I’m Officially a Cantankerous Old Lady

And I am being kind.

Yesterday, I was outside trimming the dead branches off my Pride of Barbados shrubs, bushes….whatever they are. They are supposed to grow to six feet, and mine are ten feet tall. Yes, I need a stepstool. Anyway, I was off in my little world of garden beautification when I hear kids walking into the cul-de-sac. Normally this is fine, but I know the kids around here are all gone for vacation somewhere. So I turn to look and see that they are walking up the sidewalk, tossing a football back and forth. “How cool,” I think to myself. I like to see kids being active.

And then the coolness factor stopped when they got on my crappy lawn to throw the football on a long pass!!!

Me: Excuse me, but you are on the lawn.

Kid #1: We are throwing a football.

Me: I see that, but you need to respect people’s property.

Kid #2: It’s just a football, man.

Me: That’s “Lady”, and GET OFF MY LAWN!!

The only thing missing was my shotgun.

The machete may have intimidated them, though. Now, I am not one to freak out if someone is on my crappy lawn, ok? The kids around the cul-de-sac have come and gone with their skateboards, bikes, rollerblades, whatever. But they had asked if it was ok. These kids took it for granted that the whole place was their playing field, and that is just wrong. Respect for other people’s property is something we were taught as kids. I get the vibe some of us are slacking off in teaching that lesson.

Now, I’m off to go dig some holes for yet another Pride of Barbados and a few Lumbagos. I can’t seem to kill those. If I start yelling at the birds to get off my lawn, I’ll know I have a problem 😉

Comfortably Numb

I am not one for a lot of excitement. I’m pretty much the most boring in my family. But that’s not a bug. It’s a feature.

At the school, I usually volunteer for the most menial jobs. My favorite is cutting the Box Tops to size. I can sit there and do that for hours. Counting band instruments? Count me in! Organizing tempera and acrylics? You betcha!! I love doing that stuff. It numbs the senses, letting me think.

Lately I have had the need for meniality. The more numb I am to emotional stuff, the better I function for the family. Compartmentalizing isn’t my strongpoint. Not by a long shot. But finding a way to do the everyday things that need to get done is important. Having a set of habits helps, such as the coffee ritual every morning. I now feel the need to yell at a speck of dust that dares to think to settle on the coffee table. It’s not an obsessive thing by any stretch. Ok, the yelling may be. I can’t help that. Ok, maybe I can. STOP JUDGING ME!!

Being numb isn’t always a bad thing 😉

Mirror, Mirror

That’s the title of one of my favorite Star Trek episodes. Parallel universe and Mr. Spock in a goatee. Doesn’t get any more fun than that!

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in a parallel universe. I was in the bathroom cleaning up prior to scouring the counters when I looked up and thought, “That’s my MOM!!!”

Now, don’t get me wrong. My mom is a very good looking woman. I only WISH I looked like her! But it wasn’t that I witnessed her physical beauty in my mirror.

It’s just that I have her “11” between my eyes.

You know what I mean. The two lines constantly frowning, even when you aren’t worried or angry? Yeah, those!!! So, after I stopped ogling at the mirror, I did what any rational woman would do. I washed my face and slathered intensive wrinkle cream on my forehead, and started smiling at everything. Not even the dog having an accident wiped the smile off my face.

It doesn’t mean I won’t ever get mad. It just means I will be smiling while yelling 😉

68 Years Ago Today

I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory!–
Dwight D. Eisenhower, June 6, 1944

I regret never taking the opportunity to visit Normandy while stationed in Germany. I did get to visit the  Luxembourg American Cemetery and Memorial near the village of Hamm in Luxembourg. The cemetery was established in December, 1944, by the U.S. Third Army during the Ardennes Offensive. General George S. Patton is buried there. Walking alongside the crosses, listening to the beauty, it felt as if Time was waiting for something. I think it still is.

These men had their victory. I pray we have in our spirit the same abilities to achieve our own.

Needles in Soft Haystacks

Well, not real haystacks.

Yesterday was an adventure. And by “adventure”, I mean “roller coaster”. I hate roller coasters. I prefer to keep my feet on the ground and enjoy the scenery rather than have my life flash by in a blur. But every so often one has to get on to prove to oneself that the roller coaster is not the boss of you!

Anyway, I had another mammogram done, as well as an ultrasound. I want to stress that everyone in the Radiology Department was beyond awesome. That doesn’t mean the mammogram was gentle, by any means. To add insult to injury, she had to retake it because she didn’t get enough on the squishy plates. Talk about an ego killer. Once she was done, I went back out to wait for the ultrasound. I felt relief because how bad can the ultrasound be, right? They place a bit of gel in the questionable area and swipe a transducer across to get an image. Piece of cake, right? WRONG!! It turns out it wasn’t just one nodule, but several, and as the technician swiped the transducer across it pushed against a tender area causing a rather large amount of discomfort. To make things worse, she kept missing it, because the cysts kept moving, so she had to dig juuuuust a little more each time to get a good view.

Owie….

Not my actual ultrasound, but a good representation.

Now, imagine about 20 of them. Two of them were proving to be difficult, so the radiologists decided to drain the fluid in each one. And you may ask, just how is this done?

By inserting a syringe and withdrawing the fluid!!

Normally, this is were most people would totally wig out. And I came close, but when push comes to shove, you do what you must, right? So, I sat there as they explained the procedure, and told me how they would apply a local anesthetic so that I wouldn’t feel the needles (one for each cyst). That sounds good so far. Anyway, I laid flat on my back so that he could see the outline of the cysts better, and that’s when he noticed the bruise on the left haystack.

Doc: Wow, what happened here?

Me: Uh… long story.

Hubby: *snickers*

Me: A dog bit it, ok??

Doc: (laughing) This sure isn’t boring.

By now I was just itching to get this over with and done, but of course it’s never simple. I thought the local anesthetic was topical. Noooooooooooo…. it is injected. So there I am, on my side, arm way up over my head and falling asleep, scapula digging into the hard pillow used to prop me on my side, and the resident telling me to stay as still as possible and that I will “just feel a pinch”.

It’s a damn good thing he was a gorgeous redhead because I wanted to kill him on the spot. I was holding Hubby’s hand, clenching it actually, whimpering as quietly as I could, when I started to feel like my arm was ballooning. It was just like being at the dentist’s, only instead of drooling all over my arm just went totally limp. Thank you, Lord, for good drugs. As I watched the ultrasound, I see a needle being inserted into the area, and the resident wiggling it ever closer to the cyst. And what happens? The cyst decides to play coy, and move around!! GAH!!!! So he wiggles some more, into an area that is not completely anesthesized. Um, OY!! But as a good patient, I stay very still, and finally see him prick the cyst and withdraw the fluid. The second cyst was less problematic, but had to be wiggled into place. It was a very weird feeling having one’s haystack be moved around like that. But all good things come to an end.

Now it was time to go over recovery instructions. I figured it would be relatively simple stuff, watching for infection, keeping the swelling down, etc. I was taking it all in, until the nurse said I can only take acetaminophen for pain.

Excuse me??

I don’t get 12,000 mg ibuprofen?? No Vicodin?? NOTHING??? Acetaminophen just doesn’t work for me. I asked her why only that, and her reply was to prevent more bruising and bleeding in the area. To which I almost said, “That’s what Band-Aids™ are for, right??” But I was a good patient, and did as I was told. As I thought, acetaminophen did nothing for the pain, but the cold packs did. Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep with those, so I was a bit uncomfortable, but at least it beats the alternative.

So, in answer to y’all’s question, yes. I do have matching bruises now 😉

Curveballs When Least Expected

Normally, I have a post by 9 AM every morning. Lately I have been a bit preoccupied with other stuff around here. Kids are fine, and Hubby is fine. I thank the Good Lord for that. But sometimes Life, Fate, whatever it is, tends to throw a curveball to see if I’m paying attention.

Last week I found a hard nodule in the upper right pectoral milk dispensing device. No, not the one that was *ahem* bitten by my neighbor’s dog. The other one. Anyway, I was very frightened, and also very angry. But the anger was directed at myself. I know to check myself for these eventualities, but had neglected to do so for several months. My last mammogram had been clear and just fine and dandy, so I slacked off.

That is unacceptable. One simply cannot take chances at my age that things will be just fine. And the worst part is actually having close friends who are in treatment for breast cancer. I was lucky it was cystic. I have no excuse for my laziness, but I do hope that this inspires others to be more careful, and to check themselves often. We all get one shot at living on this rock, and we should take care to make sure we live it to the best of our ability.

There will always be curveballs. The trick is to plant your feet, watch it coming at you, and SWING!!!!

I Slept In

And I liked it!

It didn’t do anything for my beauty, but at least I got plenty of sleep for a change. Oh, I did get up around 7:00 AM to tend to the Sheltie, but I made fast tracks back to bed when she was done. The whole house was still and I was going to take advantage of that. So seeing as it is Sunday, and too late for doughnuts, have a Sithy.

What?? It’s Sunday, time to relax, and it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!!

Courtesy of ArmedGeek (sometimes NSFW….ok, most of the time) 😀

Twenty Lipsticks Does Not an Addiction Make

At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

I was scrolling the blogs this morning, and noticed an interesting ad on someone’s sidebar. Cover Girl™– or maybe it was Maybelline™, some make-up company– was touting sixteen new shades for the summer season. SIXTEEN!!! I sat there and seriously wondered who would own sixteen different lipsticks, though to be fair not all women (or men) could wear the same shades. And for only ONE season. I mean, if I find a shade I like, I don’t retire it because Emily Post said so, you know what I mean? Anyway, I was still muttering about how silly some women are for having so many lipsticks, and went to my make-up basket, and counted….

Not only did I have over 20 lipsticks, I had duplicates of the same shade! Some from Bare Escentuals™, some from Estee Lauder™, one from Guerlain™, and even Chanel™. Oh, and then I found even more hiding in a Tupperware™ container, and shamefully, those I have owned since I used to sell Mary Kay™.

Back in 1997.

But the worst part about this whole thing? I seldom wear lipstick.

So today I shall be deleting old make-up from my stash. And before you ask, no, you may NOT have the Chanel™ lipstick. I do like that one 😉

I’m Not a Hand Model, Either

But I was inspired by my interwebby friends Laura and Nicole. Besides, it is a small vanity to have, one with which I can live. So, I decided to be a hand model for today, showing off Ladies and Magenta-Men by O.P.I. What can I say? I liked the name, and the color is a very bright magenta, to which my iPhone 3 GS camera doesn’t do justice.

Well, you know I was going to hold a knife. A gun would not have been clichè enough 😉