Before I begin, I wish to stress that this is a PG blog, and I do tend to monitor-slash-censor for the sake of my kids who do happen to read my blog. No I don’t force them to do so. Nor do I bribe them. I simply let curiosity get the best of them. I’m sneaky like that.
Anyway, I was watching TV last night, and heard a common and rather trendy insult being bandied about: douche bag. Now, being a gal, I am well aware of what an actual douche bag is. But I fail to see why it is considered an insult. A douche is designed as a cleansing agent, the bag HOLDS said cleansing agent. It is sterile and clean. The bag itself never becomes contaminated. It is an object that helps to aid in cleansing, people. How is THAT a bad thing? I think we are losing the art of the insult when we adopt terms from people who do not understand the true meaning of it. That’s just lazy. And we can and have done better than that. Shakespeare created hundreds of new words in his works, and we are letting them go to waste.
My blogger friend Nicki is a master of the insult. This blog post gives you an example of her linguistic prowess (warning: salty language). Just today she introduced me to another one at the social-site-with-faces. One I can’t repeat here, unfortunately. And let’s not forget our friend BC over at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler!! As scathing as cursing can be, one doesn’t have to rely on cussing to get a good insult across. The classic “bless your heart” goes a long way towards insulting someone, but it’s rather colloquial. I used it on a friend from Philly and he thanked me for my kindness. Sigh….. My son once told a bully that he “had the vocabulary of a head of cabbage.” Before the bully could digest that, Son simply walked away and was never bothered again. Language can be like a scythe when used effectively.
So put some effort into using the vastness of the English language. Heck, just a little effort is all you need. Instead of calling someone a douche bag, call them a colostomy bag. Think about THAT for a moment, and appreciate the beauty of how devastating an insult that is 😉
July 10th, 2014 at 1:16 PM
It a fetid bag of rancid effluvia!
You’re welcome! 😉
July 10th, 2014 at 1:48 PM
July 10th, 2014 at 3:31 PM
My favorite expressions are [censored] and [censored].
“Hey, have I told you lately how much I appreciate you?”
As I walk away I say “Think about that.”
July 10th, 2014 at 3:47 PM
That’s epic 😀
July 10th, 2014 at 3:33 PM
Another is “You are the only person I know with less intrinsic value than a syphilitic rat.”
July 10th, 2014 at 3:48 PM
July 10th, 2014 at 7:20 PM
Thanks for the kind words. Knowing that my
cussingcolorful invective is appreciated raises the ambient temperature of the various bivalve mollusks of my cardio-vascular muscle. 🙂
You’re a suppurating pustule on the rectum of humanity” is one that I’m rather fond of. I’d throw a few more out there, but this IS a PG-rated blog. 😉
July 10th, 2014 at 9:01 PM
Thus the warning at the top of the post 😉
July 10th, 2014 at 8:46 PM
Oh, wait, this is a PG blog. Sorry ’bout posting that one.
July 10th, 2014 at 9:01 PM
You just won the internets 😀
July 11th, 2014 at 3:05 AM
Geez, RA… That was pretty crass, dude.
Skirting the bounds of decency, you are.
Just thought of another good one from Time Bandits… “You are so mercifully unfettered by the ravages of intelligence.” That is poetry.
July 11th, 2014 at 7:00 AM
Oooh, I love that flick. That was indeed poetic 🙂
July 11th, 2014 at 11:38 AM
RA, how about “liberal democrat”? Although, I quite imagine Ms. Aggie will start getting stabby if one violated the PGness of her blog with that one. So, I didn’t post it, and you didn’t read it. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
July 11th, 2014 at 2:14 AM
Sadly, where I am in life right now it would be throwing pearls to the swine.
July 11th, 2014 at 6:59 AM
Hm, good point 🙂
July 12th, 2014 at 3:12 PM
I like your blog, too.
A few thoughts on the topic:
“You seem to have confused me with someone who actually cares what you think”.
“Dumber than a box of rocks”.
“I’m surprised your family lets you out of the house without a leash. Aren’t they afraid you’ll run out into traffic?”
“Thank you for your vastly unsolicited opinion.”
“You underwhelm me.”
July 12th, 2014 at 8:32 PM
That last one…. That made me laugh hard enough to wake up my dog 😀
July 13th, 2014 at 9:42 AM
We aim to please.
July 13th, 2014 at 2:30 PM
Well perhaps any insult might sound artful if the accent is french..”I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” — from Monty Python’s Holy Grrrraill l!
July 13th, 2014 at 6:14 PM
July 21st, 2014 at 9:59 PM
“I coulda been yer daddy, but the dog beat me up the stairs.”
July 22nd, 2014 at 8:03 AM