Thursday Never List

When it comes to fashion, I am a creature of habit. I still own sweatpants I wore in college and shirts I wore in high school. As a teen in the 80’s, parachute pants and sleeveless shirts were big fads that in my frank opinion, should never have come to pass.

And don’t get me started on the prairie blouses.

There are some trends and fads that I will never follow. It’s not that they are bad, per se. It’s just that they seem like they are made to scream attention to the wearer. And so here is my list of fads I will never follow.

#5– Odd Nail Colors

Sure it can be nice to paint your nails blue if you’re a Cowgirls fan. I just can’t do it. I am a firm believer in pinks and reds for your nails. It reminds people of blood on talons, and you just can’t go wrong with that.

#4– Dipped Hair

That is when half the hair length is colored differently than the other. I have no desire to look like a popsicle. Not even in summer.

#3– Exposed Bra Straps

Guys don’t have to worry about this, but frankly, it just looks tacky to show off your bra strap, even on a shirt designed to do so. Unless Playtex™ and Victoria’s Secret™ pay you to advertise for them, don’t do it.

#2– Animal Prints

You are not Catwoman, so don’t dress like a cheetah. Animal prints as an accent? Sure. As a head-to-toe look? Verbotten in my closet.

#1– Boob Belt

No, just no. A belt is for holding your pants up, or to emphasize your waist. Never, EVER, should you wear a belt below your pectoral attributes. It’s one thing to be short-waisted, and quite another to extend the line of your hips all the way up to your chest.

So there you have it: fashions I’ll never employ. Now excuse me, but I have to go dig up my leg warmers from the box in back of the closet. I am in need of kindling 😉