I am a fan of sugar. I love it. Candy is dandy, y’all. I am the type that takes her time savoring sugar, be it a candy bar or hard candy. No matter, it is sugar and it should be properly consumed. But every wonderful thing has a flip side, and sometimes you have to draw the line, even where your sweet tooth is concerned. You can imagine the angst I feel during Halloween.
It’s hellish, y’all.
No Sense Candy
#5– Baby Bottle Pop
Sucking on a candy pacifier may indicate severe mental trauma. Same goes for the stupid ring pops.
#4– Push Pops
Uh, if I have to work at getting the candy, it’s not worth the trouble.
#3– Eyeballs
I had to eat sheep eyes once, and this just sends me into paroxysms of rage.
#2– Spiced Candy
Wasabi, jalapeno, serrano, jolokia, I don’t care. NO SPICY PEPPERS belong in candy. EVER.
#1– Insect Lollipops
Whoever thought coating a dead scorpion in hard candy was a good idea should be rotting in Hades.
Now, time to eat some chocolate to wash out the bad taste from this post 😉
Sithy Things 
November 21st, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Sheep Eyes?
November 21st, 2013 at 7:32 PM
One word: BLETCH.
November 21st, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Back when dirt was new, Pier 1 Imports sold chocolate covered ants and grasshoppers. I tried the ants, since they usually ended up in my grandmother’s fresh fig preserves, and I wasn’t revolted by the idea. .
They weren’t bad, but I couldn’t get around the crunchiness of the ants; knowing what they were.
I wouldn’t try the grasshoppers. They’re like the worm in mescal. It’s not bravery that makes people eat such things; it’s hunger or alcohol, and neither is a good thing to determine what might taste good…or bad.
November 21st, 2013 at 7:33 PM
Thank you SO MUCH for saying mescal. I hate it when people associate the worm with tequila 😀
November 22nd, 2013 at 8:48 AM
(Quietly hides the Mezcal flavored candy with worm)
November 22nd, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Thanks?
November 22nd, 2013 at 8:49 AM
Does any of the candy taste good?
November 22nd, 2013 at 9:52 AM
According to my kids, #5 and #4 do 🙂
November 22nd, 2013 at 11:14 AM
I got my nephew a box of Boogers once for Halloween. He loved them.
I’m with you on the spiced candy. Jalapeno, wasabe, cayenne all have their time and place. Candy ain’t it.
November 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Indeedy 🙂
November 22nd, 2013 at 2:41 PM
Munchkin picked up a bag of those old wax “coke bottle” candy things at Cracker Barrel ™ once. I swiped one. Managed to chew thrice before rolling down the window and spitting it out. With a vengeance. Gimme some good old PeanutButterLogs or Mike-n-Ike or Dots or something.
November 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 PM
If I want to eat wax, I’ll chew a candle.
November 26th, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Dots are gross – they feel and taste like plastic. I won’t eat them nor Airheads nor Twizzlers.
That said, I’m the only one in the family who will eat Bit O’Honey.
November 22nd, 2013 at 7:16 PM
I remember the old wax lips…usually making their appearance around Halloween. They were not all that bad..at least when I was a kid…now what little teeth I have left would rebel at the sight of them.
Have you tried the Meringue candies out there? They come in different flavors (Myers Lemon being one of them). They start out a little crunchy…but if you let them melt in your mouth….mmmmm…sweet sugary goodness!! I think we picked em up at Sam’s Club…but it could have been one of the local grocers in the big city down the road.
November 23rd, 2013 at 9:15 AM
*puts on list* 😀
November 23rd, 2013 at 11:04 AM
After having read the customer reviews here: http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1 I am seriously considering handing these out next Halloween.
As for your list, whoever came up with the idea for these candies needs to be institutionalized, as should the kids who think it would be a good idea to eat the candies.
If your kid(s) or grandkid(s) (not all of us are as young as you, Mrs. Sith) insist on eating crap like this, just inform them that beaver anal glands are used in the manufacture of vanilla, strawberry, and raspberry artificial flavors. (I have to wonder just how someone figured out that beaver butt could taste like vanilla or strawberry.)
November 23rd, 2013 at 11:56 AM
Oy 😯
November 23rd, 2013 at 12:28 PM
Is that a good “Oy” or a bad “Oy”? >:)
November 23rd, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Way bad 😀
November 23rd, 2013 at 5:21 PM
“…beaver anal glands are used in the manufacture of vanilla, strawberry, and raspberry artificial flavors…”. Reference, please? This sounds like the old urban myth about McDonalds’ use of worm meal to enhance the protein content of their hamburgers.
P.S. I’m also a chemist, and have synthesized vanillin in the lab as an undergraduate exercise. At no time did we have to do anything with beaver anal glands, nor indeed, get to do anything to do with beavers at all. Not that we didn’t try…
November 25th, 2013 at 10:35 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
November 25th, 2013 at 11:43 AM
http://savvysavingbytes.com/2012/02/foods-containing-beaver-anal-glands-dont-ask/
There you go, Jay.
November 26th, 2013 at 8:24 AM
Oh dear GOD!!
November 26th, 2013 at 1:34 PM
Buwahahahahahaha!
November 26th, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Thanks for the link, Ogrrre, I’ll check it out in more detail. However, I have my doubts as to the accuracy, as I can’t imagine the cost per pound of beaver anal glands being competitive with other raw material sources (such as petroleum feedstock and waste paper pulp – Yum!). The Wikipedia article on vanillin is not too bad on the synthesis pathways, again, taking anything in Wikipedia with a grain of salt.
November 26th, 2013 at 10:25 PM
A salt lick, in fact 😉