How to Be an Awesome Mom, Part Eleventy

Last night we went out to eat, a treat from my brother-in-law in honor of Son’s birthday. It had been a long week, so Hubby suggested I have a drink. I was way ahead of him, and ordered a martini sampler: Guavatini, Lemondrop, and Chocolatini. Look, I know those aren’t “real” martinis, ok? But a beer wasn’t going to cut it and I wanted sugar to be my alcohol carrier.

Aren’t they adorable?? And smashing. No, really. You can get smashed on one order alone.

Anyway, Son was interested in trying them. Hilarity ensued.

Son: Mom, what’s the dark one?

Me: That’s the chocolatini.

Son: The what?

Me: (enunciating slowly) Chocolate martini.

Son: May I try it?

Me: Sure. (Don’t y’all wish I was your mom??)

Son: (coughing and gagging) Ugh! It’s like chocolate alcohol!!

Me: That’s the POINT!!

Sometimes, this job is way too easy 😉

Old Habits Don’t Die, Ever

You know, sometimes I am amazed at how old habits from my youth still persist on surfacing.

Yesterday I had the TV on in the background while I was cleaning up, and the new version of The Thing came on. Eh, it’s ok, but not really the type of movie I enjoy watching, so it’s a good thing I wasn’t really watching it. I didn’t even give it a thought, but then after it was over, John Carpenter’s The Thing came on.

The stuff of…what the screaming Hades IS that??

I tried. I really, really tried to change the channel. I just….couldn’t. I was frozen (heh!) to the screen as the story unfolded for the upteenth time. In my opinion, that is still one of the most frightening films ever made. Why? Not because of the Creature. Not because of the gore. Not because of the screaming and agony.

No. The reason that movie is so scary is the very last scene. After MacReady (Kurt Russell) blows up the Creature and the whole area, he is sitting outside, and Childs (Keith David) walks up. And as they speak I notice one detail: MacReady’s breath fogs, but Childs’ doesn’t!!!! And the last lines say a lot, too:

Childs: What do we do?

MacReady: Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.

I know now that HE knows, and that just scares the life out of me. Every. Single. Time. I should know better than to watch a John Carpenter movie. They never end well.

Anyway, the evening comes to an end, and we all prepare for bed, and as I lay there waiting for sleep to come, I picture the entire movie in my head once again, and feel anxiety starting to rise, and fear gripping my chest, and so I do what every single normal kid has done to ward off those hellish visions of doom.

I cover my head with my blanket and feel myself relax, the fear subside, and all’s right with my world.

Because every kid knows: a blanket can take on every monster and creature single-handed. It works every time 😉

Not My Color

In my family, there are four girls, and one boy. The boy came much later. Anyway, growing up we were often dressed alike (we had no choice on the matter). Looking back at photographs, we certainly looked pretty cute.

Then we grew up.

Anyway, one thing my mom would do is make or buy the same style of dress, but in different colors. And inevitably, my color was always yellow.

Now, I have nothing against the color yellow. It’s the color of sunshine, and summer, and smiles, and happiness.

It’s also the color of corn, an angry bird, and Spongebob.

Most people can wear it and look awesome and happy as clams. Me, I wear it and look like a squash, no matter how thin I am. I remember wearing a yellow shirt to a doctor’s appointment, and he ended up testing me for jaundice. NOT FUN. And the last time I wore yellow, someone said I looked like a corndog, which here in Texas may be a compliment, but not to me.

And if I look jaundiced wearing yellow, I can only imagine what I would look like wearing orange.

*shudders* 😀

How I Took Home a Chef

Well, as y’all may recall, this past Saturday I went to see Chef Curtis Stone, the original Take Home Chef, cook and be all dreamy. Hubby, our friend Flower Girl and I headed out early to get a good parking spot. I had no hopes of getting good seating, but the stars, they were aligning. As usual, I’m getting ahead of myself.

We get to the outlet mall, and find a close parking space to the enormous tent. There is no line to purchase the book, so Flower Girl and I make our purchases, and proceed to enter the tent. People are milling about, and there is a KitchenAid™ demonstration going on, as well as several local restaurants and wineries showcasing their wares and providing samples. Between bites of Caprese salad in a wonderful vinaigrette and a few swigs of Riesling, we encountered a photo booth. AWESOME!! My friend and I hurry over to have our photos taken, and because we are the first to try out the Photo Toaster® (yes, that’s the name of it), the videographer asks if he can also take our photos for the event. Sure!! I wore makeup in case I would ever get the chance to get close to Curtis Stone. I can dream.

By this time people are starting to be seated, so we go back in the tent and get seats middle right. After what seemed like forever but in reality was about fifteen minutes, Curtis Stone came onstage.

We Need Some Happy

This week has had its share of tragedy. We need some happy around here!! So tomorrow I am going to head out to the mall to see Curtis Stone cook and be all dreamy.

Why yes, I would love for you to follow me all over the grocery store and then cook my dinner, Curtis.

I can dream whatever I want, you know.

The best part? The Le Creuset™ store will be having a special sale in conjunction with his appearance here. And y’all remember the $50, right? The stars, they are aligning!!

Y’all have a great Friday 😉

Laundry Lottery

One of the biggest laundry irks is finding stuff in pockets. I hate that. I really, really do. Seriously, how hard is it to turn out your pockets before placing clothes in the dirty laundry? And while I’m venting, how hard is it to turn clothes right side out???

Ok, I better leave that for another rant.

Anyway, as y’all may remember, I organized my laundry room a few months ago, and one of the things I placed on the washer was a jar. A big jar for found coins. Wouldn’t you know it, but right after I did that the kids started to turn out their pockets. GAH!! But since I do Hubby’s laundry, he tends to forget, and that’s when I score.

This time, I found $50!!!

Which means I get to put it towards a new cooking pot. Or a couple of drinks at Starbucks™.

Yes, I’m putting it towards the cooking pot. I can make my own coffee 😉

Another Dreaded Day

Well, I don’t dread holidays. I only dread those where gift giving is involved. No, not gift giving for others. That’s always awesome (when I get around to shipping gifts, that is. STOP JUDGING ME!!). No, I mean when I am the recipient.

Me: You know, Mother’s Day is only four weeks away.

Hubby: Oh, my God, you ruined my day.

Me: If I wanted to ruin your day, I would have reminded you the Friday before Mother’s Day.

Hubby: Good point.

It’s not like I don’t give obscure hints.

Seriously, I go out of my way to let them know what I like.

I don’t exactly keep things a secret, you know.

I am not a difficult person to buy for, but you would think it’s along the lines of solving the next digit of Pi. But no matter. I know this Mother’s Day will be awesome, because all of us will be together and they always go out of their way to make sure I am well-loved, especially when serving me breakfast in bed.

Of course, if I get that sweet Le Creuset™ pot I won’t mind making them dinner 😉

When Excuses Become Reasons

One of the most awesome things about my German friend is the fact that she loves, LOVES to cook. I mean it. The woman is a marvel in the kitchen. But one drawback is that we have nine people in the house, of which four eat like eight, which means cooking large amounts of food.

And that, my friends, is a reason to buy a bigger pot.

Yes, meine Freunde, I have the opportunity– nay, the obligation, to purchase a new Le Creuset™ dutch oven. Besides, it was my anniversary this past week, so there’s another reason to get it.

How many excuses is that now?

Doesn’t matter. I’m off the get my new pot, because my friend is in need of it like RIGHT NOW!! And who am I to impede her culinary artistry?? 😉

Because I’m a Rebel

I was not in the best mood this morning. Not even looking at my felt made me happy. Not drinking my coffee, not my dogs, not even cuddling in my fleecy soft blanket. But the reality is, I can’t afford to be in a sour mood. Aside the lousy disposition, I certainly do NOT want to encourage more frown lines.

There is only so much Oil of Olay™ can do, you know.

So, every time I feel like taking a whack at someone’s eye and spitting on it a cranky old lady, I try to cheer myself up. Normally this would be achieved by ingesting copious amounts of chocolate and junk food. Unfortunately, it’s still Lent, and I can’t indulge myself in such a manner. I had to think outside the box, people.

That’s right: I went ahead and cut the tags off the mattress, the pillows, and the comforter.

AND IT FELT GOOD!!!!

And after that, I ran with the scissors around the living room. I can neither confirm nor deny that I was doing the Tarzan Yell at the time. Some people may say that whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I say whatever keeps me from killing, saves me from prison.

But I’m feeling much better now 😉

En Guarde

Yesterday was a glorious day. The high was 86* and the sun was shining and the geese were beginning their flights back to the Great White North.

Weather in Texas is only constant in the Summer. In the Winter, it’s a crap shoot.

Early this morning, I awoke to the sounds of the wind rustling the trees and the screens, which meant a cool front was moving through (it’s a cold front for us when the temperature drops to the 60’s, but for my readers northward, I will just stick with “cool”). Anyway, I get up and begin my rounds of coffee-making, kid-waking, and garbage-gathering, when I hear the wind topple something outside. And that meant the dogs had to bark at it.

WOOF YAP WOOF YAP YAP!!

YAP WOOF YAP YAP WOOF!!

That’s what you and I would hear.

This is what it translates to:

HEY MOM!!

SOMETHING FELL OUTSIDE!

YOU SHOULD CHECK IT.

JUST FYI…

I go over to the backdoor and open it, so they can go make sure things are fine (it was a chair that was blown over). And what do they do?

They stand away from the door, and look up at me as if to say, “MOM, OUR JOB IS TO WARN YOU. YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE CARE OF WHATEVER IS OUT THERE.”

They may not be the greatest guard dogs, but they keep us happy 🙂