The other day I was grocery shopping when a gent asked my opinion on wine.
I was in the baking section.
I simply shrugged it off as just a passing thing, until he asked me what I prefer to drink when on a date. I told him that HUBBY AND I prefer to drink whisky. He scooted off with a murmured “thank you ma’am”. Later, while at the check-out line, another gent asked if I was making Caprese salad for dinner (I had tomatoes, basil, and mozzarella cheese), to which I replied in the affirmative. He then goes on to exclaim how much he LOVES it and how he prepares it, and then offers to teach me his method of Caprese salad making. I seriously thought I was in the Twilight Zone. No one but acquaintances and friends and the cashier ever speak to me, and here were two men who were giving me grocery pick up lines?? And then I figured out why:
Yep, THAT is the shirt I was wearing. Men are simple, I guess. But that got me to thinking about truly horrible pick up lines. And honestly I drew a major blank, so I had to ask Hubby and other male friends. And the results were awesome!
Pick Up Lines to Never Use
#5– You’re so hot, you’re melting the elastic in my underwear.
After hearing that, I would pray for spontaneous combustion.
#4– Do you believe in love at first sight?
In a smoky bar with a disco ball and lasers and spotlights? If you do, you may need LSD to make things normal.
#3– You are beautiful. I am ugly. Let’s have average children.
I give this one marks for honesty.
#2– Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
If an angel falls from Heaven, they are now serving in Hell. So you basically called her Satan’s minion.
#1- If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
It only works for the Bellamy Brothers.
So that’s the list for this week. Hope y’all never have to hear any of these at the grocery store 😉
April 10th, 2014 at 10:52 AM
Love the shirt! And line #1 is pretty smooth, in a bleary eyed drunken fashion you must admit with a giggle.
April 10th, 2014 at 10:53 AM
Reblogged this on Cmblake6's Weblog and commented:
Read and be amused.
April 10th, 2014 at 10:57 AM
HA! Thanks so much 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 11:15 AM
It was excellent. And I want one of those shirts!
April 10th, 2014 at 11:18 AM
I got mine at Think Geek 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 11:50 AM
Excellent. I think they’re in my blogroll. If not, they will be. Have you checked dudeiwantthat.com?
April 10th, 2014 at 12:08 PM
Some of my favorites that never worked, but we’re always fun:
“The first two are for me, after that I’m all yours”
“If I complemented you on your figure, would you take your shirt off and dance around a little?”
“Do you have any Scottish/Scandinavian in you? Would you like some?”
It’s not a question of whether you’re gonna crash and burn from time to time. It’s a question of how big of a crater you’re willing to leave.
April 10th, 2014 at 12:11 PM
That last line is going up at H&B quotes NOW!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
April 10th, 2014 at 12:14 PM
The sappiest one ever tried on me was “There’s not enough love in the world…”
Yeah, and there isn’t any more of it right now, either.
April 10th, 2014 at 1:16 PM
That’s epic 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 7:26 PM
Wait, I was the one that used that line.
Ouch.
April 11th, 2014 at 9:28 AM
I wasn’t laughing. At all. Really.
April 12th, 2014 at 1:43 AM
Actually folks, I was trapped before I was even aware of it. She stalked me fair and square.
April 14th, 2014 at 8:35 AM
You say “trapped” like it’s a bad thing 😉
April 10th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
I have a H-D sign at home that reads “Ever ridden a Fatboy?? Want to??”
😀
April 10th, 2014 at 1:16 PM
I see what you did there 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 1:15 PM
True story (drink). Va. Tech has a college of agriculture, including a farm with cows and sheep. I was at a Society for Creative Anachronism event, in full medieval garb, at a rented hall right by the farm. I was leaving and also giving a friend a ride back to campus, when one guy was bound and determined to not let me leave without declaring his undying love. He waxed poetic about the moonlight on my hair, the stars in my eyes, my kissable lips, right there in the parking lot with an audience. The wind picked up just enough for a good whiff of the farm, and my friend announced, “Sounds like sheepdip to me! Let’s go.”
April 10th, 2014 at 1:17 PM
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! 😆
April 10th, 2014 at 1:18 PM
What?! No “There’s a party in my pants, and you’re invited to it!”?
April 10th, 2014 at 1:20 PM
That is the first time I have ever read or heard that one.
Thanks be to God!! HAHAHAHA!!!
April 10th, 2014 at 5:29 PM
Yes, it certainly is the worst that I’ve heard of.
April 10th, 2014 at 2:30 PM
I have never delivered a pick up line in my life nor have I ever pursued any females at the club……I’d just stand outside the door at closing with a bottle of Tequila….
April 10th, 2014 at 2:51 PM
Smarticles…thou hast them 😉
April 10th, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Sit on a happy face!
🙂
April 11th, 2014 at 9:28 AM
*rolls eyes*
April 10th, 2014 at 7:10 PM
A very intoxicated and attractive teenage female once said to several teenage males in close proximity (back in my teen years), “there’s a party in my mouth and you all can come.”
Then her fugly wingman (wing woman?) promptly extricated the two if them from the vicinity before the damage could be done.
April 11th, 2014 at 9:29 AM
A teen?? Drinking?? NO WAY?? 😉
April 10th, 2014 at 7:33 PM
You must be tired. You’ve been running through my mind all night.
April 11th, 2014 at 9:29 AM
Honorable mention 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 7:42 PM
You wore the culinary equivalent of the little black dress and then complain that it was noticed? At the grocery store?
Yeah, ok, they were creepy but still.
#5 would probably get a guy punched by me if I heard him use that on a gal. I was thrown out of a bar for defending a woman for less.
April 11th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
In my defense, I was wearing a jacket, too. But it is now duly noted to NOT wear it while shopping again 😀
April 10th, 2014 at 8:00 PM
#2….I would draw the obvious conclusion that all women are evil and possessed to one degree or another, but that would be untrue, because YOU, Sithy, with the well-used machete, are obviously of superior quality.
April 10th, 2014 at 8:22 PM
You fear the Sith, don’t you, RA? Very wise.
April 11th, 2014 at 9:36 PM
I fear the voices in women-folks’ heads.
Especially womenfolk with sharpened machetes.
April 12th, 2014 at 2:18 AM
And ones with red-brown-grey matter stuck to them.
April 14th, 2014 at 8:36 AM
Hey, I always sterilize before using Joaquina.
It’s the least I can do.
April 14th, 2014 at 8:35 AM
You don’t fear the voices. You envy them 😀
April 11th, 2014 at 8:23 AM
Nice save, RA. You think she’ll notice?
April 11th, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Superior quality Satan’s minion? Yeah, I noticed 😀
April 11th, 2014 at 9:31 AM
Oh, we are all evul. No doubt about that!
April 11th, 2014 at 9:36 AM
Who needs pickup lines when there’s Everclear and roofies? 😛
April 11th, 2014 at 7:02 PM
A true Savage like myself doesn’t need pickup lines, I just find the one i want and drag her out by the hair. It worked for my great great grat great great great great great great, wait one more, great grandpa Ug Savage. ;o)
April 14th, 2014 at 8:34 AM
Ug was related to Thag, right? 😀
April 12th, 2014 at 12:50 PM
http://tinyurl.com/ljh9h72
April 14th, 2014 at 8:37 AM
*rolls eyes* 😀