Channeling Alice Cooper

For the first time in like forever, I am looking forward to school ending and summer vacation. For most Stay-At-Home mothers, “summer” means “jail”. But honestly, this time it will be a reprieve from the almost constant deluge of school functions, meetings, concerts, and ROTC events. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy being involved. But there is only ONE of me, ok?? It is extremely difficult to be everywhere at once with the Laws of Physics refusing to bend to my every need. Every. Single. Weekend. PEOPLE!! It would have been fine if only all three kids had their activities in the same frickin’ town. But no…. THAT would have been waaaaaaay too easy.

Only the best back-to-school ad EVAH!!

But even I know summer can be a pitfall. It can unravel faster than a cheetah ripping through the yarn aisle at JoAnn’s™. So, a few rules MUST be implemented, observed and enforced in order for Mommy to not escape inside a bottle not lose her mind.

RULE #1

The term “I’m bored!” is banned. If uttered, even in a whisper or under breath, the culprit will have earned five hours cleaning the outside windows with newspapers and vinegar. Yes, I am old school.

RULE #2

You are responsible for your own breakfast AND lunch during the weekdays. Asking me for it will earn you an extra set of chores, to include attic cleaning.

RULE #3

TV will be limited to only three hours per day (not counting evenings). This does include any videogaming. Breaking this rule will have earned the perpetrator three hours of outside activity. Pooper scooper may be involved.

RULE #4

The query, “Why?” is no longer valid. End of discussion.

RULE #5

Any schoolwork for the summer will be done the FIRST two weeks of summer vacation, and not the last 20 minutes of summer vacation. As an addendum, any schoolwork that requires math or physics is solely the responsibility of Daddy. Mommy was told there would be no math.

RULE #6

Music while doing chores or for the joy of it is fine, as long as it is within the accepted parameters: no screamo, no alternative, no techno pop. Also, it must be played at a level consistent with my ability to keep my sanity, so nothing above 1,200 decibels.

So far these are a few of the solid rules. I shall be printing these out and posting them on the refrigerator, as well as on each of their doors. And quite possibly the bathroom mirror. Obey these rules, and you don’t get hurt. It is that simple.

Disobey, and deal with your father 😉