Thursday Never List

So I skipped a week. It was THANKSGIVING!! I sincerely hope y’all enjoyed your holiday as much as I did. We had friends and family from near and far come to gather, and I wish I could do this at least once a week. As long as the kids do the dishes, anyway.

Anyway, today is Thursday, and it is time for another Never List™. Sometimes my lists don’t make any sense. Ok, most of the time. And this one is no different. But still, fun to do. Today finds me appreciating my accidental collection of vintage stuff. Some items have a history, and others do not. But all of them have a purpose, which makes them indispensable.

Things You Should Never Throw Away

#5– Tupperware

Seriously, it lasts forever, and it’s very low maintenance. I have yet to stop using pieces I acquired back in 1985.

#4– Mason jars

There is no end to their uses. I started buying old ones because the blue matched my kitchen way back when I first got married. Imagine my shock at the prices for vintage mason jars today. And to think, they hold my thread spools and coffee. Not together though.

#3– Costume jewelry

Because everything old becomes new and more expensive all over again.

#2– Vinyl records

I think we have three moving boxes worth of records, from 78s to 45s and everything in between. And I still listen to them.

#1– Photographs

They always tell a story, even those whose voices have been lost. I even keep the ones I find in old frames I buy from the thrift store. I can’t bear to part with them, even if I have no idea who they are.

So here is your list of nevers for this week. With the possible exception of the turntable which is implied, y’all will notice no technological gizmos made my list. Why? Because they are evul 😉

The Ides of November

Well, due to circumstances beyond his control, my friend Tiberius will be my guest for the remainder of his stay in our fair country. And by country, I mean Texas. And good thing, too. We had a great itinerary the last time he was with us.

And we completed it ALL.

That’s right. Even #10 was completed. And the chances of THAT one were infinitesimal. And I do mean itty bitty tiny.

So now we have to find other stuff to do.

• Vineyard tour and wine tasting: Scheduled.
• Glass bottom tour: Scheduled.
• Gun range: Scheduled.
• Riverwalk: Scheduled.
• Moar gun range: Scheduled.
• Birthday shenanigans: Scheduled.
• Cavern adventure tour: Scheduled.
• Anything else that comes up: Scheduled.
• Thanksgiving feast: Scheduled X2.

That’s right: we are having not one, but TWO Thanksgiving feasts. Why? Because we are blessed with so many friends and family and there ain’t no house that can contain such bounty. Anyway, time for me to get going. The tours won’t wait, and neither will we 😀

Thursday Never List

As a rule, I am not one to buy into hype. Much. Sure, I see some gorgeous model trying to get you to buy mascara that will make your lashes visible from the moon, and I am so there. But that’s pretty much as far as I go. Ok, that and kitchen stuff. BUT THAT’S IT!!

For the most part, As Seen on TV stuff tends to go away faster than seem to stick around. Others tend to live in infamy.

Things Never to Buy From TV

#5– My Secret Hair Enhancer Aerosol

Gentlemen, spraying a bald spot will only bring attention to it.

#4– Slim Away Body Wrap

Just FYI, Saran Wrap™ is way cheaper. So I hear.

#3– Perfect Pancake Pan

If you suffer from serious OCD issues, this is the pan for you. If you don’t, any regular pan will work.

#2– Perfect Polly Pet

If you don’t know, that is an animatronic parakeet. That’s really all you need to know.

#1– Pajama Jeans

No, just no.

Now, there are some fun things out in TV Pitchland that I admit I own. First up would be none other than the ShamWOW. That sucker has worked like a charm, and I don’t regret buying it for a minute.

Next up, a Chia Pet™ 😀

Where Did the Week Go??

Oh, right.

Today finds me doing all the mundane stuff I put off while my friend was visiting. Sure, I put it off using the excuse of the visit. Who wouldn’t?? Exactly! Anyway, laundry can no longer be hidden must be done. But I figure I have time for a random drive-by post full of delicious nothingness.

Next to beer braised beef, that is my speciality.

I think my favorite kitchen utensil is my Santoku knife.

There are four different flavors of fudge in the refrigerator right now. There will be three by this evening, I’m sure.

There is nothing so comforting as eating a bowl of hearty soup while a cold front moves in.

Never clean up fallen acorns. It’s deer crack, and you get to enjoy fattening up venison while they clean it up and fertilize your lawn. Total win.

It is unethical to raid your kid’s Halloween candy stash. It is far more acceptable to beg and plead for candy and embarrass them in front of their friends.

Never pass up the opportunity to buy something for yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dress or a saucepan.

And more importantly, never pass up the opportunity to be kind. The rewards are beyond rubies.

Anyway, time for me to get moving. I have spent enough time trolling for makeup and jewelry reading online. Y’all have a great day!! 😀

Never List, Better Late Than Never Edition

Sorry about dropping the ball yesterday. It was Halloween, and on top of that, had to spend the morning running errands across town. Oh, and it was Halloween. That means I was also busy finishing up my costume. Which was epic, by the way.

*begins making plans for next Halloween*

Anyway, our friend roamingfirehydrant sent me an email with a wonderfully awesome suggestion for a Never List. And when I say “wonderfully awesome”, I mean it.

Songs You Never, Ever Want to Hear

#5– Friday, by Rebecca Black

This needs no explanation, as captioned above.

#4– Macarena, by Los del Rio

I have nothing against Spanish music, obviously. I do have something against stupid lyrics in any language.

#3– I’m Too Sexy, by Right Said Fred

Narcissistic AND annoying only works if you’re in politics.

#2– Achy Breaky Heart, by Billy Ray Cyrus

Not only was it a remake of someone else’s song, it brought mullets into fashion. That should be a felony.

#1– Don’t Worry, Be Happy, by Bobby McFerrin

I like the sentiment, don’t get me wrong. But you don’t need to reiterate it over and over again. That defeats the purpose, and makes me feel all stabby again.

Hope y’all enjoy your Friday, without the earworms 😉

Hostess with the Hostess Cupcakes

Sorry for my absence around here. I have been busy hosting our internet friend Tiberius this week. It was rather unexpected but very welcomed, though cramming a bunch of stuff in six days is proving to be a challenge.

This has been the proposed itinerary:

1. Find acceptable costume with which to scare little kids: Check.
2. Stock up the bar with booze to try: Check.
3. Tour the caverns and make fun of idiots on the road: Check.
4. Try Tex-Mex food: Scheduled.
5. Stock up on chocolate candy: Check.
6. Gorge on junkfood: scheduled.
7. THE ALAMO: Damn skippy it’s scheduled.
8. Meet up with internet friends: Scheduled.
9. Gun range: Scheduled.
10. Attend autopsy*: Um, scheduled….

This is just for this week. He plans on coming back and staying for Thanksgiving. Apparently, Australians don’t have a similar celebration. Unless you count Julia Gillard’s ousting. Everyone was thankful for that.

So, things are busy and fun. And tomorrow will be popping what with last minute Halloween stuff. So if y’all will excuse me, I’m off to finish making my wand 😉

*Not mine, so there.

Thursday Never List

I love my kitchen. It’s nice and big and has an island upon which I sacrifice chickens do all my cooking prep. It’s really my favorite part of this house. And with having a kitchen, one must have kitchen gadgets.

Gadgets make the world go round.

However, some gadgets I can do without. Frankly, they tend to either hinder, or make things worse.

When was the last time you wanted an effigy with breakfast?

#5– Electric Potato Peeler

Why save electricity when you can whirr to your heart’s content?

#4– Egg Separator

Using one’s fingers are free.

#3– Banana Case

The world’s perfect food comes in a biodegradable container. Carrying it in a case is overkill.

#2– Salad Scissors

Some people like them, but I prefer to tear the greens with my bare hands. It’s therapeutic. And cheaper.

#1– Egg Cuber

This little gadget makes it possible for one to take a freshly peeled hard-boiled egg and make it cubed with the twist of a screw. Why you would need a square egg AFTER storage is beyond me. Seems to me one would be smarter to come up with a hen that lays square eggs, so you can store them more efficiently.

And there you have it. I have owned some of these. But not the Egg Cuber. I have standards 😀

Thursday Never List

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who has become concerned about the rapid appearance of little wrinkles around her eye area. She told me she bought some wrinkle cream from a high-end cosmetics brand and after recovering from the price she quoted, she went on to say she would even have cosmetic surgery to “fix” the wrinkles. She asked for my opinion on what she should have done to stem the tide of ageing.

She asked a woman who can’t even be bothered to get rid of her gray, much less bother to put on wrinkle cream on her face.

Anyway, it got me to thinking: what cosmetic surgeries would I consider too much?

So here is the Never List of cosmetic surgeries for moi.

#5– Buttock augmentation

I’m sorry, but if I need a cushion, I’ll just get one from the store.

#4– Ear pinning

Nothing a hat or a good haircut wouldn’t help.

#3– Liposuction

I have seen the “suctioning”. I would rather cut any fat out with a machete than go through that.

#2– Implants for the female upper pectoral area*

It’s not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just that I imagine a 1,000 years from now, some archaeologist will be digging a grave and find these globules and think they are a religious artifact. The sad part being, he would be right.

#1– “Stiletto” surgery

Cutting off the pinkie toe so you can wear stiletto shoes?? Back in the 1400’s it was called torture. Now it’s called fashionable.

I love shoes, but not that much 😉

*Sorry for the wording, but the pr0n spam would find the blog otherwise!

Get On My Lawn!!

Some of y’all may know, I love flamingos. Every trip to the zoo begins with me taking a photo by my pink feathered friends. I must have dozens of photos, and all of them show my gradual deterioration maturity. Who knew Photoshop™ was relatively new?

Sad to say, I don’t have any flamingo lawn ornaments. My HOA frowns on kitsch, even though a guy down the street has a veritable concrete menagerie in his front lawn. But I guess concrete deer are more realistic around these parts than a flock of flamingos. Anyway, while perusing the social-site-with-faces, a friend posted the most awesome thing since Big Mouth Billy Bass:

ZOMBIE FLAMINGO

Behold the epicness!!

You can not imagine the SQUEES OF GLEE that emanated from me yesterday. Actually, they sounded more like something from a horror movie, but that’s more fitting anyway. There are several different styles, including this one, but I liked the ones above found here. Why? Because they have TEETH, which makes them even more ridiculous. And we always go for the ridiculous here.

This year I am definitely decorating my yard for Halloween. But I’m thinking these babies will be year-round 😉

Thursday Never List

Yesterday I wrote about having a distinct lack of motivation to get stuff finished around here. I did manage to finish a couple of projects after I unplugged myself from the interwebs wrote that post. A smartipants suggested I make a list of projects I’ll never finish. Depending on how the weekend goes, that may be next week’s list.

When I was perusing for a motivational funny, I found quite a bit that were sports and exercise oriented. Seriously, the only motivation I would ever need to exercise would be a clown in a hockey mask. But I do understand what motivates people to work hard to win at a sport. There are some sports however, that I will never understand.

#5– Cross Country Running

Like I said, clowns with hockey masks.

#4– Sumo Wrestling

Uh…. this needs no commentary.

#3– Curling

I am sure to catch Hades for this, and I get there is a method, but it looks to me like you are ironing the ice.

#2– Jai Alai

I can barely make sense of lacrosse. Adding a wall and lines just serves to up the confusion ante.

#1– Wife Carrying

And I can just imagine what transpires if he drops her, seeing as he carries her on his back, upside down.

Don’t get me wrong. I do watch some of these. It’s like a train wreck in a way. And there are other sports that I would have included, too. But Chess Boxing just sounds too existential, even for this itty bitty blog 😀