To a First Impression

Gawd, I’m a Pollyanna. I am! I’m a trusting soul and pathetically naive. But a letter I must write.

Dear First Impression,

You are like a Monet painting. From afar, you make sense. You are beautiful, and serene, and full of joy and color.

What you don't see is the pack of wolves about to pounce....

Up close, you are a blotchy, unrepentant mess, screaming for attention. As naive and well-intentioned as I am, I just can’t afford to take you at your word. I must examine you closely, looking for cracks in the veneer (Yes, I almost typed Vermeer). I never much cared for Impressionism, really. I’m more of the Modernist school. I like to know that what I’m getting is what I am seeing.

Sincerely,

Me

Letter to a Brainworm

Has anyone ever had a person, place, or thing occupy a tiny area of your mind for years, laying dormant most of the time, until you are caught unaware while making a Tres Leches cake and suddenly–POOF!!!–it comes to the fore of your thought processes and interrupts your cake-making bliss to the point of making you question why in heaven’s name you need egg yolks, and how many have you added to the batter???

Yes?? ME TOO!! There have been songs, and poems, and even certain speeches that have done this, but eventually they go away. This one guy, though…. He sticks around like disco. This is my letter to him:

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Dear Signor Da Vinci,

“Larger than life” is an appropriate descriptor for you. Painting, sculpting, inventing were not enough. You were an engineer, an architect, excelling in mathematics and taught yourself Latin so as to be noticed by the Mathematical community. You were ahead of your time in anatomical studies, your inventions considered marvels, and your feats of engineering defy description to this day. So I have one question for you: WHY WERE YOU SO DAMN LAZY THAT YOU NEVER FINISHED ST. JEROME IN THE WILDERNESS??? That painting drives me nuts to this day!!! Oh sure…. La Gioconda is revered for it’s enigmatic smile, and The Last Supper is considered to be the foremost example of facial characterization. But why, oh why did you never finish St. Jerome?? It was the inventions, wasn’t it? The helicopter, the steam cannon, the glider, the bridge, the musical instruments??

There is one consolation in my fevered mind, though. At least I rest easy knowing you were greater than that Michealangelo dude 😉

Sincerely,

A fan

To Someone Far Away

This letter is to someone who is in a different state or country. Yes, Hubby qualifies!! No, I’m not writing about him again. I thought of going in a more mundane direction in an attempt to keep my five readers entertained.

To Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II,

I love your hats. I love the fact that you got a ticket for speeding while driving your Jag. I love how you aren’t afraid of eating from a plate on your lap. I love how you like gin, and aren’t afraid to drink it in front of people. I love how you stoically hold the country together, and how endearing you look when Prince Phillip makes a blunt statement.

Hat, purse, Corgis, and Canada!!

You have been oil on troubled waters, and I pray that you live for many, many years, mostly because I fear for England with your idiot son on the throne. But most of all, I love the fact that you are a sucker for dogs. Just how many corgis do you have??

Sincerely,

A Subject That Never Was 🙂

Letter to Somone I Wish I Could Meet

Hm…. this letter will prove to be very difficult. Most of the people I wish to meet are no longer here on this Earth, and with the few that are it’s more of a “wonder what they are like in person” than a true wish to meet them. One hears of a famous person being a nice guy and all, but when you get to meet him, it turns out he has a preference for eating with his toes, or something just as odd. And how do you deal with that?? But if I must write a letter, I guess I will pick someone.

Dear Mr. Twinkie Maker,

I’ve often wondered about your job. You are part of the American Quilt. You bring joy to millions and millions of kids and adults alike. Who doesn’t see a Twinkie and think it’s a sunny smile of sugary goodness?? And the cream filling!! Just HOW do you do it?? Oh, I remember watching Unwrapped and seeing it, but I’m sure there is more magic involved. I wonder how you feel, knowing you put a smile on my face when I see that box of Twinkies in the snack aisle. And truly, how do you keep from gorging while at work? I assume you don’t, since you still work there.

A smile of golden sunshine

I wish I could meet you, so you could solve these and other questions, but alas, I shall be content to just admire you from afar, and give thanks to you whenever I eat that delicious confection, especially after putting the bathroom scale away.

Sincerely,

A happy fan

100th Comment!!

And the honor goes to….

ARMEDGEEK!!!

That’s certainly a good looking stranger. I wouldn’t mind getting inside that stranger’s .. uh, label.

He’s talking about liquor. Thank goodness 😉