Random Thoughts on a Wednesday—Scratch That. TUESDAY!!! Afternoon

I took Eldest to the mall this afternoon. She needed shoes for her graduation, and I needed shoes for a promotion ceremony. I walked into Macy’s™, where I seldom shop, and went to the shoes, right through to the sales rack, found the perfect pair, and proceeded to check out. “Shopping Like a Man” level: ACHIEVED.

There is no worse earworm than that of a Zelda game.

Funny how cleaning the house takes only minutes when you know you are having company.

Before I went to see Curtis Stone, I had two different types of vinegar in my pantry. Now I have nine.

Kindness is always free.

I have trained my dogs to want to go out as soon as I sit down. Ok, they trained me.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how some people claim to be ready for the zombie apocalypse, and yet they can’t manage to kill a spider without the use of five pairs of shoes, several cans of Raid™ and a Bic™ lighter, all the while crying like a toddler who fell off the swing set.

I am never too anything to be hungry.

That does it for today’s randomness. Hope y’all have a pleasant evening!!

UPDATE!!!!!

It has been brought to my attention by Rob that it is Tuesday, not Wednesday. This is what happens when I am on pain meds and have no chocolate in the house.

Ever Feel Like You Have Nothing to Say, but Feel the Need to Type Some Sort of Post Anyway?

Yeah, neither do I.

So, since it has been a while, I give what is possibly the most awesome U.S. soldier, EVAH!!

Platoon Sergeant in Iraq, wearing Tartan Wilson, (found here). EPICNESS!!

Now, go fan yourselves

How to Be an Awesome Mom, Part Eleventy

Last night we went out to eat, a treat from my brother-in-law in honor of Son’s birthday. It had been a long week, so Hubby suggested I have a drink. I was way ahead of him, and ordered a martini sampler: Guavatini, Lemondrop, and Chocolatini. Look, I know those aren’t “real” martinis, ok? But a beer wasn’t going to cut it and I wanted sugar to be my alcohol carrier.

Aren’t they adorable?? And smashing. No, really. You can get smashed on one order alone.

Anyway, Son was interested in trying them. Hilarity ensued.

Son: Mom, what’s the dark one?

Me: That’s the chocolatini.

Son: The what?

Me: (enunciating slowly) Chocolate martini.

Son: May I try it?

Me: Sure. (Don’t y’all wish I was your mom??)

Son: (coughing and gagging) Ugh! It’s like chocolate alcohol!!

Me: That’s the POINT!!

Sometimes, this job is way too easy

Old Habits Don’t Die, Ever

You know, sometimes I am amazed at how old habits from my youth still persist on surfacing.

Yesterday I had the TV on in the background while I was cleaning up, and the new version of The Thing came on. Eh, it’s ok, but not really the type of movie I enjoy watching, so it’s a good thing I wasn’t really watching it. I didn’t even give it a thought, but then after it was over, John Carpenter’s The Thing came on.

The stuff of…what the screaming Hades IS that??

I tried. I really, really tried to change the channel. I just….couldn’t. I was frozen (heh!) to the screen as the story unfolded for the upteenth time. In my opinion, that is still one of the most frightening films ever made. Why? Not because of the Creature. Not because of the gore. Not because of the screaming and agony.

No. The reason that movie is so scary is the very last scene. After MacReady (Kurt Russell) blows up the Creature and the whole area, he is sitting outside, and Childs (Keith David) walks up. And as they speak I notice one detail: MacReady’s breath fogs, but Childs’ doesn’t!!!! And the last lines say a lot, too:

Childs: What do we do?

MacReady: Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.

I know now that HE knows, and that just scares the life out of me. Every. Single. Time. I should know better than to watch a John Carpenter movie. They never end well.

Anyway, the evening comes to an end, and we all prepare for bed, and as I lay there waiting for sleep to come, I picture the entire movie in my head once again, and feel anxiety starting to rise, and fear gripping my chest, and so I do what every single normal kid has done to ward off those hellish visions of doom.

I cover my head with my blanket and feel myself relax, the fear subside, and all’s right with my world.

Because every kid knows: a blanket can take on every monster and creature single-handed. It works every time

Not My Color

In my family, there are four girls, and one boy. The boy came much later. Anyway, growing up we were often dressed alike (we had no choice on the matter). Looking back at photographs, we certainly looked pretty cute.

Then we grew up.

Anyway, one thing my mom would do is make or buy the same style of dress, but in different colors. And inevitably, my color was always yellow.

Now, I have nothing against the color yellow. It’s the color of sunshine, and summer, and smiles, and happiness.

It’s also the color of corn, an angry bird, and Spongebob.

Most people can wear it and look awesome and happy as clams. Me, I wear it and look like a squash, no matter how thin I am. I remember wearing a yellow shirt to a doctor’s appointment, and he ended up testing me for jaundice. NOT FUN. And the last time I wore yellow, someone said I looked like a corndog, which here in Texas may be a compliment, but not to me.

And if I look jaundiced wearing yellow, I can only imagine what I would look like wearing orange.

*shudders*

How I Took Home a Chef

Well, as y’all may recall, this past Saturday I went to see Chef Curtis Stone, the original Take Home Chef, cook and be all dreamy. Hubby, our friend Flower Girl and I headed out early to get a good parking spot. I had no hopes of getting good seating, but the stars, they were aligning. As usual, I’m getting ahead of myself.

We get to the outlet mall, and find a close parking space to the enormous tent. There is no line to purchase the book, so Flower Girl and I make our purchases, and proceed to enter the tent. People are milling about, and there is a KitchenAid™ demonstration going on, as well as several local restaurants and wineries showcasing their wares and providing samples. Between bites of Caprese salad in a wonderful vinaigrette and a few swigs of Riesling, we encountered a photo booth. AWESOME!! My friend and I hurry over to have our photos taken, and because we are the first to try out the Photo Toaster® (yes, that’s the name of it), the videographer asks if he can also take our photos for the event. Sure!! I wore makeup in case I would ever get the chance to get close to Curtis Stone. I can dream.

By this time people are starting to be seated, so we go back in the tent and get seats middle right. After what seemed like forever but in reality was about fifteen minutes, Curtis Stone came onstage.

We Need Some Happy

This week has had its share of tragedy. We need some happy around here!! So tomorrow I am going to head out to the mall to see Curtis Stone cook and be all dreamy.

Why yes, I would love for you to follow me all over the grocery store and then cook my dinner, Curtis.

I can dream whatever I want, you know.

The best part? The Le Creuset™ store will be having a special sale in conjunction with his appearance here. And y’all remember the $50, right? The stars, they are aligning!!

Y’all have a great Friday

Laundry Lottery

One of the biggest laundry irks is finding stuff in pockets. I hate that. I really, really do. Seriously, how hard is it to turn out your pockets before placing clothes in the dirty laundry? And while I’m venting, how hard is it to turn clothes right side out???

Ok, I better leave that for another rant.

Anyway, as y’all may remember, I organized my laundry room a few months ago, and one of the things I placed on the washer was a jar. A big jar for found coins. Wouldn’t you know it, but right after I did that the kids started to turn out their pockets. GAH!! But since I do Hubby’s laundry, he tends to forget, and that’s when I score.

This time, I found $50!!!

Which means I get to put it towards a new cooking pot. Or a couple of drinks at Starbucks™.

Yes, I’m putting it towards the cooking pot. I can make my own coffee

Another Dreaded Day

Well, I don’t dread holidays. I only dread those where gift giving is involved. No, not gift giving for others. That’s always awesome (when I get around to shipping gifts, that is. STOP JUDGING ME!!). No, I mean when I am the recipient.

Me: You know, Mother’s Day is only four weeks away.

Hubby: Oh, my God, you ruined my day.

Me: If I wanted to ruin your day, I would have reminded you the Friday before Mother’s Day.

Hubby: Good point.

It’s not like I don’t give obscure hints.

Seriously, I go out of my way to let them know what I like.

I don’t exactly keep things a secret, you know.

I am not a difficult person to buy for, but you would think it’s along the lines of solving the next digit of Pi. But no matter. I know this Mother’s Day will be awesome, because all of us will be together and they always go out of their way to make sure I am well-loved, especially when serving me breakfast in bed.

Of course, if I get that sweet Le Creuset™ pot I won’t mind making them dinner

When Excuses Become Reasons

One of the most awesome things about my German friend is the fact that she loves, LOVES to cook. I mean it. The woman is a marvel in the kitchen. But one drawback is that we have nine people in the house, of which four eat like eight, which means cooking large amounts of food.

And that, my friends, is a reason to buy a bigger pot.

Yes, meine Freunde, I have the opportunity– nay, the obligation, to purchase a new Le Creuset™ dutch oven. Besides, it was my anniversary this past week, so there’s another reason to get it.

How many excuses is that now?

Doesn’t matter. I’m off the get my new pot, because my friend is in need of it like RIGHT NOW!! And who am I to impede her culinary artistry??