Needles in Soft Haystacks

Well, not real haystacks.

Yesterday was an adventure. And by “adventure”, I mean “roller coaster”. I hate roller coasters. I prefer to keep my feet on the ground and enjoy the scenery rather than have my life flash by in a blur. But every so often one has to get on to prove to oneself that the roller coaster is not the boss of you!

Anyway, I had another mammogram done, as well as an ultrasound. I want to stress that everyone in the Radiology Department was beyond awesome. That doesn’t mean the mammogram was gentle, by any means. To add insult to injury, she had to retake it because she didn’t get enough on the squishy plates. Talk about an ego killer. Once she was done, I went back out to wait for the ultrasound. I felt relief because how bad can the ultrasound be, right? They place a bit of gel in the questionable area and swipe a transducer across to get an image. Piece of cake, right? WRONG!! It turns out it wasn’t just one nodule, but several, and as the technician swiped the transducer across it pushed against a tender area causing a rather large amount of discomfort. To make things worse, she kept missing it, because the cysts kept moving, so she had to dig juuuuust a little more each time to get a good view.


Not my actual ultrasound, but a good representation.

Now, imagine about 20 of them. Two of them were proving to be difficult, so the radiologists decided to drain the fluid in each one. And you may ask, just how is this done?

By inserting a syringe and withdrawing the fluid!!

Normally, this is were most people would totally wig out. And I came close, but when push comes to shove, you do what you must, right? So, I sat there as they explained the procedure, and told me how they would apply a local anesthetic so that I wouldn’t feel the needles (one for each cyst). That sounds good so far. Anyway, I laid flat on my back so that he could see the outline of the cysts better, and that’s when he noticed the bruise on the left haystack.

Doc: Wow, what happened here?

Me: Uh… long story.

Hubby: *snickers*

Me: A dog bit it, ok??

Doc: (laughing) This sure isn’t boring.

By now I was just itching to get this over with and done, but of course it’s never simple. I thought the local anesthetic was topical. Noooooooooooo…. it is injected. So there I am, on my side, arm way up over my head and falling asleep, scapula digging into the hard pillow used to prop me on my side, and the resident telling me to stay as still as possible and that I will “just feel a pinch”.

It’s a damn good thing he was a gorgeous redhead because I wanted to kill him on the spot. I was holding Hubby’s hand, clenching it actually, whimpering as quietly as I could, when I started to feel like my arm was ballooning. It was just like being at the dentist’s, only instead of drooling all over my arm just went totally limp. Thank you, Lord, for good drugs. As I watched the ultrasound, I see a needle being inserted into the area, and the resident wiggling it ever closer to the cyst. And what happens? The cyst decides to play coy, and move around!! GAH!!!! So he wiggles some more, into an area that is not completely anesthesized. Um, OY!! But as a good patient, I stay very still, and finally see him prick the cyst and withdraw the fluid. The second cyst was less problematic, but had to be wiggled into place. It was a very weird feeling having one’s haystack be moved around like that. But allΒ good things come to an end.

Now it was time to go over recovery instructions. I figured it would be relatively simple stuff, watching for infection, keeping the swelling down, etc. I was taking it all in, until the nurse said I can only take acetaminophen for pain.

Excuse me??

I don’t get 12,000 mg ibuprofen?? No Vicodin?? NOTHING??? Acetaminophen just doesn’t work for me. I asked her why only that, and her reply was to prevent more bruising and bleeding in the area. To which I almost said, “That’s what Band-Aidsβ„’ are for, right??” But I was a good patient, and did as I was told. As I thought, acetaminophen did nothing for the pain, but the cold packs did. Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep with those, so I was a bit uncomfortable, but at least it beats the alternative.

So, in answer to y’all’s question, yes. I do have matching bruises now πŸ˜‰

About LC Aggie Sith

Machete-wielding zombie killer when not shopping for shoes. View all posts by LC Aggie Sith

40 responses to “Needles in Soft Haystacks

  • The Queen

    How did you know that was going to be my question? Mind reader!
    Praying for the results we all want….

  • Car in

    Hope you’re feeling ok soon. I’ll hold off on a squishy hug.

  • Lemur King

    But… Cysts are good, right? Or am I fundamentally confused about such things? Can cysts be “bad”?

    And where in the hell did anyone think that “just a pinch” even remotely feels like a pinch? No, it doesn’t feel like a pinch. It feels like a fucking 1/4 inch diameter needle with sand glued to it as it pushes through your flesh, is what it feels like. There’s no “pinch”.

    They said just a “pinch” when they shoved that needle clean through the thickness of my neck months ago and I’ve never been pinched like that.

    Ok, end of my outrage on your behalf. For now.

    Yesterday I had thought everything was ok. Did I totally misunderstand? If I did, I sure hope my remarks about “glad you’re ok” didn’t sound like a total asshole.

    So on the safe side – damn, I hope you’re ok.

  • xbradtc

    Soooooo…… back down to a B cup?

  • wpdunn74136

    Thanks to Yahweh that your “Decanters” are good to go (snicker) – seriously please ladies keep those fabulous boobies in tip top shape

    Aggie you are tops in my book!

  • RoundHammer117

    Does this mean you have earned the jelly doughnut, Ms.Aggie . . .?

    I would insist on an entire box for your personal morale enhancement . . .

    • LC Aggie Sith

      A baker’s dozen πŸ˜‰

    • LC Aggie Sith

      Also, congrats on being my 3,900th comment πŸ˜‰

    • RoundHammer117

      Groovy . . .! Do I get a chocolate chip cookie, or a new boomstick?

      I would like an LWRC piston rifle . . . with an ACOG . . .

      I got plenty of PMags . . .

      • LC Aggie Sith

        Jelly doughnut. D’uh!! πŸ˜‰

      • RoundHammer117

        But my Lady, I am not the person of wit and snark with said hankering for said combined pastry and fruit preserve confection that brings viceral pleasure to one’s lips . . .

        I am certainly not a person of wit . . .

        It is the discharging of high-velocity, potential/kinetic energy delivering modular conveyance devices upon distant points or villainous persons of interest in which I derive the knowledge that all of my faculties are being employed to their maximum ability. That is happiness, as the Ancient Greeks defined it, why I often refer to them for existential wisdom.

        Sadly, modern Greeks are . . . deeply wanting for character and resilience, as their demonstrations show.

        I was one point short of receiving a bronze medal in my first three-gun competition, and in the top ten percent of stock 1911 shooters in my first steel plate match. I see no reason not to take this as anything but encouraging.

        As always, to your health and well being.

        • LC Aggie Sith

          How very eloquent!

          Thank you for sending me the doc. I shall read it this evening, once the kids are done pestering me πŸ˜‰

        • RoundHammer117

          Hope you enjoy, though I forgot to mention, as it is a war story, it is a hard “R-Rating” for the usual reasons. The chapter in question is limited in that respect, but it has enough to be telling.

          Drawn from personal experiences, others have told me it must be theraputic . . . I just nod in the interests of being polite.

          The truth is more complex . . .

  • BrandyG

    Ouch, glad to know that you are okay… always worrisome when stuff shows up on ultrasound/mammagram that’s not supposed to be there… Did they say you couldn’t stay liquored up to ease the pain?? πŸ™‚ Hope the recovery is swift!

  • Nicole

    Wow! Sounds painful. Hoping for speedy recovery for you!

  • LC LtC

    I was a little ahead of the pack yesterday, too. Well, hold the sentiments until appropriate!

  • RabidAlien

    Dang. 12,000mg Motrin? Is that available in an OTC store-brand?

    Doc on the boat used to leave a bottle of Motrin 800mg sitting on his desk, with an open invitation for anyone who had an ache or pain or compound fracture (anything short of arterial bleeding was no excuse to interrupt his smoke break or playing golf on the training computer, daggummit! Yeah. He was a paragon of medical virtue.). I usually just grabbed a bottle every now and then and took it home, just to save myself the effort of walking back to the boat from my barracks.

  • John DuMond

    Ouch! I’m sorry to hear you had to go through all this B.S. My wife had to go through it all a few years ago, to include two MRI’s and some biopsies. Fortunately, it turn out to be nothing serious.

    As for Acetaminophen, I find it useless too. I get a better analgesic effect from M&Ms. Plus they taste better than Tylenol. πŸ˜‰

  • Cruel Wife

    Ugh, sorry to hear about the troubles, but I’m glad they were cysts. Would you like me to regale you with my own lumpy haystack horror stories and subsequent lumpectomies? It all started when I was 16… (I’m sure I could make a few people squirmy!) πŸ˜€ Fortunately they were benign tumors. So far, no sign of anything worse.

  • flyoverhere

    Couldn’t click ‘Like’ on this post because I don’t ‘Like’ that you had to go through it. Me, been there, done that, have TShirt…….

    Of course my prayer is that all is good!

  • katiepede

    I am training to be a radiotherapist for cancer treatments, but spent a day in mammography so I could better understand a patient’s journey. I am so pleased that it was a cyst, but I am sorry that you were in such pain xxx

    • LC Aggie Sith

      Bless you, Katie! From what I know of you, patients are in good hands indeed πŸ™‚

      • katiepede

        Aww that is kind of you to say. I do hope that I can make people feel better, even if it’s just a little bit πŸ™‚ When I was in the mammography clinic I held the hand of a lady having her breast aspirated, and she was squeezing hard! I tried distracting her from her discomfort by chatting about all sorts, her children etc etc… even tried asking her what she was up to for the jubilee….. mistake…. apparently she hated the royal family…. oops…. (I think I took her mind off what was happening though)! πŸ™‚

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