I Don’t Need an Adventure, Since I Shop at Wal-Mart™

Last night after dinner, the girls asked if we could stop at Wal-Mart™ for cotton swabs. I figured it would be a quick trip since we were on that side of the highway already. The first thing I did was check my clothes. I don’t want anyone taking my pic for the “People of Walmart” site. Then I checked my teeth for the same reason.

We went in and suddenly, Eldest had to check Electronics for a CD and Little One had to get cookies for her after school practice. One heads north, the other west, and I head east to the far side of the store to get what we came to get, cotton swabs.

Only I took a slight detour and ended in the floral section, where they had burlap ribbon. In my defense, it was still on the way to the baby section. Oh, and the moss was on clearance, so I got that, too. As I was leaving the aisle, a man turns to me to ask my opinion on candle scents. He was trying to choose between a floral and a spice. I asked him where he was going to burn it, and he said (no joke) his car. I told him to go with the spice. I figured it would make the smouldering heap that will soon be his car smell better.

I spent the next five minutes wandering back to the Electronics, to find that both girls are looking at videogames. “I thought you were looking for a CD?” I inquired. Eldest replied that they didn’t have it, so they were looking for other stuff.

At that point I did exclaim, “GAH!!!”

We make our way to the baby section, and get cotton swabs, when suddenly they both exclaim, “WE NEED SHAMPOO!!!” Fine…shampoo is one aisle over. Then they proceed to look over every single brand to determine which would make their hair look like a Pantene™ commercial. We all know the answer is “none”, but still they want to pick something new. And it can’t be the same brand, either. As I wait, I overhear a lady further down the aisle telling her daughter to hurry up and pick something.

I’m glad to see it wasn’t just me.

Finally, they pick out their miracle formulas, and we head out to pay. And suddenly, AGAIN, they remember razors. Back we go, get razors, and go all the way down to the self-checkout lane, where out of fifteen lanes, only three are in operating order. Sigh…. Finally we get to a lane, and proceed to check out, taking far longer due to the fact that the bags were not co-operating and the guy manning the stations kept having to unlock me out because the scanner was insisting I had an unauthorized item in my bag, which was impossible since the bags were not co-operating.

So, what was supposed to take maybe 15 minutes turned into a 45 minute ordeal and cost $60. All because we needed cotton swabs. And guess what? I get to do it all over again, because I forgot to get Hubby’s razor blades.

It’s not a job. It’s an adventure 😉

File This Under, “Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?”

Yesterday I was taking my shower when it hit me.

I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower and when I wash my hair the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the advertisement, which should clearly be a warning, “for extra body and volume.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight. It’s not the food. IT’S THE SHAMPOO!!!

Well, so much for shampoo. I’m getting rid of that stuff and switching over to Dawn™ dishwashing detergent. Why?

Because the label clearly advertises that it “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

I am a GENIUS! Y’all can thank me with chocolate. There’s Dawn™ for that 😉

Sleeeeeeeeeeep……….

I don’t get it.

Last night I was in bed by 10 PM. I didn’t read at all, just laid my head on my rather ancient pillow, and the next thing I know my alarm is going off and I really, really didn’t want to move. And when I say that, I mean I didn’t even want to turn off the alarm, because that would have meant actually MOVING my arm.

Anyone else felt like that? What did you do to counter the grogginess?

And were law enforcement involved?? 😀

Flighty

This morning found me in a grey world. Overcast and cooler outside, and slight drizzles, the kind that are light enough to stand in, but hell to drive in. And as usual, the people who freak out over condensed moisture were out and about making a nuisance for everyone. One lady had her hazards on and was driving ten miles under the speed limit. How do I know it was the drizzle and not car trouble that made her slow and cautious? Because she was hunched over the steering wheel, peering through the windshield like it was covered in mud.

We have a few of them around here. Rain is that unusual.

Anyway, as I was waiting at the stop light, I looked up, and saw the migratory grackles, all in rows.

I had to laugh, thinking of a much younger Eldest the first time she noticed them here in winter:

Eldest: Daddy, why are there still so many birds around? Don’t they fly south for the winter?

Hubby: Honey, they did. THIS is the south they fly to!

Eldest: Why not go to Mexico? It’s way warmer.

Me: Because there they are part of the food chain, honey.

Eldest: 😯

No, it’s true. I’ve partaken of pigeon and grackle stew before on my many visits there. Good stuff, too! No sense in being delicate about the Circle of Life™, you know. But really, I just wanted to freak her out.

I’m a mom. It’s my job 😉

Stormheart

Today’s Sithy is brought to y’all courtesy of XBradTC!!

He knows my weaknesses.

Look closely, and you’ll understand why I call him that. If that’s not epic, I don’t know what is.

Have a great Wednesday!! 😉

Never Listen to Werewolves While Eating Cake

I will never learn. Probably because that would mean giving up cake and that’s just never going to happen.

Last night after dinner, Hubby and I had some of his birthday cake: white chocolate with raspberry filling. To. Die. For. Apparently, I didn’t have nearly enough to satisfy my sweet tooth, because after he went to bed, I had another slice, while listening to Warren Zevon. And the dream which resulted from that smash-up was epic!

I was in Pittsburgh, no idea why, but for some reason I was at a Trader Vic’s discussing the merits of Rolling Rock™, and how Yuengling™ wasn’t as good as Shiner™. And I was sitting at the table with none other than my friend Soylent Green, (NSFW!!!!) who was dressed as a dentist for some odd reason, and he was yelling at me about how uncouth I was for liking my Southern libation, instead of the Northern ones, to which I told him that he needed to get his Novocaine™ out of his…. derriére and expand his horizons, and as the yelling match grew out of proportions Trader Vic came over to let us know that the werewolves were getting annoyed and Soylent takes his glass and yells at them to order Domino’s Pizza™. Then the werewolves came over and Trader Vic said that the leader would just tear our lungs out, and I said fine, but they had to settle the argument about Shiner versus Yuengling before they even took a bite.

And then I woke up.

*shakes fist at REM sleep*

Just once I wish I could finish a dream that awesome 😀

In Which I Explain Why I Hate the Number Eleven

I’ve never had a good complexion. When I was in my teens I had bad acne. Later on it lessened, but I still enjoy the occasional break-outs. Ok, so more occasional than most, but whatever. I figured if I still have acne I won’t get many wrinkles, right?

WRONG!!!

It was inevitable. I was bound to have it. Apparently it’s genetic and its learned. To what do I refer? Why, to the cursed lines between my eyes that make an “11”. They appear magically, usually when the kids are involved. I try to keep the lines at bay, but I’m afraid the time has come to get some help.

Me: I may need to get some kind of wrinkle cream before too long.

Friend: What for?

Me: THIS!!! *points to “11”*

Friend: Have you considered Botox™?

Me: The only way I will ingest any toxin is if I am forced to attend a One Direction concert.

Friend: Uh, wow…

Me: There’s a limit.

So, since I don’t relish the thought of having a case of botulism, I decided to check out wrinkle creams. WHOLLY SHEETS!!! Some of that stuff is wildly expensive. Lancôme™ sells one for $300. Y’all have any idea how many pairs of PJs you can buy with $300?? I DO!! But vanity being what it is, I take the time to search for viable alternatives to selling my arm and leg expensive stuff. Look, I don’t mind my hair turning grey, I don’t mind the weight shifting, but I DO mind looking angry all the time for no reason.

Yeah, Oil of Olay™. I don’t aspire to have an awesome complexion, but by Jove I will look happy, even if it kills me.

Have a great day, and smile 😉

Funny Findings

So, I am still plodding along, cleaning out the storage closet upstairs. I did say this would be a week long project. If I didn’t say it, I was A) too busy crying or 2) I was trying to figure out why I had bought a bag of rocks when I have a yard full of them.

Anyway, as I kept digging out crap and boxes and bags of forgotten loot I found treasure!!

How cool is that?? I had no idea that was in there. Probably a good thing, too, considering how my kids think outside the box. No telling where they would have “grown” them. Like in the toilet tank.

I also found a huge latte mug with the words “Chocolate Lover” on it (have no idea why I own such a thing…), a battery-operated piggy bank (Son had two and kept one in the box), and a weird glass vase that belongs to Eldest. Oh, and I also found three Coach™ handbags. Hand-me-downs from my sister. I love it when she cleans out her closet. I wish she would do it more often.

So far that is from two shelves thus cleared out. I have…. *mentally straining to count*…. six more shelves to go. And the floor. Can’t forget the floor.

Something tells me a match would have been a better choice 😉

Tuesday Sithy

I’m still plodding along upstairs, trying to get all of my supplies and books organized. The upstairs looks like it exploded.

Twice.

Then threw up.

In my opinion, best zombie EVER!!!

Ok, back to the grind. Have a great day, and hope y’all stay warm!! 😀

A Place to Stick It

I use pins a lot. I use them not just for sewing, but also in my altered art. Pins are useful, needful things, aren’t they? You see them everywhere in your house, until you absolutely need one.

Then you can’t find one to save your hem.

Anyway, I decided to make a few pincushions from old tea cups for the Craft Pay-It-Forward. There are several tutorials on the internet and all are very easy to make, and have few variations. So, without further ado, here’s my simple tutorial on making teacup pincushions.

You’ll need:

• old teacups
• scrap fabric
• poly fill
• needle and thread
• scissors
• hot glue gun and glue sticks
• round template, like a salad plate

First, cut out a circle of scrap fabric using your choice of template. My teacups are about two and three inches in diameter, so I chose an eight inch salad plate for the larger cup, and a six inch dessert plate for the smaller cup.