As I live and breathe, I will never understand the evul that women do.
Sitting at the airport, I had the opportunity to be roped into a rather unconventional conversation. I was sitting there, minding my own business, when two lawyers begin to talk about upcoming nuptials. At first I thought they were talking about marrying each other, but no, one has a niece getting married and has been trying to talk sense into her to reign in expenses. From what I understood, the young woman wanted to have swans waddling around the reception area and a cake designed by Duff Goldman.
I’m pretty sure she watched Father of the Bride, and paid no attention to Steve Martin.
I smiled to myself, thinking of the havoc the swans would unleash on poor, unsuspecting guests, when the lady lawyer turned to me and asked out of the blue what I thought about spending several hundred dollars on a bridesmaid gown. I choked on my coffee and said, “Excuse me?”, which in turn released a floodgate of drama. The gal in question wanted her bridesmaids to wear gowns by Badgley Mischka, and shoes to match. I gaped at her. Badgley Mischka??? Number 24 on my List of Things to Do Before I Die is “Own a pair of Badgley Mischka shoes”. It’s on the list FOR A REASON!! (Oddly, on my List of 100, four of them involve shoes:#12- Louboutins, #24- Badgley Mischkas, #38- own a pair made by Daniel Day Lewis, and #87- own maroon Converse All-Stars. That’s the only shoe item I have thus far achieved scratching off my list). For those that are fashion unconscious, Badgley Mischka is a design house famous for their wedding and evening gowns. And by that, I mean one of their gowns can go for five figures. The shoes tend to be far more affordable, in the $300-600 range. So for this gal to ask her attendants to spend over four figures on a bridesmaid gown and shoes is a bit extravagant. Trying to quell the ire of the lady, I did mention that at least the gown could be used again for formal occasions, but then the gentleman lawyer broke in with the most important observation ever:
If women hate being caught in public in the same outfit, why would you subject your attendants to the same fate?
Now, that’s pure genius right there. Personally speaking, if I spy someone wearing the same outfit I am, I see it as a reflection of good taste, not a reason to freak out and hide and wonder if it’s not too late to go home and don a sack cloth. I understand the reason for that tradition (dress similar to confuse evil spirits), but it hardly fits in this day and age. I was a bridesmaid fifteen times, and with two exceptions, the dresses made me look like I was sticking out of the frosting on a cupcake. And every time we attendants absolutely and unequivocally loathed them. If I didn’t know any better, I would say the brides made us wear those ridiculous tulle-tufted, pastel-colored, stiff-necked, bouffant-sleeved taffeta atrocities because they hated us. I much prefer the more relaxed convention some brides take now, letting the bridesmaids choose any gown as long as it is in a specific color or style. This way the attendants can stand out and still be a recognizable group without being clones. It also lets the attendants stay within their own budget, and not at the mercy of a bridezilla whose only thought is to have people comment about her extravagant princess fantasy. A word of advice to would-be bridesmaids: always ask what the bride plans for your dress, and don’t be afraid to give her input. She is your friend, and she will pay attention to make sure the day is good for everyone.
Unless she hates you. Then get ready to look like a turquoise cupcake π
August 2nd, 2016 at 10:27 AM
sticky, oozy hate layered on like too much icing on too little cupcake.
August 2nd, 2016 at 1:12 PM
Same here. I prefer light on icing, heavy on cake π
August 2nd, 2016 at 11:34 AM
She LIVES!
August 2nd, 2016 at 1:12 PM
Barely π
August 2nd, 2016 at 6:53 PM
I don’t know how people justify spending that kind of money on one day. When I got married (now ex) my dress was free, I wore my Mother’s. My bridesmaids picked their own, I just requested green. at least one of them got a really pretty one on sale at JC penney. My niece probably paid 3 figures but that was her parents, I certainly wouldn’t ask someone to spend thousands. WTH is wrong with people?
August 2nd, 2016 at 10:18 PM
They are insane? What 15 minutes of fame? I have no idea π
August 2nd, 2016 at 8:38 PM
What size Converse All Stars?
August 2nd, 2016 at 10:17 PM
Size 6, thank you verra much π
August 2nd, 2016 at 10:14 PM
Sith, if it were up to men it would involve jeans, a nice shirt, shined boots, and a few six-packs.
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you?”
“I’m here, ain’t I?”
“Suck face with the bride. You’re man and wife. Go tap that keg while I change into my camo.”
August 2nd, 2016 at 10:18 PM
And brisket and a crawfish boil. Don’t forget those.
August 2nd, 2016 at 11:00 PM
Pulled pork and smoked buffalo wings, too.
I mean, if we’re going to get real, let’s really get real.
August 3rd, 2016 at 9:24 AM
And cream soda and Red Bull, because we need this party to go for three days.
August 3rd, 2016 at 7:42 PM
This has always been my dream-wedding. Preferably at a gun range (outdoors) with plenty of hiking trails nearby. Packs conveniently stashed so we can make our exit after the burgers-n-brats fest. Jean-shorts and a button-down shirt (un-tucked-un-buttoned, Tshirt beneath). Ceremony to take 10 minutes, tops, followed by horseshoes, BBQ, some frisbee, and canoodling in the woods. Small crowd, 15-20 people tops.
I was shot down during the planning stages of our wedding. I was shoved off to the side as Jalissa and her parents planned this big elaborate shindig and wound up on the wedding day so exhausted they almost couldn’t finish. I just shook my head and smiled.
August 3rd, 2016 at 8:23 PM
Heh, I think that’s what you were wearing when I met y’all, too π
August 8th, 2016 at 1:16 PM
Good post, smiles all around.
Paul L. Quandt