowering the body’s resistance to the virus. I KNOW THIS, PEOPLE!!!!

But it doesn’t matter. It’s ingrained, and I will enforce it until the day I die. Or until the kids move out.

Whichever comes first 😉

Unlucky Strikes

The best laid plans of mice and moms often fail.

Last night was the Homecoming game for Eldest and Son’s high school. We were getting ready to go, but the kitchen still had to be cleaned up. Eldest is in charge of washing the dishes, and as she was washing a glass, it slipped and broke, while she tried to catch it. The result?

My baby had a deep gash that required stitches, the first time in her young life. Four heart-wrenching stitches to her mom. But she took it all like a trooper, and even told the doctor that she would be able to get her own stitches out, because she has had experience doing it. Hubby has sure taught the kids the basics on first aid.

We missed Homecoming game, but there’s always Homecoming dance tonight!

And no, she won’t be washing dishes for a while!!

UPDATE!

Looks like The Real Dave needs a bandaid 😉

Lessons Learned

I’m not the best housewife, or cook, or parent. As most of us do, I learn as I go, and in 17 and a half years of marriage and parenthood, I have learned a few things:

1. There is a difference between baking powder and baking soda. This can mean the difference between muffins, and paperweights.
2. Never put dishwashing liquid in a dishwasher. Unless you also need to shampoo the carpet in the living room.
3. Bedroom doors are not made of solid wood. Any holes made by errant feet can be covered with a pretty kickplate.
4. The only good thing about Berber carpeting is its ability to keep dogs entertained as it unravels.
5. Spouses should never have similar looking razors. It can mean the difference between “baby smooth”, and “Leatherface”.
6. Buttermilk is not made by adding butter to milk.
7. Checking pockets prior to washing will not only save you from having to wipe down lipgloss in the dryer with cleaner, but can also net you a nice $20 tip.
8. Water resistant does not mean waterproof, especially when it comes to watches, and mp3 players holding hours of music that you paid for.
9. A child using a rake to clean up leaves outside is a Good Thing™. The same child using a rake to clean a room inside is not.
10. Ceiling fans are NOT propellers. Nor are they for swinging toys like superheroes.

I’m sure y’all have your own list. Mine seems to be unending 😉

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Last night we were sitting at the kitchen table, discussing general school stuff and winding the day down, when Little One started a storm.

Little One: Well, she thinks she’s swag.

Son: Hearing that term makes me want to kick a puppy!!

Little One: What??

Momma: Excuse me??

Daddy: (laughing too hard to say anything intelligent here).

Kick a puppy?? Where do kids get this stuff? Certainly not from moi. Oh sure… I use several idioms and terms that would make people cringe, but never would I use “kick a puppy”!! I would sooner hang a perp by his toenails and make him feel the wrath of my machete than kick a puppy.

That’s just inhumane, y’all.