How to Be an Awesome Mom, Part Eleventy

Last night we went out to eat, a treat from my brother-in-law in honor of Son’s birthday. It had been a long week, so Hubby suggested I have a drink. I was way ahead of him, and ordered a martini sampler: Guavatini, Lemondrop, and Chocolatini. Look, I know those aren’t “real” martinis, ok? But a beer wasn’t going to cut it and I wanted sugar to be my alcohol carrier.

Aren’t they adorable?? And smashing. No, really. You can get smashed on one order alone.

Anyway, Son was interested in trying them. Hilarity ensued.

Son: Mom, what’s the dark one?

Me: That’s the chocolatini.

Son: The what?

Me: (enunciating slowly) Chocolate martini.

Son: May I try it?

Me: Sure. (Don’t y’all wish I was your mom??)

Son: (coughing and gagging) Ugh! It’s like chocolate alcohol!!

Me: That’s the POINT!!

Sometimes, this job is way too easy

Why Have Cookies When There is Wine??

Today marks the official Star Wars Day. I don’t celebrate May the 4th. I celebrate the following day, of course. Why? Because it’s REVENGE OF THE 5TH!!!

Anyway, today I will be attending the annual Wein and Saengerfest™ here. This year Hubby gets to go with me, since he was out of the country last time. Also, he will be slightly put out to find that he has been *ahem* volunteered to be the designated driver.

The only thing that would make this a perfect day would be these:

Courtesy of Durban Decor

Are they not awesome?? You can get your own here! I know my friend Mitchell would love a set. Yes, they are on my Mother’s Day list. But then again, so are LOTS of things.

Ok, time to go get drunk enjoy the festivities! Y’all have a great Saturday!!

Nice Stems

You would think that with the amount of stemware I own, I would be a wino by now. Truth is, I don’t drink that much. Maybe a glass of wine every two days or so. Unless the Nomstress is here. She’s dangerous. Anyway, last night I served some wine for Hubby and Nommie (no, I didn’t partake. I take this Lent thing seriously!) in these really nice, really thin glasses.

Don’t get excited. I served from a box of wine. But the stems are truly pretty. And did I mention thin? VERY thin?? I am always afraid of breaking one if I breathe on it the wrong way. And if you talk with your hands like I do, they are a huge accident waiting to happen. So I found a solution.

Stemless, because there comes a time when a stem just hinders your ability to judge the distance between your lips and the table. Besides, you can use these for mixed drinks, or any beverage for that matter. Now the remaining quandary will be what to get rid of in order to make room for them. I can tell y’all it won’t be any barware. That just wouldn’t be right.

The Sniffle Diaries

Well, it seems as though this South Texas winter wants to screw with our heads, not with weather but with pollen and viruses. For the past two weeks, I’ve had sick kids get better, only to fall sick again when someone at school brings something new to share. Today I have Little One at home, laying on the couch watching cartoon after cartoon after cartoon. At first it was Spongebob, then Ponies, then Looney Tunes, now Zim.

My brain is mushy.

Oh, thank goodness! She just turned it to Phineas and Ferb.

Anyway, having a sick kid usually means catering to their every need. Unfortunately, my Little One refuses to take any medications. BUT, she wants me to cure her ills. So for her I rely on providing liquids, heating pad, and ice pack for her headache. And chocolate. That seems to restore her happy mood.

If only I had thought of that. An apple a day has NOTHING on chocolate pills

My Bleedin’ Heart

Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day!

I am a lucky gal today. Hubby surprised me. BIG TIME!! Yesterday, I gave myself a manicure, just in case. Why? Because I wanted my hands to look nice in case I got a pretty bauble. But no…. I GOT A KEURIG!!

Behold my new Precious!! The best part? Programmable!! The not-so-best part? Um, I can totally see myself drinking far more than my usual two cups.

Ok, like that’s a bad thing, right??

Anyway, I’m going to go make my third second cup. Y’all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!! *MUAH*

I’m Like Laura, Only Different

I have been sick for a couple of days, and in an effort to get better, I decided to do what Laura does and self medicate. Admittedly, I am not a big fan of gin and circus peanuts, though I have been known to OD on the circus peanuts back in my youth. Still, I figured that it just boiled down to alcohol and sugar, right? So I drank some wine and ate some jelly beans in the hopes that I would magically feel close to human again.

Well, I’m still sick. And I am now of the opinion that one should NEVER mix jelly beans with any kind of wine. Of course, last night I didn’t care that I was still sick, so that’s progress, right?

I think next time I will do a mixed drink and chocolate, instead.

Because everything goes well with chocolate

Because Sickness is My Schtick, or Something

Today I have a sick teenager at home.  Though it is in my job description to be the resident Florence Nightingale, I am always struck but how the sick patient in question relies on my old wives tale style of nursing rather than on her father’s medical training. It never fails.

Sicko: Mom, I don’t feel so good.

Me: Hm… you better have your father check you.

Sicko: Why?

Me: Seriously, you have to ask??

Sicko: But you’re the mom.

Me: Ok, let me see…

(takes temp, feels for clamminess, etc.)

Me: I can make you a concoction of milk, onion juice, ginger and cinnamon which may help.

Sicko: I guess I’ll have dad check me out…

Works every time. Ironically, so does the concoction. Unfortunately, it was something my grandmother made for pain, and she has no recipe for it. Which when you think about the ingredients, I’m kind of relieved.

Guess I will stick with ibuprofen, then

In Which I Explain Why I Hate the Number Eleven

I’ve never had a good complexion. When I was in my teens I had bad acne. Later on it lessened, but I still enjoy the occasional break-outs. Ok, so more occasional than most, but whatever. I figured if I still have acne I won’t get many wrinkles, right?

WRONG!!!

It was inevitable. I was bound to have it. Apparently it’s genetic and its learned. To what do I refer? Why, to the cursed lines between my eyes that make an “11″. They appear magically, usually when the kids are involved. I try to keep the lines at bay, but I’m afraid the time has come to get some help.

Me: I may need to get some kind of wrinkle cream before too long.

Friend: What for?

Me: THIS!!! *points to “11″*

Friend: Have you considered Botox™?

Me: The only way I will ingest any toxin is if I am forced to attend a One Direction concert.

Friend: Uh, wow…

Me: There’s a limit.

So, since I don’t relish the thought of having a case of botulism, I decided to check out wrinkle creams. WHOLLY SHEETS!!! Some of that stuff is wildly expensive. Lancôme™ sells one for $300. Y’all have any idea how many pairs of PJs you can buy with $300?? I DO!! But vanity being what it is, I take the time to search for viable alternatives to selling my arm and leg expensive stuff. Look, I don’t mind my hair turning grey, I don’t mind the weight shifting, but I DO mind looking angry all the time for no reason.

Yeah, Oil of Olay™. I don’t aspire to have an awesome complexion, but by Jove I will look happy, even if it kills me.

Have a great day, and smile

SQUEE*hic*EEEE!!!

This evening I am hosting a wine party, featuring Spanish wines.

You’ll notice I did not call it a wine tasting party.

Anyway, there will be wine, women and song. And by “song”, I mean the music channel will be on. Trust me when I say, no one wants to hear me sing when I am tipsy. Ok, maybe they do so they can record the fiasco and post it on YouTube™. It wouldn’t be the first time. And because I am hostess, I get to use my wonderful gift, courtesy of my sister, Reno Queen:

My newest addition to my Lolita™ collection!!

And the best news? I will not be in need of a designated driver

Have a great Saturday!!

Because Five Fests Are Not Enough

Yes, my friends! It’s FEST TIME AGAIN!!

First we had the Wein & Sangerfest, then the Gruene Music and Wine Fest, then it was Oktoberfest, and now comes WURSTFEST!!!

You’ll notice this fest is technically number four. Well, there are two more planned at the end of the year, including the Weihnachtsmarkt. And I haven’t included the fests that are celebrated on the north side of the area. Hopefully they will have some souvenir glassware available. I would hate to be a *cough* bad example to the kids.

They should just call it “Liverfest”. It would save them a ton of money on advertising