It’s HOW LONG Until Christmas???

You know, I was done with shopping.

And then the kids made their lists.

And now I am at a loss.

GAH!!!!!!!

I am lucky to have kids that are pretty low maintenance, though. One year, Son only wanted some tin of slime from ThinkGeek. Little One wanted a few manga books. Eldest is content with a sundial.

They may be odd, but still low maintenance.

As for me, I am happy to say I don’t need or want anything. I have enough pots, and now makeup, and Lord knows I got a ton of nail polish, so I’m pretty happy if I don’t get anything.

Not a darn thing.

Sigh….time to go look for a sextant or whatever is on the list this year.

Thursday Never List

The past few nights I have had very little rest, so if this post makes no sense, I have an excuse this time.

It’s that time of the year again, when grown men quake in fear of potential death. No, not influenza. I’m talking about shopping for a Christmas gift for their significant others. Personally, I don’t envy y’all. I have met the enemy and she is us. I know we can be difficult to shop for, but there are some guidelines that can help y’all avoid pitfalls.

With the current weather, y’all do NOT want to be in the doghouse.

Thank goodness my name isn’t Joy.

Gifts to Avoid

#5– Electric knife

Seriously, you want to give her something to make dismembering you THAT much easier??

#4– Holiday themed clothing

It’s a nice sentiment, but she unwraps it the last day she can wear it and then has to put it away for eleven months until she can wear it again? That’s just torture. As a bonus, see the potential risk displayed in the photo above.

#3– Pets

As adorable as it would be, most people wish to pick out their own, just as pets like to pick out their humans.

#2– Housekeeping appliances

It’s ok to bring home a Roomba™ any time of the year while telling her that you think she needs time for herself. It is NOT ok to have it under the tree without explanation.

#1– Gym membership

If you do get this for her, at least be considerate and get a cemetery plot for yourself as well.

Remember, these are guidelines. Your significant other’s mileage may vary.

Mine does not 😉

Hard to Keep the Glamour Goddess Chained Sometimes

There are times when I amaze myself with my convoluted reasoning.

I will be the first to admit that I loathe to wear makeup. There are days I don’t even comb my hair, much less think of getting rid of the gray white. If I am not leaving the house, what’s the point, right? Kids don’t care and Hubby thinks I look just fine as I am. Something for which I am devoutly thankful.

But then I hear everyone telling him how young he looks, and I kinda get a wee bit….. discomfited. I have no problem growing older, or even looking older. But I do want to at least look the same age as he does. And it certainly doesn’t help when my friends counsel me to “look like an officer’s wife”. At least I already act like one, so I have that going for me. But Vanity reared her beautifully coiffed head, and so in a panic I got new makeup during the Black Friday sales.

We’re talking new eyeshadows, nail colors, lipsticks, mascara, the works. If that doesn’t polish me into a semiprecious, rough cut topaz, I don’t know what will. But no matter what anyone says, I am keeping my gray. God kindly gave me highlights, and you just don’t mess with perfection 😉

Words and Wisdom and Wit

A few days ago, Hubby and I were talking to Eldest about facing her fears. One of the questions that always helps me facing adversity is “What would Jesus do?” In the same vein, we suggested that she try to emulate strong role models of fine character such as Winston Churchill.

One really can never go wrong with Churchill. Not even while being diplomatic.

Anyway, things came to a halt when Hubby suggested Teddy Roosevelt. Why? Because I nixed it. Puzzled they were when I said to emulate Alice Roosevelt instead.

Hubby: Who?

Me: Alice, Teddy’s daughter.

Eldest: Uh, why?

Me: Teddy Roosevelt once said, “I can run the country, or I can control Alice. I can not do both.”

Eldest: Wow….

Me: And really, how could you not admire someone who said, “If you have nothing nice to say, come sit by me”??

Hubby: *snort*

I think I made my point 😀

Not Getting Down on This Friday

I live in the South. We get maybe two weeks of “cold” weather. And by “cold” I mean mid to high 40s.

For those of you who think I am a silly whiner, keep in mind we tend to be Sun’s next door neighbor for about eight months, and do quite enjoy 98* F in the shade. So there.

Anyway, we are in the middle of a winter storm which has brought ice and snow to the northern part of my fair state, and is pushing it THIS WAY. Have I mentioned I hate cold weather? Because I do. But the worst part? Possible school cancellation.

I don’t think I could deal well with that.

I suppose that the worst part about cold weather for me stems from my inability to sleep well when I am not warm enough. Usually I have to have a sheet, blanket, and not one but TWO down throws on my side of the bed. Hubby is a human furnace so he eschews all the down and the comforter as well. You would think that because he is so warm that I would be warm as well. But no. I need the piles of linens. If I am too cold I get nightmares, such as the one I had last night where I was walking through a park, wearing a cape and using a walking stick, and came upon some polar bears who were on vacation from the Arctic and yelled that I was encroaching on their vacation spot so they decided to have some Puerto Rican food because I was so stupid as to try to pet the alpha male. Thankfully I woke up right then.

So for my friends near and far, keep warm and stay safe. And don’t forget to get milk and eggs 😉

Thursday Never List

So I skipped a week. It was THANKSGIVING!! I sincerely hope y’all enjoyed your holiday as much as I did. We had friends and family from near and far come to gather, and I wish I could do this at least once a week. As long as the kids do the dishes, anyway.

Anyway, today is Thursday, and it is time for another Never List™. Sometimes my lists don’t make any sense. Ok, most of the time. And this one is no different. But still, fun to do. Today finds me appreciating my accidental collection of vintage stuff. Some items have a history, and others do not. But all of them have a purpose, which makes them indispensable.

Things You Should Never Throw Away

#5– Tupperware

Seriously, it lasts forever, and it’s very low maintenance. I have yet to stop using pieces I acquired back in 1985.

#4– Mason jars

There is no end to their uses. I started buying old ones because the blue matched my kitchen way back when I first got married. Imagine my shock at the prices for vintage mason jars today. And to think, they hold my thread spools and coffee. Not together though.

#3– Costume jewelry

Because everything old becomes new and more expensive all over again.

#2– Vinyl records

I think we have three moving boxes worth of records, from 78s to 45s and everything in between. And I still listen to them.

#1– Photographs

They always tell a story, even those whose voices have been lost. I even keep the ones I find in old frames I buy from the thrift store. I can’t bear to part with them, even if I have no idea who they are.

So here is your list of nevers for this week. With the possible exception of the turntable which is implied, y’all will notice no technological gizmos made my list. Why? Because they are evul 😉

Still Alive, Really

Sorry for the lack of posting, but it was a long holiday week and I am still doing the tour-guide-hostess thing. It has been a lot of fun, and I even got to see some stuff I still hadn’t seen here.

That was a surprise to me as well, considering how many friends have come to tour my fair area of my fair state.

By the way, the WordPress snow is back. You aren’t hallucinating.

(I need to add I started writing this Tuesday morning and was so busy I am now just getting back to it. Yes, I realize it’s Wednesday morning. I also realize this blog is nothing but fluff so it’s not like y’all are missing out in vital, need-to-know information about anything.)

Today finds me a bit off course. Usually at this point in the month I have Christmas stuff out and am slowly decorating, but alas, a certain visitor thinks it is too early to decorate. I ask, what does he know?? It’s summer in his country right now.

(It’s now Wednesday evening and I am STILL not sure what to write about.)

I’m giving up for today this evening. Hope y’all are cuddling up if it’s cold outside 🙂

I’m Turning Into My Grandma

I have passed the turning-into-my-mom stage and gone straight to plaid, apparently.

Let me tell you, she loved, LOVED those cookies. But we seldom got to eat any because she got to them first. And then came the disappointment as we sneaked into the kitchen and found the tin under the cabinet, and opened it to find needles and thread. Or tape and pencils. Or ANYTHING BUT COOKIES.

And now guess what?

I can’t wait to finish the cookies so I can use the tin to hold my crap.

*sobs uncontrollably*

At least I get cookies out of this 🙂

Conversations With the Sheltie

She’s not technically my dog. But that doesn’t stop her from acting like it.

Every morning it’s the same conversation. I get up, and she jingles over to my door in expectation that her mistress will cater to her needs. I give her some kibble, and after she inhales it she runs over to the door and barks her command.

“YIP YIP, YIP!!!”

(Open the door, NOW!!)

Once she is done, she lets me know, again…

“YIP!!”

(I’m DONE!!)

Then she waits patiently for 7 AM. Why? Because Son’s friend comes over to pick him up.

“YIP!! YIP YIP YIP YIP!!! YIP YIP!!”

(OMG!! YOU’RE HERE!! YOU’RE HERE!! MOM, SHE’S HERE!!)

Then Hubby makes an entrance into the kitchen, and she shuts up. She knows better than to rile him early. But once he walks out to the car, she starts up again.

“YIP YIP YIP!! YIP YIP YIP!!”

(There is a person WALKING OUTSIDE!!!)

Whereupon she runs away from any perceived threat, yipping like she has new vocal chords. It’s a good thing the house quietens down after a while. I would hate to do impromptu surgery on a dog. 😀

Thursday Never List

I am a fan of sugar. I love it. Candy is dandy, y’all. I am the type that takes her time savoring sugar, be it a candy bar or hard candy. No matter, it is sugar and it should be properly consumed. But every wonderful thing has a flip side, and sometimes you have to draw the line, even where your sweet tooth is concerned. You can imagine the angst I feel during Halloween.

It’s hellish, y’all.

No Sense Candy

#5– Baby Bottle Pop

Sucking on a candy pacifier may indicate severe mental trauma. Same goes for the stupid ring pops.

#4– Push Pops

Uh, if I have to work at getting the candy, it’s not worth the trouble.

#3– Eyeballs

I had to eat sheep eyes once, and this just sends me into paroxysms of rage.

#2– Spiced Candy

Wasabi, jalapeno, serrano, jolokia, I don’t care. NO SPICY PEPPERS belong in candy. EVER.

#1– Insect Lollipops

Whoever thought coating a dead scorpion in hard candy was a good idea should be rotting in Hades.

Now, time to eat some chocolate to wash out the bad taste from this post 😉