Picking Battle Axes

Every day, it’s the same old story.

“Go wash the dishes!”

“Get in the shower!”

“Are you done with your homework??”

“It’s past your bedtime!”

Yes, they do have set chores, but seldom do they do them of their own accord. They don’t have a set time for bed, but if I am the one waking them up, then I sure as Hades don’t want to deal with slow cranky kidlets.

Last night, I finally had my epiphany: WHY DO I GO THROUGH THE TROUBLE??

Stick a fork, I’m done. I am not their social secretary, nor am I their daily reminder calendar. If they forget the dishes, I will gather them up and place them on their bed. If they forget laundry in the washer, I will take it out and let it mold on the floor. If they forget to put away food, they will enjoy it for breakfast. I’m too old and too grumpy to be chasing after that crap.

It’s my summer and I will be enjoying it, too!!

Channeling Alice Cooper

For the first time in like forever, I am looking forward to school ending and summer vacation. For most Stay-At-Home mothers, “summer” means “jail”. But honestly, this time it will be a reprieve from the almost constant deluge of school functions, meetings, concerts, and ROTC events. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy being involved. But there is only ONE of me, ok?? It is extremely difficult to be everywhere at once with the Laws of Physics refusing to bend to my every need. Every. Single. Weekend. PEOPLE!! It would have been fine if only all three kids had their activities in the same frickin’ town. But no…. THAT would have been waaaaaaay too easy.

Only the best back-to-school ad EVAH!!

But even I know summer can be a pitfall. It can unravel faster than a cheetah ripping through the yarn aisle at JoAnn’s™. So, a few rules MUST be implemented, observed and enforced in order for Mommy to not escape inside a bottle not lose her mind.

RULE #1

The term “I’m bored!” is banned. If uttered, even in a whisper or under breath, the culprit will have earned five hours cleaning the outside windows with newspapers and vinegar. Yes, I am old school.

RULE #2

You are responsible for your own breakfast AND lunch during the weekdays. Asking me for it will earn you an extra set of chores, to include attic cleaning.

RULE #3

TV will be limited to only three hours per day (not counting evenings). This does include any videogaming. Breaking this rule will have earned the perpetrator three hours of outside activity. Pooper scooper may be involved.

RULE #4

The query, “Why?” is no longer valid. End of discussion.

RULE #5

Any schoolwork for the summer will be done the FIRST two weeks of summer vacation, and not the last 20 minutes of summer vacation. As an addendum, any schoolwork that requires math or physics is solely the responsibility of Daddy. Mommy was told there would be no math.

RULE #6

Music while doing chores or for the joy of it is fine, as long as it is within the accepted parameters: no screamo, no alternative, no techno pop. Also, it must be played at a level consistent with my ability to keep my sanity, so nothing above 1,200 decibels.

So far these are a few of the solid rules. I shall be printing these out and posting them on the refrigerator, as well as on each of their doors. And quite possibly the bathroom mirror. Obey these rules, and you don’t get hurt. It is that simple.

Disobey, and deal with your father

Weekends Should Start on Mondays

I just do NOT understand why everything piles up on Fridays.

One kid has Sign Language Club, another has German Club. Then we have high school football, and tonight Little One’s band gets to play with the High School band, which means she gets to sit with them all through the game, which also means she has to stay until the end of the game, which translates to traffic jam afterwards. Tomorrow, the other two get to enjoy an ROTC trip to the USS Lexington for the weekend, and that means that Little One will enjoy having a sleepover for her birthday.

From Roamy, who knows me well

Just what I need: a bunch of screaming teens in the house, eating sweets and chocolate and drinking sodas and gossiping about the cutest boys in school. And I will be serving and cleaning up and praying the earplugs hold up.

Hope y’all’s weekend is far quieter

Not Even Trying Today

I got up and felt like a cat had chewed me up, spit me out, and dragged through pond scum.

And I’m not even sick. Just tired.

I was thinking of doing a giveaway for the blog. Something either made by me or just some random weird thing I find at the clearance section of Home Depot. Or the Dollar Store. Not sure yet.

Then I thought of doing a simple dish each week and featuring it so that the food pic haters would have some angst in their lives. But that’s not how I operate. I don’t like fostering angst. I like fostering fear.

I also thought about posting pretty thought of the day. Then I recalled I am Sith.

Anyway, I will think of something tomorrow. For now, I am off to paint PVC pipes, attach a ventilation duct for a dryer on the ceiling, and make a lamp out of a flowerpot.

Don’t judge me because I’m crazy. Judge me because I am too tired to make a rebuttal, and this is your only chance

A Little Fun Between Strangers

My poor dog Lenny had a miserable night. Her ears are infected, and that necessitated a trip to the vet. Thankfully, she loves, and I mean LOVES going to the vet. That wasn’t going to be the issue.

But Hubby’s car is in the shop, and the van has issues, and so Hubby took my Pathfinder to work this morning, which meant I had to borrow a vehicle, which meant my niece’s Isuzu. My niece is 18, just graduated from high school, and does all the seniors-are-cool stuff to her car.

1. Tassel on rear view mirror: check!
2. “Acquired” Whataburger™ table number*: check!
3. Obligatory “2012″ signage: check!
4. Phrase written in shoe polish: check!

Wait, what??

Great….just great. I get to drive all over town with this. The good news is, no one will recognize me while driving around. It’s a big enough area. Anyway, I get to the vet’s and Lenny is beside herself wanting to make several new friends, including two parakeets, a trio of ferrets, a Scottish Terrier, a huge dog probably bred from bears, and a very nasty cat. I say nasty as in mean, not icky. Her own owner doesn’t like her. Moving on, I go outside to wait for them to bring me Lenny, since the place is packed, and the gentleman that arrived at the same time I was parking struck up a conversation.

Gent: I take it you like to dance?

Me: Well, yes… like most people, I guess.

Gent: Country dancing, huh?

Me: No, more along Big Band and Waltzing, why?

Gent: *points to niece’s vehicle*

Me: OMIGAWD!! Sorry, I didn’t write that. It’s my niece’s vehicle, and I had to borrow it today.

Gent: So does that mean you’re a waltzing babe?

Me: No, it means I am taking that car to the nearest car wash.

Gent: *laughs*

I must have turned three different shades of red. But he had a good laugh, and if I helped to make someone happy, then I win, right?

*For those not familiar, Whataburger™ is a Texas chain, and a lot of graduating seniors always feel compelled to abscond with one of their little numbered table signs. It’s a right of passage

Omigawd…

I completely forgot to post an entry today.

I had a very early doctor’s appointment again, and then had to stop to gas up the vehicle on base, and then went to check out if the Le Creuset™ pot was on sale, which it was, and I got, and then came home to a whiny dog who had not been let out, which I rescued, and then to fold the rest of the laundry and then to start a Tres Leches cake which takes FOREVER, and then swing by the grocery store for last minute stuff for dinner, which I am about to go start.

Also, Teresa sent me this link. I ♥ this!!

It is on my List of Things for Aggie’s Birthday®. That’s a list I am now going to leave conspicuously pasted all over the house, starting in September. It’s never too late to start

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

It was a great week, and wonderful to get away from the dry heat here to the humid heat there!

The first day we just unwound, enjoying the views and the sound of the water below. As y’all know, the second day we went bowling, and it was a blast, especially witnessing my failings at it. That evening we decided to try fishing from the balcony.

Seriously, how can one pass that up, right??? But unfortunately most of the fish were scared off due to the high traffic on the lake, so nothing bit. But Hubby is never discouraged. We got out to the store and get chicken livers for bait. Apparently, catfish really like that stuff.

Gutterballs

Our first day at the lake, I was greeted with a beautiful sunrise, waves lapping gently against the rocks, and herons flying overhead. The morning was tranquil, and made perfect by my cup of coffee.

But good things don’t last forever, and so we woke the kids and asked them what they would like to do on such a beautiful day.

BOWLING!!

Uh, ok. We drove 250 miles and rented a condo ON the lake so that we could do…. what we can do at home. But the point of vacation is to have fun, and so we headed out to the bowling alley. And I must admit, it sure was fun. I had a record-breaking 42 gutterballs in three games. But I also scored some pins, and apparently I was very creative about it.

Son: (after I scored ONE pin) Hey, Mom! Now if you score another pin, and then score two, and then score three, and then score five, you’ll be on your way to doing the Fibonacci Sequence!

Me: So, my plan to establish a pattern is working.

Son: Yep.

Me: Uh huh.

Hey, it was a great excuse to explain my lack of prowess

Guess What???

I’m still busy. I know. Y’all are just SHOCKED. I can tell.

Today I was up before 6 AM to take the older two kidlets to the ROTC Fish Camp. Then I drove through traffic so congested it needed Nyquil™ in order to drop off my BIL at the barracks in time for his appointment today. I raced home, only to remember to stop to get some groceries, because dishes need dishwashing liquid in order to get clean. Also I was out of coffee creamer, and I was actually doing the kids a favor by getting some. That way they wouldn’t have to deal with a cranky mom tomorrow, when I have to do this all over again, only with a trip to the mall included. Oh, and school registrations are this week, along with prep days and school portraits and my appointment at the hospital, and packing for our vacation.

Hopefully a week at the lake will relax me.

I get the funny feeling I’ll be doing pretty much the same stuff I do here, only with a lake attached. Whatever…as long as there’s wine and the noise is lower than 1200 decibels

Sundays, and Doughnuts, and Dogs

Well, it’s Sunday. We have a houseful of guests, so I suggested to hubby to go get DOUGHNUTS!!

We were triumphant in our endeavors. We returned with many delectable varieties for the masses, including this one for moi:

Raspberry-filled glazed deliciousness. You are drooling, I can tell. But Life has a way of making fun of me when I least expect it. You see, this post was originally going to regale you with the sweet nothings of the aforementioned doughnut. But alas, it is not to be. As I got up to get more coffee, my big dog Lenny took the opportunity to help herself to my slice of heavenly sinful sugary goodness!!!

That. Broke. My. Heart.

So, I shall make do with a kolache. And an additional cup of coffee to quell the desire to yell at my dog for taking the one joy I looked forward to today. But not to worry. I’m sure the Moscato will be flowing this afternoon